Father of the Year - All Comments

re: A Fond Farewell

Trey — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 01:31:20 GMT

You all are the best. I'm blushing.

re: A Fond Farewell

AngelB — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 01:15:40 GMT

Big hugs Trey! I loved your blog and I so love your writing, your kids and your new family! I will miss you very much here! Yay for your website! See you over there! Hugs for you all!

re: A Fond Farewell

Tracey — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:46:52 GMT

Good luck to all of you! Thanks for sharing your stories, I enjoyed the blog very much. I'll look out for the tv show.

re: A Fond Farewell

Springsteen fan — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 17:22:09 GMT

Darn! I hate to lose you! I wish you lots of future success in all things love, life and work-related. You are doing a wonderful job with your gorgeous kids.

re: A Fond Farewell

Whitney — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 18:11:52 GMT

Oh no! I just discovered your blog a few weeks back and now it's leaving..oh well, I still haven't read all of the past entries :) Good luck with everything + can't wait for the TV series!

re: A Fond Farewell

Marie Eve — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:07:35 GMT

Goodbye and good luck! TV series by Chris Rock? That's awesome...

re: A Fond Farewell

EG — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 12:59:38 GMT

Bye Chet, Bye Ava! Best wishes to all of you!

re: A Fond Farewell

Noell — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 00:55:12 GMT

Sad to see you go...good luck with your new expanding family!

re: Putting on the Ritz

White girl — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 18:45:54 GMT

Ok, a question from the ignorant white girl...

How do you get her hair to curl like that? Is it natural? Love it!

re: Putting on the Ritz

Melissa — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 16:54:51 GMT

Absolutely adorable!

re: Putting on the Ritz

leahsmom — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 14:51:36 GMT

Man, the cuteness of these kids is absolutely killing me! How the heck did you get these guys SO DARNED CUTE? Agggh!

re: Back in the Thick of It

Trey — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 13:37:33 GMT

Great suggestions from everyone. Thanks a lot. I have told Chet that while A, M and Ava are out pampering themselves just the two of us will go out and do something fun. A just arrived and so far Chet's doing a better.

re: Back in the Thick of It

Lin — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 23:05:20 GMT

I don't think its greedy at all to want to have your family together and happy! Divorce can do a number on kids, and it seems to affect the youngest child most obviously.

My parents split when I was 10 and my brother was 8. He immediately became really hard to handle, acting out a lot, arguing with my new step-parents, moving from house to house, etc. I internalized things a lot more (ended up with depression & anxiety). I'm currently in my last year of college, my bro just started. Both of us have lived on our own for years now and are in long-term, happy, relationships. Of course we are a different set of kids than your two, but we turned out just fine.

What helped me most as a kid was to know that despite what else was going on with my parents, they wanted ME. They wanted my time and my insights and my attention. Saying little things like "I thought about you at work today when..." or "Your sister told me you've been practicing riding your bike really fast. Want to race?" It really helps to know that you add a key element to your parent's world.

My biggest complaint with having step sibings was being forced to babysit or clean up after them. It sucks. And it makes you bitter. Try to avoid sticking them with that job if you can!

(PS: Loved the book, loving the blog)

re: Back in the Thick of It

jen — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 07:04:35 GMT

One other to point out that's obvious, but sometimes when someone says it, you have that "oh, yeah" moment. With A and her daughter in the picture and sharing your home, the gender split has shifted - instead of you and Chet being 2 guys "against" one girl (not that we view it that way, but a 7 year old might), he's now outnumbered (and so are you, for that matter!) No matter how much he may adore A and her daughter and no matter how great a sibling relationship he has with your daughter, the dynamic has shifted and he's sure to be feeling that, but probably not able to express it.

I agree with everyone else - continue spending that quality time together, but maybe stress that you two need "guy time" to help him continue to identify with you and not feel lost in a sea of gals.

Best wishes - am loving your "new" family!

re: Back in the Thick of It

mombo — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 22:48:11 GMT

It almost sounds like he's playing a game of "What if?" As in, What if things don't work out? Will I still be OK? I think that very matter-of-fact answers would be the appropriate response. (Kind of like that post you made a while back about the art exhibit that was somewhat shocking.) Don't let him see you get your buttons pushed, just answer. I know my daughter went through a phase when she'd ask things like, "What if I don't wake up in the morning because I die in my sleep?" (Totally out of the blue). We just tried to be gently reassuring.

