Meet the Fosters

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• A Weekend in September

  The thing about this weekend is that we didn't have an agenda.  There was no place to go, no where to be, nothing that we really needed to do.  After spending the entire day on Friday working on emergency repairs to our house with the assistance of a plumber (just love those plumbers), we were faced with a Friday night, a Saturday and Sunday all to ourselves.  We relished the weekend's possibilities.  We kept asking each other, "what do you want to do today?"  Of course everything revolves around the little moon boy and his nap schedule.   Read More... Posted Sep 22 2008, 08:40 PM by TheFosters with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: Fostering, foster care, dogs, food, books

• I'm going to put on a diaper and cry

  I don't know how to express this without it sounding a little weird, but here goes.  I am needy sometimes.  No, that's not the weird part.  And sometimes I want to be cradled and comforted and catered to.  It's true, I would sometimes just like to put on a diaper and cry about everything that I want and maybe just be a baby for a while.    "No, I don't want to eat my cereal and no I don't want any juice and no there is nothing you can do to get me to stop crying but I want you to continue to try."    I have been through a lot lately and I don't have to be rational, logic or even adult.  I would be happy if someone would just pick me up, put their arms around me and rock me for a while.  Okay, so that is the weird part.  Did I tell you that I have been through a lot lately? Read More... Posted Sep 19 2008, 10:00 PM by TheFosters with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, parenting, gay, Fostering, Adoption, gay adoption, family, sleep

• The Flow

  September 12, 2001, Washington, D.C.   The planes had stopped crashing to the ground, the buildings had stopped coming down, the emergency, the urgency, the oh my God help us the sky is falling on us, had stopped for the moment.  People began to move about stunned by the events of the day before.  I was at work because we were told that the government would not shut down.  I was in front of a computer screen but really I was somewhere else for most of September 12.  I don't remember what I did all day long.  On the Metro going home it was quiet, not a word, no one dared, no one could bring themselves to break the silence.  I sat at home-just me and Mika.  She provided me comfort until I got stuck to the television screen and didn't know how to unhook from the footage that they kept showing over and over.  I had the sense that day that I was swirling around an open drain and I didn't know how to stop from being sucked down into it.  Read More... Posted Sep 11 2008, 09:06 PM by TheFosters with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: gay, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, September 11

• Boogie Wonderland

  We succumbed to the dreaded end-of-summer family vacation, we tolerated the kitsch of the aging road-side amusement park.    We came, we saw, he conquered!   Read More... Posted Sep 03 2008, 09:58 PM by TheFosters with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, parenting, Fostering, Adoption, gay adoption, travel, vacation

• Temper, Temper

  Ty likes to go to bed--always has.  He also is usually very clear about this one thing.  Besides the typical cues like yawning and eye rubbing, when it's time for bed there are always a few telltale signs: fingers in the mouth; short little screams of frustration about everything; and lots of stumbling and falling.  So the other night he is doing his little teeter-totter walk, falling a little too often and one of his balancing arms is now out of service since he has his fingers stuck in his mouth.  So we daddies were ready for him to go down, having had one exhausting week ourselves.  I picked him up, told him we were going night-night and put him on the changing table to put his pajamas on.  But when I put him down he began what turned out to be his very first tantrum.  Read More... Posted Aug 11 2008, 06:00 AM by TheFosters with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, first moments, pissed off, tantrum

• Baby Stroller as Battering Ram

  She hit me with it.  Standing there in a metro car, all of the sudden she wanted to maneuver and my shin was there and well, oh well.  There was the sleeping three or four year old sitting on one side of the Maclaren and an infant on the other side.  It was one of those twin strollers, wide but with only one wheel in the front, looking something like a stroller destined for the back country.  Everyone seems to have them these days.  I wondered if it gives parents the same sense of security that driving an SUV does.  Read More... Posted Aug 06 2008, 08:43 PM by TheFosters with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, gay, Fostering, Adoption, interracial, foster care, gay adoption

