Like millions of other folks, I am - at this very moment - watching the season premiere of the TLC reality show, "Jon & Kate Plus 8," which has over time morphed from a reality show about a family into a reality show about a family on a reality show. As I sit here watching Jon and Kate Gosselin sit there on the screen across my living room, each individually offering up the most private details of their very public marital difficulties to their huge viewing audience, I feel sort of like a participant the ultimate postmodern performance art piece. It's "The Truman Show" come to life, but with a weird return feedback loop via the very opinionated online community that has grown up around the show, and the family.
I've watched the show a number of times over the past few years, fascinated like so many other mamas by how in the WORLD these people manage having 8 young children without losing their minds. I must admit that I always found the family - at least as presented on their TV show - to be a little bit on edge, particularly Kate Gosselin. (On the other hand, I would probably be a little bit crabby as well if I were raising twins and sextuplets.) Today, I happened to be home most of the day - a rare thing - and there also happened to be a "Jon & Kate" marathon on all day. So while I did a lot of cleaning the house, I left the TV on in the background, watching episodes of the show from each season.
While I realize that much of the "unscripted" show is quite scripted, I still felt like I got enough of the reality of their family life in watching them go about their day-to-day lives in these back-to-back episodes to recognize that I was truly watching a real-life tragedy unfold over time. The harried, slightly bitchy, but loving mama of 2006 - looking suburban-cute in cargo pants and flip flops as she bustled about her very modest kitchen, knee deep in children - has been replaced by an overdressed, over-tanned, overcoiffed, obviously depressed, exhausted and angry woman. She now lives in a mansion, travels many days each week (with a bodyguard) while her young children remain at home, and she and her husband - with whom she lovingly bickered in the first seasons - are openly discussing divorce. In the season premiere tonight, I see the estranged couple struggle through their kids' birthday party, with pain over their disintegrating marriage palpably etched on their faces. The seriousness of the situation is obvious to viewers, because it's needed for dramatic tension. Unfortunately, as I watch the scene play out, it's also all too obvious to their eight children, who seem anxious and unsettled.
This would all make for a riveting TV drama, with a strong story arc, a fascinating premise and interesting character development. But in a TV drama, the actors get to go home after each day on the set. They get a chance to unwind and let go after particularly demanding or emotionally harrowing scenes. But these people - particularly these (spectacularly adorable) children never, ever, ever get to escape from the tension of the "scene."
And what about the children? Without the exceptional family configuration that includes both twins and sextuplets, there would be no TV show, no book tours, no mansion, no designer clothes or bodyguards or household help.... In other words, these 8 young children are the raison d'etre for their parents' "success." They are the meal tickets, straight up. But for their existence, no advertisers would pony up the big bucks for Jon & Kate Gosselin to share their lives on television every week. And with this season's explicit focus on the parents' marital woes, the kids are being forced into the incredibly inappropriate position of performing supporting roles in a weekly TV drama now focused directly on their own family's disintegration, something both adults say is due primarily to the stress of the TV show and resulting celebrity. Which means that one one day, these children will come to believe that the TV show that was created about them ultimately tore their parents' marriage apart. This is really, really sick. And as I understand it, because reality TV kid stars like the Gosselin 8 fall outside the legal protections set up for other child employees, these children may never see one penny personally from the huge income this show (and spinoff products like books & speaking engagements) is currently generating.
So now the hour-long premiere episode is wrapping up with Jon & Kate Gosselin, together on the interview couch, tearfully explaining directly to the cameras that their marriage is almost certainly over. They both seem genuinely heartbroken; this is no act. They go on to explain that it was indeed the pressure of celebrity that has taken them down this unhappy path. Which begs the question: why in the world do they keep doing the TV show? I understand that they may have started doing the previously light-hearted show with both healthy intentions and strong boundaries, but the whole thing has turned on them, devouring the very commodity they had to offer advertisers.
But have these parents forgotten that they remain in control? They don't have to perform for anyone but themselves, and neither do their children. Jon and Kate Gosselin can shut the whole enterprise down, and maybe even mend the damage. (I also find myself asking whether they have told their children this bit of rather important family news regarding their impending divorce before they are telling you and me.)
This is disturbing, and I feel dirty having allowed myself to watch it.
I won't be watching again.
