Dread Asphalt
The terrible twos have arrived with a vengeance which is depressing beyond belief because not only is Archer 22 months (two months left, people!) but I have been emotionally unprepared for tantrum-fest 2007. It wouldn’t be a big deal if the craziness happened in the privacy of our own house but the moment the front door opens, the devil horns push through Archer’s forehead and the raarrrrrrrghhhh begins.
Rarrrrgghhhhhhhh: (n) Pushing, kicking, screaming, terrorizing, screaming, being crazy, screaming, dropping to the pavement/cement/asphalt while arching back and screaming. Did I mention anything about screaming?
But the worst was early this week when, determined to enforce the you-must-hold-my-hand-when-you-cross-the-street rule, against Archer’s rarrrrrghhhh, we ended up stopping traffic as a tantrum erupted on the crosswalk of a somewhat busy Los Angeles intersection.
It was one of those moments when as a parent you have two choice:
1. Succumb to the Rarrrrghhhhh and let the kid have his way
2. Fight it out and to hell with the line of honking cars.
This is one of the toughest decisions to make and there have been plenty of times when I have gone with option #1, but in this case I decided to go with option #2 and fight the darkness
The cars collected as I stood over Archer who was Rarrrrrrggggghhhing in the street until the honking started. I panicked, grabbed Archer by the hand and dragged him across the street as he kicked and screamed.
“You have to hold my hand,” I said.
“Rarrrrrghhhhhhh“
(Honk! Honk!)
“We’re almost there! Come on dude.”
(Honk! Honk)
“Rarrrrrggghhhhhh“
I was mortified. Archer was pissed off. And the motorists were totally annoyed but at least I had won. I had won!
“I am the master!” I screamed aloud at the heavens, “The MAAAAAAASTER!”
And then today, the same exact thing happened: tantrum in the middle of the street, refusal to hold my hand.
Except this time, I gave in. I went with option #1.
I am soooo not the master, dude.
And for that, i feel like Rarrrrghhhhhhing.
***
I have 2 kids (2 and 4) so I’ve dealt with this now twice. With both kids, we give them the choice: You can either hold my hand and walk or I will carry you. Yes, carrying the kids sucks but it doesn’t last long. Just recently my (just) 2 year old has started putting out her hand before I ask for it to cross streets and parking lots. My 4 year old holds hands without complaint for what seems like forever now… Good luck!
I agree with the choice technique, however beware that he may learn the art of neogiation. My daughter did. I solved this by telling her the choice is she could (insert what I want her to do) or nothing at all. Yeah, I usually get my way.
I have, also, taken the path of ignore, show no emotion, pick up said screaming child and go on with my business. It took only once for me to leave my full cart (dude, I was one item away from going to the register) in the middle of Target and drag out a screaming 2.5 yr old. You should have seen the stares.
She screamed the whole way home, but I didnt tell her anything. When we got home she went to bed for a nap. Hell, I needed some time to recoup from that little funfest. We returned to Target later that day got all our goodies without incident.
I wont lie and say it gets easier, but it somewhat does. As they get older, you can kinda reason with them. Ah hell they are always going to test you. Stand firm and show them it doesnt phase you. Although, you have every right to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry when they tell you they hate you. It comes a lot sooner than the teen years.
Reliving these tantrums has made me tired. Good night and good luck.
Oh, man. At least I’m in company. Thanks for the advice, ladies.
Seriously, any intelligent passer by would look at your son, see his diminutive stature, deduce that he’s 2, and have your complete understanding, solidarity and well wishes.
Anyone else is an a**h*le…
i’m with Dee Dee- carrying is the only option to holding my hand. He’s still small enough that even if he’s kicking and screaming you can grab him in a football hold under one of your arms and walk across the street as he RARRGGGGs and act as if nothing is wrong. in fact, a screaming two year old under the arm is this year’s Gucci. haven’t you heard?
My 14 month old has started this…she is fiercely independent and when we walk to check the mail or around a bookstore, I’ll try to hold her hand so that no one snatches her up and she’ll take her hand out of mine and do this squat on the floor until I allow for her to walk alone…that doesn’t work for me…So I scoop her up and carry her heavy behind or strap her in her stroller…
Ahhhhh kids….
You can’t live with them and you can’t….walk across the street, eat, go grocery shopping, work, sleep, use the bathroom…without them.
Good Luck…
And bring the holy water next time, it should help exorcise the tantrum demons.
Miles and Porter decided they were ready to be two when they were about 21 months old, so they’ve been at it almost a year even though they just turned 2 1/2 last week.
They’ve divided the tasks neatly between themselves. Porter handles the tantrums and obstinate fits, while Miles handles the sudden freak crying fits.
We’re in the same boat again! (Remember me with the 22 month old who doesn’t talk much either, mainly just says Mine, No, and Cookie now). Well, I also have a 5 year old, which makes it easier to deal with the tantrums, especially the public ones. Because now I have proof that they outgrow it and that I am not a failure as a parent. Hang in there! And, remember The Terrible Two’s are a rough ride for the Two’s as well as the parents.
GIRL! You have got to stick to your guns!!!! Trust me on this. Somethings like safety are worth the fight. You have to pick your battels. My son went through it for 6 months. The worst 6 months of our lives. Archer has to learn when you say NO you mean it. If you don’t stick with it then you will be fighting an uphill battel.
Your a great mom hang in there it will end…. until they are teens
I think the rules of parenting tantrumy kids are very simple:
1. Try not to kill the kid.
2. Try not to make matters worse.
3. Do not let a tantrum ever “work, ” as in, don’t give in to a request that you’d otherwise deny, simply because of a tantrum.
I have found that, where possible, it works wonders to have a magazine handy. When the kid starts tantrumy, look as bored as possible and start reading the magazine. This shows the kid you’re totally not impressed by the antics.
In public, a tantrum equals a quick trip home, shopping cart be damned. When any safety issue comes up, DO NOT give in to the tantrum. He may choose: hold Mama’s hand or Mama holds his elbow as tightly as necessary to get him safely across the street.
The less of your own emotion you reveal, the better.
when i was reading meghan’s comment i misread “it works wonders to have a magazine handy” as “it works wonders to have a magician handy” hahahaha! i hear that works too!!!
Any age that starts with a “T” is pure hell. My twins just turned 4 and it was like a Charlie Brown Christmas miracle. All of a sudden they are more reasonable, easier to barter with and as long as I let them know in advance what I expect out of them (we are going to Target but Mommy is not buying any toys!) we’re usually golden. Now, that’s not to say it’s all sunshine and flowers. It *does* get better/easier. 2 and 3 were pure hell for me.
you have a point with the ages that start with a “t” if you have a girl just wait until Twelve!!!!
I’m confused. Is this blog reprinting your other blog? Or do both blogs have exclusive content? Help me out here.
Because I am physically unable to carry my 48 pound 3 1/2 year old (yes he is large) I tell hime either you hold my hand or I hold yours. the first few times of me holding on to his hand as he tried to wriggle away were not too pleasant for either of us but he did not will that battle. every now and then he gives me the same bullshit and I say “either you hold my hand or I hold yours” and he tells me “I hold yours”
We also talk about the easy way of doing things and the ard way of doing things like getting dressed, going and washing hands, washing in the tub etcetera…that now when I tell him “either you hold my hand or I hold yours” or “It is your choice the easy way or the hard way” he usually picks “Holding my hand” and “the easy way”
It truely is all about choices for toddlers…they just want to feel a little control over their own bodies and I make it in the form of decisions about his actions.
Sue– SFTB is all exclusive content. Nothing on SFTB has been published anywhere else.