Meet the Fosters

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• Not the end of the story

  Sometimes after you've poured yourself into a thing and there isn't much left to do or say, it's time to move on.  I wish I could say that that were the case with Babble.  I am sad today because this is our last post.  I feel like I had so much more to say about what is happening in our lives and all that is about to happen to our slightly different family.  I hadn't intended to end this experience even if and when our wonderful foster son leaves us.  There will always be other children in this house of ours--we could never give up on being dads.  I think it is a part of who we are now.  Even now I am listening to the little man squeal in delight as Darrow is giving him a Saturday morning bath.  Read More... Posted Oct 05 2008, 09:00 PM by TheFosters with | with 17 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, gay, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, family

• A Weekend in September

  The thing about this weekend is that we didn't have an agenda.  There was no place to go, no where to be, nothing that we really needed to do.  After spending the entire day on Friday working on emergency repairs to our house with the assistance of a plumber (just love those plumbers), we were faced with a Friday night, a Saturday and Sunday all to ourselves.  We relished the weekend's possibilities.  We kept asking each other, "what do you want to do today?"  Of course everything revolves around the little moon boy and his nap schedule.   Read More... Posted Sep 22 2008, 08:40 PM by TheFosters with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: Fostering, foster care, dogs, food, books

• The Flow

  September 12, 2001, Washington, D.C.   The planes had stopped crashing to the ground, the buildings had stopped coming down, the emergency, the urgency, the oh my God help us the sky is falling on us, had stopped for the moment.  People began to move about stunned by the events of the day before.  I was at work because we were told that the government would not shut down.  I was in front of a computer screen but really I was somewhere else for most of September 12.  I don't remember what I did all day long.  On the Metro going home it was quiet, not a word, no one dared, no one could bring themselves to break the silence.  I sat at home-just me and Mika.  She provided me comfort until I got stuck to the television screen and didn't know how to unhook from the footage that they kept showing over and over.  I had the sense that day that I was swirling around an open drain and I didn't know how to stop from being sucked down into it.  Read More... Posted Sep 11 2008, 09:06 PM by TheFosters with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: gay, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, September 11

• Temper, Temper

  Ty likes to go to bed--always has.  He also is usually very clear about this one thing.  Besides the typical cues like yawning and eye rubbing, when it's time for bed there are always a few telltale signs: fingers in the mouth; short little screams of frustration about everything; and lots of stumbling and falling.  So the other night he is doing his little teeter-totter walk, falling a little too often and one of his balancing arms is now out of service since he has his fingers stuck in his mouth.  So we daddies were ready for him to go down, having had one exhausting week ourselves.  I picked him up, told him we were going night-night and put him on the changing table to put his pajamas on.  But when I put him down he began what turned out to be his very first tantrum.  Read More... Posted Aug 11 2008, 06:00 AM by TheFosters with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, first moments, pissed off, tantrum

• Baby Stroller as Battering Ram

  She hit me with it.  Standing there in a metro car, all of the sudden she wanted to maneuver and my shin was there and well, oh well.  There was the sleeping three or four year old sitting on one side of the Maclaren and an infant on the other side.  It was one of those twin strollers, wide but with only one wheel in the front, looking something like a stroller destined for the back country.  Everyone seems to have them these days.  I wondered if it gives parents the same sense of security that driving an SUV does.  Read More... Posted Aug 06 2008, 08:43 PM by TheFosters with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, gay, Fostering, Adoption, interracial, foster care, gay adoption

• Two-Face

  Yesterday, a coworker caught me in the stairwell and asked me how things were going with Ty.  My voice, usually on the deeper end of the scale, went up a couple of octaves (a sure sign that I'm not being particularly honest)  as I said "Things are going very well!".  We chatted for a moment, my face ready to crack under the pressure of my false smile.  We (she) joked about toddlers and their tendency to screech in public places, and she reminded me that "potty training is coming soon!"  Luckily, before my jaws disintegrated and my face melted away, showing the grimace underneath, we were interrupted by another coworker.  I said my goodbyes and made a quick exit. Read More... Posted Jul 30 2008, 09:07 AM by TheFosters with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, social servces, pissed off, loss

• Friday - a Much Needed Break

  There are times when I feel like we are in constant motion.  From sun-up until sun-down, we are either doing or on our way to doing. Weekdays are when I feel this way the most.  Saturdays and Sundays are their own special brand of Do Do Do!...Go Go Go!   Read More... Posted Jul 27 2008, 10:00 PM by TheFosters with | with 8 comment(s) Filed under: gay, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, outside fun, family