• Christmas in July

  I am a product of the cartoon and claymation era of Christmas classics including The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, and Frosty the Snowman.  I think one of my favorites would have to be Santa Claus is Coming to Town.  It is sufficiently corny, has plenty of holiday cheer and this strange sexual energy between Jessica (the future Mrs. Claus) and Kris Kringle.  I believe that the claymation master in charge of the Jessica character was a bit of a freak.  She's got just a little too much curve going on for children's programming, but I digress.  Read More... Posted Jul 30 2008, 11:30 PM by TheFosters with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, parenting, Fostering, Adoption, gay adoption, Christmas, Santa Claus, Bewitched

• Two-Face

  Yesterday, a coworker caught me in the stairwell and asked me how things were going with Ty.  My voice, usually on the deeper end of the scale, went up a couple of octaves (a sure sign that I'm not being particularly honest)  as I said "Things are going very well!".  We chatted for a moment, my face ready to crack under the pressure of my false smile.  We (she) joked about toddlers and their tendency to screech in public places, and she reminded me that "potty training is coming soon!"  Luckily, before my jaws disintegrated and my face melted away, showing the grimace underneath, we were interrupted by another coworker.  I said my goodbyes and made a quick exit. Read More... Posted Jul 30 2008, 09:07 AM by TheFosters with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, social servces, pissed off, loss

• Food Freak

  Yes, surprise, that's right, I am going to eat these blueberries.   Okay, so I have been a bit of a freak when it comes to our son and eating.  But it's really not my fault.  You see Ty came to us underweight and with few instructions, but for the charge that he was to ingest an exorbitant amount of calories everyday.  Imagine it--two first-time daddies having a baby dropped at their doorstep.  "And you expect us to get him to eat how much everyday--are you crazy?"  From the first night we were plotting how to get as many bottles and containers of baby food into him as possible.  Read More... Posted Jul 11 2008, 02:15 PM by TheFosters with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, bi-racial, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, first moments, food

• The Trip Home - Part II

  How do you stretch a three hour nap over a four and a half hour flight...you don't       It has taken some time to get this down on paper.  I think in reflection it is easier to find some humor in it.  My predictions of an ill-fated plane ride home though dramatic, were pretty much on the mark.  But really, what's a vacation without a little traveling drama?  It makes the story a little more interesting for everyone.  I would much rather hear about the crazy taxi driver who almost killed everyone, or the sudden thunderstorm that threatened to wash our beach hut into the bay, then "we had a wonderful, relaxing time."  Read More... Posted Jun 13 2008, 09:45 AM by TheFosters with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, parenting, gay, Fostering, Adoption, travel, seattle, strangers, gay marriage

• The Trip Out

  Airlines Use Giant Baby to Push Back Plane from Gate    So I don't have any horror stories yet to tell but we are only through day two of a seven day trip.  I was so wound up by the time we were ready to leave for the airport that I wasn't sure I could handle screaming baby / evil passenger drama...surely we weren't ready, would forget something, would regret not taking more time to pack. Read More... Posted May 23 2008, 08:20 AM by TheFosters with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, parenting, Fostering, travel, dogs

• Parents of Screaming Child are Choked by Angry Passengers...Details at 11

  Somehow I have this fear and dread about our trip.  Did we mention that we're going out of town?  Finally, we have decided no matter what Ty's future is with us, that we are going to make this little guy officially a part of our family.  He will be introduced to our extended families, thus the non-stop flight to the West Coast.  Later this summer we are planning an up-state New York trip to hit Darrow's family. Read More... Posted May 21 2008, 11:55 AM by TheFosters with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, parenting, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, first moments, outside fun, travel

• Cry Baby

  Crying.       I hate to cry.   Hate.   My son cries at the drop of a hat.  Periodically I notice tears on his face and remember that just 30 seconds ago he was trying to tell me something, some unfortunate thing I had done or failed to do for him: need food Da-da, need sleep, need diaper changing, need you to pick me up, don't need anything just felt like crying, Da-da.  Read More... Posted May 09 2008, 06:00 AM by TheFosters with | with 13 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, parenting, gay, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption

