I totally feel you about this. I also had my kids while young (24) and poor ($24)(kidding, sorta).

I look around at the people who waited to establish themselves before they have kids, and they have all these stuff and pretty houses, and I ask myself if I did my children wrong, not bringing them into an economically-comfortable environment.  

But most of the time I think that having my kids when I was young and career-less freed me to stay at home with them for the first years of their lives, which is priceless. I also think that kids don't really need stuff. They need parents, and my kids have plenty of that.

Even though I wish I had the money to furnish my kids' room with original circa-1960s Eames furniture, I take comfort in the knowledge they wouldn't have lasted a week with my older being the destructive creature that he is.

It sounds as if you are doing great by me.  Living in cities is hard when you have young kids, but you have grass and sunshine.  Two things we do not.... count your blessings!  And who knows, that 5 mil might be right around the corner for you, you never know.

I know what you mean. I live in Orange County, about an hour and change outside of LA, and here it's equally difficult for parents who get started young. People wait and wait and wait and save and save and save for all the "things" they think they need before they have children. Then they only have a couple because they can only afford such a lifestyle with a small number of kids.

Lately, Donald (Boyfriend) and I have been buying the engagement ring and looking at homes and planning our wedding together. Neither one of us has really waited; we've gone about as fast as our relationship (and our families) have permitted. And once, very early on, we were forced to have the "what if we have a child right now, when we hardly know each other and we don't have money in the bank?"

We figured the same way that you are now with Archer. What matters is that you love your little boy, that you teach him right from wrong and show him what a good life is instead of what a wealthy life is. At the end of the day, all of those "things" are just that - things. You come into the world without them and you leave the world without them later. Love and family and a little piece of outside? Those are irreplacable; even if you're renting the little piece of outside. I know Donald and I will be when we start out too.

Sometimes homeownership is not all it is cracked up to be.  Just come on over anytime there is something that needs to be fixed.  I have never lived in Ca, but have watched enough Flip this House.  I am  floored at the numbers for some of the dumps people are fixing up.  I say if you have a nice place to live and your are happy then why worry about having it all.  

I married an older man who was "established" and we are doing fine, but I decided that I am not going crazy with the kids.  Have you ever seen "My Super Sweet 16"?  Oh my God!  If one of my children acted like that I would take them  out to the woodshed.  Just because you are comfortable doesnt mean the kids have to have everything their little heart desires.  I think it breeds ungrateful, whiny adults.  

We are constantly teaching our kids through our actions.  I think a good lesson is even though you can afford it doesnt mean you have to have it right now.  Besides, no matter how big your house is, there coems a point where it is filled with useless crap.

We've kinda got the best of both worlds. We're "renters" here in LA but we've been renting a house! For 9 years... we've practically bought the freakin' thing...

But we can't see shelling out a half million for it, even tho Mister Landlord says we can. I'm from Ohio. I can't pay a half mil for a 2 bedroom house. Can I? Naw. Sure I can. Noooo.

It's tough.

Half a mill? Dude! You should buy it. That's not a bad deal. Do it! (Don't do it) Do it! (Don't do it.) Ahhhhhh!!!!

eh, I *had* a white picket fence (sort of) and it got eaten by termites.

Really?  $5 million?  And a lot of folks thought my parenting prerequisites -- a house, a steady job, $10K in the bank -- were absurd.

Another Ohio parent here.

We can buy multiple acres, enormous home, white picket fence and they'll throw in some outbuildings and a pool for about $200k (or less) around here.

Granted, you live in OHIO ;) -- but it's actually a great place to live (just don't tell anyone).

I hear you LA Daddy - it's got to be culture shock to be offered a "deal" like $500k for  2 bedroom.

Granted with kids people have to think twice even three times about every desicion but I just bought a townhome on the westside of LA.  With a First time home-buyer along with other govn't programs - we're paying LESS than what we paid in rent!  Of course we came from an apartment and still don't have a private "yard".  

Besides, kids aren't going to brag about their vintage crib!  You're keeping sight of what's important.

$5 million to start?  At the rate I'm going, that would mean getting started in roughly 5,000 years.  No thanks.

It's hard not to want things - especially when the people around you have LOTS of things and you...not so much.  But kids don't *need* a lavish environment, they need a *loving* environment.  (And I'm just going to keep telling myself that as I sit here wondering if my period will show up this month.)

the city sucks for housing, plain and simple.  my parents live in the official "most affordable" part of the country, Rockford, Illinois. for just under a million, they have 22 wooded acres of land, a 5 bedroom, 6 bath house, and it's a riverfront property. I live in Boston and our shitty 2br is 1400 a month... oh and we have only 2,000 bucks in the bank (college students).  But we make ends meet and our darling 3 month old will have a lot of opportunities to experience culture that she wouldnt in Rockford, or other suburban like areas of the country... so I think it's worth it for now.

$300 really?  Where I reside, we live paycheck to paycheck, no savings...I have 1 kid, 1 mortgage, 2 decent cars, 1 Harley, 2 mean looking dogs, and a small amount of debt.   The midwest is barren that way.  BUT... we have LOVE...the number 1 key to all of life.  xoxo

OMG!!!  I live in Rockford!!!  

My husband bought a fourplex in New Orleans, the one we currently live in, for an absolute steal approximately seven years ago.  We really never managed to LIVE in it before we had to move to NYC for his job.  So we rented places up there, I had my son most of the way into our first year up there, and then my husband found a job an hour away from New Orleans, so we moved back four years after we had moved away.

Now I am faced with a house that I own, and I'm freaked, because it is work.  Suddenly, it's not a situation in which I can blame the landlord, because I'M the landlord.  I can actually make decisions on wall colors and drapes for the huge windows we have, as well as furniture and what to do with the backyard...and the problem is, these decisions cost money.

