Meet the Fosters

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  • I'm going to put on a diaper and cry

     

     

    I don't know how to express this without it sounding a little weird, but here goes.  I am needy sometimes.  No, that's not the weird part.  And sometimes I want to be cradled and comforted and catered to.  It's true, I would sometimes just like to put on a diaper and cry about everything that I want and maybe just be a baby for a while. 

     

    "No, I don't want to eat my cereal and no I don't want any juice and no there is nothing you can do to get me to stop crying but I want you to continue to try." 

     

    I have been through a lot lately and I don't have to be rational, logic or even adult.  I would be happy if someone would just pick me up, put their arms around me and rock me for a while.  Okay, so that is the weird part.  Did I tell you that I have been through a lot lately?

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  • Boogie Wonderland


     

    We succumbed to the dreaded end-of-summer family vacation, we tolerated the kitsch of the aging road-side amusement park. 

     

    We came, we saw, he conquered!

     

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  • Christmas in July

     


    I am a product of the cartoon and claymation era of Christmas classics including The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, and Frosty the Snowman.  I think one of my favorites would have to be Santa Claus is Coming to Town.  It is sufficiently corny, has plenty of holiday cheer and this strange sexual energy between Jessica (the future Mrs. Claus) and Kris Kringle.  I believe that the claymation master in charge of the Jessica character was a bit of a freak.  She's got just a little too much curve going on for children's programming, but I digress. 

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  • The Sharing of Waffles

    Back on October 17th, when Juan got the call from a social services worker about Ty – when Juan then called me at work to get my take– when I said yes and committed to being a father for the duration, I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into.  Sure, I knew that my life was about to change but only in a general I’m-going-to-be-a-dad sort of way.  I was willing, and as ready as I could be, to share my life with a child  In fact, I expected that there was going to be lots of sharing, and I was ok with that.

    Really.  I was.

    That is…until it was time for waffles.



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  • Thinking of Baby Number 2

     

    It's a little ironic that on one of my more sour and exhausted days, I write about wanting to add another child to the mix. 

    Since Ty discovered that the two little stubs below his waist actually took him places much faster if he stood on them, he has been relentlessly curious, determined, and stubborn.  He examines, tugs on, topples and deconstructs pretty much anything within his reach and line of sight.  This morning, I watched him careen around the living room, one compact bundle of energy and drool, stopping periodically to screech out something that could have been (if I didnt' know better) "don't you do that!", but it came out more like "dondooodooodat!"  He then moved on, full of purpose.  In a span of maybe two minutes, he had managed to investigate an outlet cover, the dog crate, a cabinet full of CDs, the doorknob to the sunroom, his activity table, and Mika's nose. I finally scooped him up and put him in his playpen.  All that motion might not tired him out, but I get beat just watching him.

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  • The Trip Home - Part II

    How do you stretch a three hour nap over a four and a half hour flight...you don't

     

     

     

    It has taken some time to get this down on paper.  I think in reflection it is easier to find some humor in it.  My predictions of an ill-fated plane ride home though dramatic, were pretty much on the mark.  But really, what's a vacation without a little traveling drama?  It makes the story a little more interesting for everyone.  I would much rather hear about the crazy taxi driver who almost killed everyone, or the sudden thunderstorm that threatened to wash our beach hut into the bay, then "we had a wonderful, relaxing time." 

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  • The Trip Home - Part I

     


     

    Wishing my son could grow-up around my family

    On the last day, I think we were all ready to head back home.  It was a good trip--the first time in recent memory that I had ever thought of moving back home.  In those seven days I got much more than I expected out of being with family, not that I had low expectations.  I felt their warmth in a different way than I ever had before.  After forty some-odd years of being their son, brother, uncle, friend, I was now a dad.  I don't know how that made me different or how it may have made them different towards me.  In any case there was so much good in what I and my little family felt from them. 

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  • Strangers Among Us

     


    There is no time in my life other than this one as Ty's foster dad when I have been so acutely aware of strangers and their potential impact on our lives.  Juan and I have encountered what seems like an army of people, many who claim to have his and our interests in mind.  We've met others who, on the surface, seem to have the best of intentions and give us no reason to believe otherwise.  But who are these people?  What roles do they play?  What power do they have to shape our lives?

    Friend or foe?

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  • The Trip Out

     

    Airlines Use Giant Baby to Push Back Plane from Gate 

     

    So I don't have any horror stories yet to tell but we are only through day two of a seven day trip.  I was so wound up by the time we were ready to leave for the airport that I wasn't sure I could handle screaming baby / evil passenger drama...surely we weren't ready, would forget something, would regret not taking more time to pack.