• The Tic-Toc-Tic-Toc

  I don't like it when my son is afraid.  What parent does?  I remember the few times that I inadvertently frightened him and made him cry.  I am kind of a softy so it was a little mortifying.  But I quickly learned that I could turn his fear on its ear.    Read More... Posted May 07 2008, 06:00 AM by TheFosters with | with no comments Filed under: Dads, parenting, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption

• When My Son Speaks

  I am not really worried about our son's speech development, even if I am reminded by physicians that statistically speaking, he's behind.  I live with the little guy everyday.  If his vocalizations were not growing more frequent and more complex over time, then I might be concerned, but it just isn't the case.  The latest demand of him is to acquire at least a ten word vocabulary by June.  What if he only has eight, or five or.....two.     "My son, the world is collapsing all around you without these ten words.  You will never amount to anything if you don't pipe up.  And no, I'm sorry but ‘gukum blik grlikm' does not count as three words."  Now that it is May, I am beginning to feel his pressure--just 30 more days and counting.  Ohmygawd, maybe I can bribe him with candy or massage his brain; practice verbal calisthenics; tell him that daddy will spank if he doesn't start spouting off a few choice phrases!   Read More... Posted May 02 2008, 09:32 AM by TheFosters with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, bi-racial, parenting, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption, first moments

• A Week in the Life: Days 6 & 7 (The End...Kindof)

  The weekend was great. I don't think I could have asked for anything more, except maybe for a slightly warmer Sunday. We packed up the car early Saturday (Day 6) morning and headed to the Rainbow Families Annual 2008 Parenting Conference. We were a little concerned about keeping Ty up and out all day, but he did really well. He got cranky later in the morning, so he and I went to the quiet room (a room for parents and their 2 1/2 years-or-younger kids) and took a nap.  Actually, I laid on the floor on my back, and he took a nap on me.  Ty played... Read More... Posted Apr 28 2008, 08:02 AM by TheFosters with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, Fostering, Adoption, foster care

• A Week In The Life: Day 5 (Dumb Daddies)

  Ty woke up around 1:30 AM.   I swear, if he wakes up much earlier, he'll have succeeded in traveling backwards through time.  He must be stopped before he disrupts the space time continuum...and before we go stark raving crazy. The previous night, Juan gave the time traveler some juice and that seemed to work, so juice it was again.  We didn't bother trying milk. Ty had been having trouble all week keeping it down, and we didn't expect things to be any different this time. With the bottle finished, we put him between us and hoped that sleep would return for all. Instead, we got the usual bad manners - kicking, flopping around, whimpering, crying and smacking in the face. And then the battle began. Read More... Posted Apr 25 2008, 03:54 PM by TheFosters with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, Fostering, Adoption, foster care, gay adoption

• Who are we?

  We are Darrow, Juan and T.  We are two Dads and a pre-toddler.  We are an interracial couple with a bi-racial baby and three hodge-podge breed big dogs.  We are as close to married as the law allows.  We are diaper changing, baby food flinging, bottle juggling newbie dads who sometimes trip up one another in our effort to care for our son.  We are a family like every family, but just a little different.  And yes, we are foster parents, sort of unwittingly, but fosters nonetheless.    We are fun and games dads of the silliest kind.  We have no problem making strange faces and odds noises in public in an effort to entertain our son.  We revel in his beautiful smile and his hearty, infectious laugh.  We cannot imagine our life without this amazing little boy.  That is why we also periodically turn to one another in tears, because as fosters we find ourselves from time-to-time in a fragile state, knowing that his future with us is uncertain.  So we live in the yin and the yang, the one side making the other side that much sweeter and poignant.  And if we write about happy, silliness one day and sound like we are drowning in our fears the next, we hope that if you choose to read our posts, you will forgive us for sounding a little crazy.  Sometimes that is the reality of the Fosters--welcome to our world. --D, J & T  Posted Apr 14 2008, 09:12 PM by TheFosters with | with 17 comment(s) Filed under: Dads, bi-racial, parenting, gay, Fostering, Adoption, interracial