As for the house in the woods--maybe he is a country boy. Maybe when he's an adult, he'll opt for living in a more rural setting. When he brings that up, let it be a launching pad for where YOU thought you might live when you were a kid. On the moon? Near an ocean? In a house with lots of windows? There are lots of ways to spin things so that it seems like you're interested in his point of view.

Just my two cents.

re: Back in the Thick of It

Tracey — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:05:25 GMT

I think that in the past I suggested some one on one guy time with Chet. I'm going to suggest that again. It's quite possible that with all of the changes, and people coming in and out of your lives, Chet is feeling anxious about his place in your world and the world. Maybe he liked being in the country because it was quieter and slower and seemed more stable to him?

Maybe take an hour a week or so to do something with just you and Chet, so he can feel who you are without other distractions and activities. Kids adapt quickly, but it's also good for them to have some routine and some things that they know they can fall back on when they feel pressed and anxious. Chet seems to want to be able to fall back on you, maybe a little time with him will let him know you get it.

I don't know.

re: Back in the Thick of It

Marie Eve — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 14:05:14 GMT

Of course a few bumps on the road were expected... It's not the first time you hint that Chet has a little bit of a hard time readjusting after spending some time with his mom and then abruptly not seeing her anymore... My two-cents is he's not reacting to your new "arrangement" as much as to the difficult situation of not having his mom around much.

I think you're doing a great job, hang on, things will eventually fall back into place. Good luck anyway!

re: Back in the Thick of It

Adina — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 03:53:58 GMT

Perhaps this is stating the obvious, but make sure you continue to make one-on-one time with Ava and Chet, even with all the new pressures on your time. Also, make changes as incremental as possible. I wasn't living with my dad after my parents divorced, but it felt like my step-mom's existence changed *everything*. As a kid, you can feel pretty powerless.

On the other hand, having witnessed how things have gone down with my mom and step-sister, do make sure your kids have an opportunity to really bond with A in their own way, and really present a united front when it comes to discipline and rules. My step-dad (bless him), is a real softie, and that caused problems for all when my mom felt like she was being undermined.

A tough balance to be sure, and worth checking in with both kids and A to see how everyone's doing.

Good luck!

re: I'm Such a Sap

Mocha Dad — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 02:49:04 GMT

Trey,

I understand how you feel about needing a break. I thought that I would be able to write posts for my blog each night. With kids, it's not so easy. I'm truly amazed that you got your kids to clean the room. Mine are like wrecking crews.

re: The Beginning of the Beginning

Tracey — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:25:01 GMT

Congrats! Exhausted and happy, eh?

I must tell you that "Sweet Baby James" is my song for my son. Only I sing "Sweet Baby Cade". I sang it to him every night in heavy rotation when he was an infant. Now that he's more sentient, he prefers a story (my singing is lame), but that song will always be "our" song to me. I even blogged about it so he'd know when he got older.

re: The Beginning of the Beginning

CC — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 22:57:19 GMT

Congratulations and best wishes!

re: The Beginning of the Beginning

What a weekend — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 13:16:36 GMT

Awe.. I love that song too. My husband's name is James so I always loved it.

Best wishes for your new living arrangments. I am sure they will all adjust just fine.

re: My New Family

Jah Jah's Momma — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 05:44:07 GMT

Yes, I am Asian & my daughter's poppa is African American...she is a beautiful blend of our features, the texture of her hair is Asian but it's very curly...when daddy & baby walk in a room together, they ask him right away what her other half is...and this is in very progressive SF Bay Area...really, it doesn't matter to my family, b/c we don't see that but yes, people are VERY nosey, esp. if they are of my race or of her daddy's race...it's like they want to put the baby on one side or the other...sort of like the Tiger Woods' issue...

re: My New Family

Labgirl — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 17:54:00 GMT

I'm 34 and still sometimes have people ask if my mother is "really" my mother because we look nothing alike. I guess some things never change.

Lisa

re: My New Family

Tracey — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 03:20:31 GMT

I dated a guy who was biracial (his mother was white, his father was black), for a few years. He was adopted by a black family when he was a baby. His adopted parents caught hell all the time because Sean was a light skinned baby and they were brown skinned. This was in New York City in the early 70s and Sean's dad told me he carried a knife because people would try to provoke him into fights about his son.

The local shopping center nearest to one of the most upscale neighborhoods is rife with white women carrying black/asian babies. I'd never ask why because it's not my business. I just assume they are probably adopted and very much loved.