I think it's great you can put your feelings aside for the sake of your kids. It must be quite strange for you... and as you say, the women, understandably, don't like it either. I don't think anyone will ever easily be comfortable with that situation. As you so honestly say, it's completely de-sexualized, however, most women would not have an easy time understanding that, even if they were in a similar position (you know b/c everything is about sex with men!).  My hats off to you-- for dealing with every aspect of it, including not bowing down and offering your bed to her-- I totally get why you wouldn't!

Oh, and have a safe trip!

I'm 27 years old and my parents split up when I was 19. So I had my entire childhood with them together. But I still secretly love it when they spend time with us, together, and do it amicably, haha. And even though I'm an adult I still feel sad that this happens so rarely. So I think you are doing a great thing.

Good for you for working hard to maintain some kind of "family" even if you and the mom are not together.  It is hard but the best thing you can do for your kids is offer healthy examples of all kinds of relationships.  After 10 years of being a stepmom the thing I am proudest of is how all 4 of us parents (we are sort of a team) do not bad-mouth each other EVER in front of my stepdaughter.  If you can get along well enough to let her stay in your apartment you are doing something right.  

I think that the girlfriends are going to have to just learn to deal with it.  Nothing in life is perfect.  My man's ex and mother of his 2 teenagers is the one that never could be friendly.  If it was up to me, we'd all be cool.  

Though it's nowhere near the same as an ex husband, I spent a lot of time with an ex boyfriend's daughter.  He's told his girlfriends that I will always be able to see her.  He's met my man, I've met his woman and we are all cool.  We attend get togethers at their house.  His daughter still spends weekends with me sometimes.

I think grown ups just have to try to be flexible when kids are involved.  If you trust each other, it shouldn't be that difficult.

That's wonderful that you and your ex are able to be civil and enjoy your kids together. My parents have been divorced for nearly 15 years, and only now have they decided to be pleasant to each other--and only because my sibs and I demanded it after they nearly ruined our sister's wedding. Believe me, your kids will one day understand what a gift you two are giving them.

Do not change a thing Trey.  I agree with Logical Mama, do not give up your bed though, keep the sanctity there.  Your kids appear to be growing up to be some dynamic little beings and I am sure some of that has to do with how well you and your ex are able to keep things civil.  I may not like my ex husband, but it is imporatant to me for my children to see me behave towards him with some mode of decorum.  Kids are very observant!!  

I agree with you about keeping your bed to yourself. It would be sad to me too. The first thing I did when me and my ex-husband separated was sell the bed. I knew I'd never be able to sleep in it again. Oddly enough, I sold it to a friend's daughter who wanted it for her marriage bed. I thought it was ballsy of her to shoo off the bad karma of a divorce and buy it. Or foolhardy.

I can also understand how de-sexualized it all is too. Nothing will kill your mojo for another person more than the deep sadness that comes with an ended marriage. Once you share those blissful moments of sunshiny optimism, "till death do us part", and planning a future with children, it's hard to forget how it was all dashed and came down to who gets the dishes and whose copy of "Graceland" on vinyl.

You're doing it right, your kids are a reflection of that.

kudos.  seriously. co-parenting is tricky and I think that you do what you can, when you can - to make things good for your kids.