• Food Freak

  Yes, surprise, that's right, I am going to eat these blueberries.   Okay, so I have been a bit of a freak when it comes to our son and eating.  But it's really not my fault.  You see Ty came to us underweight and with few instructions, but for the charge that he was to ingest an exorbitant amount of calories everyday.  Imagine it--two first-time daddies having a baby dropped at their doorstep.  "And you expect us to get him to eat how much everyday--are you crazy?"  From the first night we were plotting how to get as many bottles and containers of baby food into him as possible.  Read More... Posted Jul 11 2008, 02:15 PM by TheFosters with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, bi-racial, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, first moments, food

• The Sharing of Waffles

  Back on October 17th, when Juan got the call from a social services worker about Ty – when Juan then called me at work to get my take– when I said yes and committed to being a father for the duration, I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into.  Sure, I knew that my life was about to change but only in a general I’m-going-to-be-a-dad sort of way.  I was willing, and as ready as I could be, to share my life with a child  In fact, I expected that there was going to be lots of sharing, and I was ok with that. Really.  I was. That is…until it was time for waffles. Read More... Posted Jul 07 2008, 10:41 PM by TheFosters with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: parenting, gay, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, food

• Thinking of Baby Number 2

  It's a little ironic that on one of my more sour and exhausted days, I write about wanting to add another child to the mix.  Since Ty discovered that the two little stubs below his waist actually took him places much faster if he stood on them, he has been relentlessly curious, determined, and stubborn.  He examines, tugs on, topples and deconstructs pretty much anything within his reach and line of sight.  This morning, I watched him careen around the living room, one compact bundle of energy and drool, stopping periodically to screech out something that could have been (if I didnt' know better) "don't you do that!", but it came out more like "dondooodooodat!"  He then moved on, full of purpose.  In a span of maybe two minutes, he had managed to investigate an outlet cover, the dog crate, a cabinet full of CDs, the doorknob to the sunroom, his activity table, and Mika's nose. I finally scooped him up and put him in his playpen.  All that motion might not tired him out, but I get beat just watching him. Read More... Posted Jun 30 2008, 09:27 PM by TheFosters with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: parenting, gay, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, family

• The Trip Home - Part I

  Wishing my son could grow-up around my family On the last day, I think we were all ready to head back home.  It was a good trip--the first time in recent memory that I had ever thought of moving back home.  In those seven days I got much more than I expected out of being with family, not that I had low expectations.  I felt their warmth in a different way than I ever had before.  After forty some-odd years of being their son, brother, uncle, friend, I was now a dad.  I don't know how that made me different or how it may have made them different towards me.  In any case there was so much good in what I and my little family felt from them.  Read More... Posted Jun 11 2008, 09:33 AM by TheFosters with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: parenting, Adoption, foster care, travel, seattle

• Strangers Among Us

  There is no time in my life other than this one as Ty's foster dad when I have been so acutely aware of strangers and their potential impact on our lives.  Juan and I have encountered what seems like an army of people, many who claim to have his and our interests in mind.  We've met others who, on the surface, seem to have the best of intentions and give us no reason to believe otherwise.  But who are these people?  What roles do they play?  What power do they have to shape our lives? Friend or foe? Read More... Posted Jun 07 2008, 01:20 PM by TheFosters with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: parenting, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, social servces, seattle, strangers

• Parents of Screaming Child are Choked by Angry Passengers...Details at 11

  Somehow I have this fear and dread about our trip.  Did we mention that we're going out of town?  Finally, we have decided no matter what Ty's future is with us, that we are going to make this little guy officially a part of our family.  He will be introduced to our extended families, thus the non-stop flight to the West Coast.  Later this summer we are planning an up-state New York trip to hit Darrow's family. Read More... Posted May 21 2008, 11:55 AM by TheFosters with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, parenting, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, first moments, outside fun, travel

• Cry Baby

  Crying.       I hate to cry.   Hate.   My son cries at the drop of a hat.  Periodically I notice tears on his face and remember that just 30 seconds ago he was trying to tell me something, some unfortunate thing I had done or failed to do for him: need food Da-da, need sleep, need diaper changing, need you to pick me up, don't need anything just felt like crying, Da-da.  Read More... Posted May 09 2008, 06:00 AM by TheFosters with | with 13 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, parenting, gay, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption

• The Tic-Toc-Tic-Toc

  I don't like it when my son is afraid.  What parent does?  I remember the few times that I inadvertently frightened him and made him cry.  I am kind of a softy so it was a little mortifying.  But I quickly learned that I could turn his fear on its ear.    Read More... Posted May 07 2008, 06:00 AM by TheFosters with | with no comments Filed under: Dads, parenting, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption

