Every day, around 5pm, my angelic little pigeon-chaser becomes a satanic warrior. With a vendetta. He’s possessed and cannot be stopped.
Books, once delicately handed to me with a smile, become weapons to throw in my face. Hands that only hours earlier, reached for me to help him down the stairs become karate choppers and food smashers and eyeball scratchers.
My solution to this “issue” in the past has been a trip to the gym. Because the gym has daycare. And daycare equals freedom. Until recently. These days Archer refuses to hang with his daycare peeps.(It may have something to do with the fact that the daycare lady is rocking her Le Peu once again. Merd.)
Instead, I get all dressed up in my thong spandex jumpsuit and L.A. Gear high tops, pumped to work out with my PM Dawn remix music and my three-month old Vogue (I’m a little behind) all for nothing. Because daycare has apparently become Archer’s version of hell. He clings to me like a monkey, choking me with his death grip.
My mission results in failure:
Zero hours of freedom. Zero calories burned. Zero fashion tips to ponder.
Back at home I try fighting fire with fire. If he screams, I scream louder. Except instead of “making a point” I make him laugh. And nothing gets my goat more than being laughed at when I’m trying to be dead serious and angry.
So… I’ve had somewhat of a revelation:
Why not give up?! Throw in the towel?! Embrace the bitching hour and the shitstorm that comes with it?! Because if I can’t have my peace, I may as well join the war, right? Right?
So now? When the bitching hour is upon us, I throw a party. I empty a box of Cheerios on the floor and turn on Sesame Street and Archer and I have a giant Cheerio throwing/crushing/destructive extravaganza. Which isn’t exactly a workout, but it’s becoming one of my favorite times of the day.
Making a mess. Making fun of Mr. Noodle. And Dorothy. And Elmo for saying “thank you, baby!” even though the baby never does anything worth thanking.
Hopefully, one of these days, I’ll be able to get a workout in. But for the time being, making a mess and vegging with Arch on the floor with a squillion cheerios and Elmo’s World is kind of a little bit awesome.