I met a couple through our synagogue in Queens who still don't own their apartment.  Due to rent control, they are in a nice palace of a place, and they don't have to pay much for it because they have been there FOREVER.  At thier age, they could buy a house with money they have, but then they'd be dealing with mortgage payments and all.  I guess it all depends on what you are willing to deal with, overall.

And all these hoity-toity moms can enjoy their lifestyles and things to their hearts' content - but I still wonder a little about the contentment of their kids' hearts...

Everyone says that the housing prices in LA are leveling off, or perhaps even starting to drop, but I think it's a bunch of hooey.  I make decent money, but my hubby is an a terminal academic (working towards that PhD) therefore we too live comfortably, but without much of a fiscal safety net.  I really don't get how people manage to buy homes these days.  Perhaps I just have a warped perception of how I should be living.  I grew up in Santa Monica, went to private school and the whole bit, but my parents had somewhat average jobs (Nurse and a Bank Loan Officer).  I am now convinced however, that I would have to turn to a life of crime to raise my child to be (due in June) in a similar manner.  I know it's not obligatory, but you kind of hope to be able to offer your child the same opportunities (if not more) than you had.  

Rest assured, home ownership is not all it's cracked up to be.  Husband and I just bought a house because we (ideally) wanted to own, or at least be renting a house before we started our family.  We're now faced with the fact that although future kid will have a great house to hang in, we'll never be able to take kiddo anywhere because every last drop of money we make goes into the constant cycle of repairs our (solid, but) old house needs.  And we're also faced with the fact that because of mortgage, utilities, car payments, etc. I won't be able to stay home with kiddo because we seriously can't afford to.  Don't get me wrong- I totally understand the drive to want to own your own little slice, but be thankful that you can call a landlord when your roof leaks, or your stove breaks, or your furnace blows up, etc.  

As someone who waited a little bit TOO long, I can tell you -- you may never feel financially ready.

I feel for everyone in this crazy city where housing prices are ridiculous. We were fortunate to be in the right place at the right time (i.e., debt paid off, small down payment saved, and earthquake/bad economy forced housing prices down in L.A. for the only time in my life) to buy 11 years ago. I look at what our modest little rundown place is appraised for now and I don't think it's worth it. Such high home prices (and rent) are not good for our local economy, it's not good for young people starting out and it's not good for families.

I'm late to the party but wanted to add my 2 cents anyway (and 2 cents is about what I can afford because we bought a house in LA county).

It's so tough to know what's right for your family. We bought teensy house in the valley & upgraded when I got pregnant. So now we have the white picket fence on a cul de sac in a good school district, but we both have to work full time. We make more money than I ever imagined, but it's still not enough for any extras. Mortgage, bills, daycare. Period.

I have fantasies of selling the house and moving back into my old Los Feliz apartment and getting to hang out with the kid all day. But then we'd be trading all of the stuff that seemed so important when I first got knocked up.

So, I think the answer is that we are screwed. The first ingredient in parenting seems to be self-doubt and we'll all question our choices no matter what they are.

My husband finally agreed to move us the hell out of Florida, armpit that it is, but where does he want to go?

California.

Sadly...I had to squash that fantasy because there's no way we could ever afford to buy a house in any of the cities in which he's interested.

The stuff may seem important but you're right. It's your love and time that kids remember most.

like you said, all that "stuff" is really not that important though it's easy to get caught up in it.  all that matters is that you, your children, your family are all happy and healthy...living in a rental or living in your own home doesn't change that.

i can understand how difficult it is to buy a home where you're at.  especially with a child in the mix, you have to really consider which neighborhoods/areas you want to buy in.  we used to live in seattle, tried desperately to buy a home, and pretty much living paycheck to paycheck (w/ 1 little boy).  we're now in Cleveland and have bought a house in a decent neighborhood.  it's phenomenal what you can get for almost 200,000.  yeah, we're still living paycheck to paycheck, BUT not with both of us working full time jobs.  now i don't have to work and can hang out with our kiddies (now 1 boy and 1 girl).  i think having one parent home full time while the kids are young is so important, because that's what your kids really want (and need)more than any "stuff" out there.  (some day we'll move back to seattle though...cleveland is nice but we miss the west coast!!!)

I'm seriously late to this party, but heres my story.... I've been a SAHM for 14 yrs. now. We live in a suburb of LA that can be expensive (we're in the "ghetto" part of town), in a tiny house with 3 children, now aged 23, 21 and 16. Most of their friends live in the northern - richer - part of town and seemingly have been givcen everything that they've wanted during their youth.

So, guess whose house most of them hung out at (and still do) while growing up?

Guess where they still feel incredibly comfortable and welcome?

What you do with your home - and a home is very, very different from a house - makes all the difference. By the way.... there may have been a time when each of my kids felt less than proud of their home, but they got over that a loooooooong time ago!

I'm proud that they know the difference between a house and a home and that they don't buy into the crap that so many others do.

Good luck to you!

We live in LA too, and can't believe the housing prices around where we live.  We've seen houses selling for $825K that would otherwise sell for $150K anywhere else.  It's ridiculous.

And so the talks of moving out of state have begun.  We can't afford the cost of living here, and frankly just want to enjoy life.  The pressure of "having it all" here in LA is overhwelming sometimes for me.  My mommy-friends have houses, nice fancy SUVs, nannies, and housekeepers.   Granted they have husbands who are NEVER home because they work their tails off to afford all that, but I still find myself jealous and kicking myself for all the envy that wells up inside.

Thanks for the great post.  I found myself nodding in agreement more than once while reading it.  

David

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