• When My Son Speaks

  I am not really worried about our son's speech development, even if I am reminded by physicians that statistically speaking, he's behind.  I live with the little guy everyday.  If his vocalizations were not growing more frequent and more complex over time, then I might be concerned, but it just isn't the case.  The latest demand of him is to acquire at least a ten word vocabulary by June.  What if he only has eight, or five or.....two.     "My son, the world is collapsing all around you without these ten words.  You will never amount to anything if you don't pipe up.  And no, I'm sorry but ‘gukum blik grlikm' does not count as three words."  Now that it is May, I am beginning to feel his pressure--just 30 more days and counting.  Ohmygawd, maybe I can bribe him with candy or massage his brain; practice verbal calisthenics; tell him that daddy will spank if he doesn't start spouting off a few choice phrases!   Read More... Posted May 02 2008, 09:32 AM by TheFosters with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, bi-racial, parenting, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, first moments

• A Week in the Life: Days 6 & 7 (The End...Kindof)

  The weekend was great. I don't think I could have asked for anything more, except maybe for a slightly warmer Sunday. We packed up the car early Saturday (Day 6) morning and headed to the Rainbow Families Annual 2008 Parenting Conference. We were a little concerned about keeping Ty up and out all day, but he did really well. He got cranky later in the morning, so he and I went to the quiet room (a room for parents and their 2 1/2 years-or-younger kids) and took a nap.  Actually, I laid on the floor on my back, and he took a nap on me.  Ty played... Read More... Posted Apr 28 2008, 08:02 AM by TheFosters with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, Fostering, Adoption, foster care

• A Week In The Life: Day 5 (Dumb Daddies)

  Ty woke up around 1:30 AM.   I swear, if he wakes up much earlier, he'll have succeeded in traveling backwards through time.  He must be stopped before he disrupts the space time continuum...and before we go stark raving crazy. The previous night, Juan gave the time traveler some juice and that seemed to work, so juice it was again.  We didn't bother trying milk. Ty had been having trouble all week keeping it down, and we didn't expect things to be any different this time. With the bottle finished, we put him between us and hoped that sleep would return for all. Instead, we got the usual bad manners - kicking, flopping around, whimpering, crying and smacking in the face. And then the battle began. Read More... Posted Apr 25 2008, 03:54 PM by TheFosters with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption

• A Week In The Life: Day 3 (A Close Encounter)

  Day 3 kicked off less dramatically (and less messy) for me than Day 1 and Day 2. Juan again took on the morning shift, allowing me to get to work early and get some things done. Ty handled his first drink of the day well, in part because Juan decided to give him a couple of ounces at a time instead of an entire bottle.  Also and hopefully, Ty's illness is subsiding.  We think we've narrowed down the cause of some of his issues of the past week to an ear infection in both ears. So two things happened on Day 3, one of which Juan has some comments on.  I'll set the stage... Ty was scheduled for an outpatient procedure on Day 3. On the afternoon of Day 2, Ty's worker informed us that she had notified the parents about the procedure and told them we (Juan specifically) would call them to provide time and location info to meet at the hospital. The suggestion was that Juan, Ty and Ty's mother were on their own. Other than a brief introduction 4 months ago when Juan met the parents, we've had no interaction with them.  None at all.  In fact, I've never met either one.  I'm not sure how things play out between parents and foster parents in other cases in the system. To say that we were a little incredulous about Juan being asked to contact and meet up with them at the hospital (without a social service resource being there) is definitely being kind.  The request felt like a setup for a very uncomfortable and awkward situation. Enter Juan, stage right: Read More... Posted Apr 23 2008, 11:00 PM by TheFosters with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: foster care, gay adoption, support group

• A Week In The Life: Day 1 (The Rabbit Killing)

  I should set the stage and say that A Week In The Life (AWITL from now on) starts off with Ty not feeling so hot. He spent the weekend alternating between deep sleep (and lots of it) and a strange, almost giddy behavior. Despite his relatively happy disposition this weekend, it was clear that he wasn't feeling well.  Friday night was the worst. We went out to eat with some friends. Ty was sick at the restaurant and then two more times on the way to the car.   Saturday (above) he fared better and managed to hold down some fluids.  And Sunday, he seemed to be on the mend. Ty held down some french toast for breakfast, a couple of bottles, and some dry cereal. Late Sunday afternoon, he seemed to be getting worse, but then he perked up when one of our neighbors, who happens to be a physician's assistant, came by to check things out. We put him to bed Sunday night around 8pm and hoped that he was through the worst of whatever he was experiencing.  If not, one of us would need to take off work and get him to the doctor the next day.   So that brings me to this morning... Read More... Posted Apr 21 2008, 04:00 PM by TheFosters with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: gay, Adoption, foster care