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  • Parents of Screaming Child are Choked by Angry Passengers...Details at 11

     

    Somehow I have this fear and dread about our trip.  Did we mention that we're going out of town?  Finally, we have decided no matter what Ty's future is with us, that we are going to make this little guy officially a part of our family.  He will be introduced to our extended families, thus the non-stop flight to the West Coast.  Later this summer we are planning an up-state New York trip to hit Darrow's family.

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  • Cry Baby

     


     

    Crying.

     


     

     

    I hate to cry.
     

    Hate.

     

    My son cries at the drop of a hat.  Periodically I notice tears on his face and remember that just 30 seconds ago he was trying to tell me something, some unfortunate thing I had done or failed to do for him: need food Da-da, need sleep, need diaper changing, need you to pick me up, don't need anything just felt like crying, Da-da. 

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  • The Tic-Toc-Tic-Toc

     

     


     

    I don't like it when my son is afraid.  What parent does?  I remember the few times that I inadvertently frightened him and made him cry.  I am kind of a softy so it was a little mortifying.  But I quickly learned that I could turn his fear on its ear. 

     

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  • When My Son Speaks

     

    I am not really worried about our son's speech development, even if I am reminded by physicians that statistically speaking, he's behind.  I live with the little guy everyday.  If his vocalizations were not growing more frequent and more complex over time, then I might be concerned, but it just isn't the case.  The latest demand of him is to acquire at least a ten word vocabulary by June.  What if he only has eight, or five or.....two.

     


     

    "My son, the world is collapsing all around you without these ten words.  You will never amount to anything if you don't pipe up.  And no, I'm sorry but ‘gukum blik grlikm' does not count as three words."  Now that it is May, I am beginning to feel his pressure--just 30 more days and counting.  Ohmygawd, maybe I can bribe him with candy or massage his brain; practice verbal calisthenics; tell him that daddy will spank if he doesn't start spouting off a few choice phrases!

     

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  • My Moon, My (Little) Man

     

    I was one of those kids with the Vienna Choirboys kind of voice.  I loved to sing.  In my little elementary school every teacher had me perform for their class.  At the pinnacle of my fame, I was the target of ridicule from classmates but more so from my siblings who were mortified by the fact that their little brother was "performing" in our school.  Then I hit puberty and not only did my voice change, but I didn't even get so much as a baritone or tenor voice out of the deal.  It basically went nasal, lacking completely in depth and struggled to remain on key.  Even as an adult I can remember a friend of mine (that I haven't spoken to in more than a decade) who after happening to hear me sing, proceeded to ask me what I had done with the money that my mother had given me for singing lessons.  So between the loss of my voice and taunting from others I pretty much put a cap on the old singing thing. 

     

    Well having a son has in essence brought my singing voice out of the closet.  You see he doesn't mind that my voice isn't very good.  In fact one of the things we have really enjoyed together is sitting down in front of my laptop and having a sing-along with one of our favorite videos.  Here are a couple of our favorites in reverse order:

     

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  • Who are we?

     


     

    We are Darrow, Juan and T.  We are two Dads and a pre-toddler.  We are an interracial couple with a bi-racial baby and three hodge-podge breed big dogs.  We are as close to married as the law allows.  We are diaper changing, baby food flinging, bottle juggling newbie dads who sometimes trip up one another in our effort to care for our son.  We are a family like every family, but just a little different.  And yes, we are foster parents, sort of unwittingly, but fosters nonetheless. 

     

    We are fun and games dads of the silliest kind.  We have no problem making strange faces and odds noises in public in an effort to entertain our son.  We revel in his beautiful smile and his hearty, infectious laugh.  We cannot imagine our life without this amazing little boy.  That is why we also periodically turn to one another in tears, because as fosters we find ourselves from time-to-time in a fragile state, knowing that his future with us is uncertain.  So we live in the yin and the yang, the one side making the other side that much sweeter and poignant.  And if we write about happy, silliness one day and sound like we are drowning in our fears the next, we hope that if you choose to read our posts, you will forgive us for sounding a little crazy.  Sometimes that is the reality of the Fosters--welcome to our world.

    --D, J & T 



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About the Blogger

Meet the Fosters

Juan and Darrow in Baltimore

Juan, an analyst, and Darrow, an IT manager- turned-social worker, are a Maryland couple working to adopt a child through the foster care system. An amazing baby boy was placed with them in the fall of 2007. Follow their quest to become his parents here, and catch the first part of their story on Darrow and Juan's personal blog, The Daddy Diaries.

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