FameCrawler : jokes

Isla Fisher's Golden Globe Arrival

Whit Honea — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 20:03:00 GMT

Isla Fisher was as good as her husband's jokes were bad (although, for the record, I thought he was pretty funny) at the Golden Globes.

I'm guessing Olive was with a sitter. Now there's a gig, babysitting for celebrities on award night. Cha-ching.

Smile, Olive!

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Joey McIntyre and His New Kid

Whit Honea — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:25:00 GMT

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Joey McIntyre has heard every New Kids on the Block joke that I could possibly think of so I'll spare him.

That's what I was going to write, until I realized young master Griffin, age one, hasn't. I bet that sweet boy hasn't heard half of the good stuff- or should I say the right stuff?

Um, never mind. Sorry, dude.

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A Mad Moment with Amanda Peet

Whit Honea — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 20:52:00 GMT

Amanda Peet is as grumpy as her daughter is cute.

I can't believe she's trying to bring back the un-Bjorn look. That is so last week.

Yes, these are the jokes, folks. But seriously, does she really carry her daughter in that? That cannot be good on the back.

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Sarah Silverman to be a Foul-Mouthed Mother

Whit Honea — Mon, 05 May 2008 17:56:00 GMT

Sarah Silverman loves Jimmy Kimmel, but she has no plans to marry him. "I don't want the government involved in our love," she tells People. "When my friends get married I think it's romantic, I cry, whatever, but it's not for me."

What about kids? Will her lady parts be used for anything other than one-liners and Matt Damon visits?

"I might adopt, but we're going to wait. If you're going to have kids, you need to have time to give them undivided attention."

I can't believe that I just wrote a whole post on Sarah Silverman and the only person that mentioned her vagina was me.

Photo: Snarkerati

Victoria Beckham: From Wrecking Music To Trashing Fashion

Karen — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 20:04:00 GMT

Is she chaneling Seinfeld's mother? Does she want a cigarette in a foot long cigarette holder? Bingo? Lawn bowling? Pinochle tourney?

Seriously - screw the apologies for breaking up the Spice Girls (thanks Vicki, by the way), she should be putting out a public apology for this ~~bathrobe~~ coat.

Dear Spice Girls: No Apology Needed

Victoria Beckham Broke Up The Spice Girls

The Spice Girls Tour: CANCELED! Mothers Everywhere Rejoice

Dear Spice Girls: No Apology Needed

Karen — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 17:03:00 GMT

The Spice Girls ~~think we care~~ issued an apology for canceling the rest of their ~~world~~ tour. The tour was canceled due to family obligations they say, but Victoria Beckham is again attempting to steal the spotlight by telling the world she is responsible.

Really ladies, just wrap it up.

"It's been incredible being back together and seeing our fans again. Really sorry if we didn't get to see you this time around. We have other commitments in our lives now. But who knows what will happen next?" the band stated in the apology.

The tour is set to end in Toronto on February 26th.

Victoria Beckham Broke Up The Spice Girls

Karen — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:06:00 GMT

Mothers everywhere rejoiced when we heard the Spice Girls final tour was coming to an end, and Victoria Beckham is claiming it was all her doing. Boy I'd like to shake her hand.

Husband David Beckham says his wife quit the Spice Girls to become a full time fashion designer. Victoria herself claims she only re-joined the Spice Girls for her 3 sons.

"I was very nervous about going back into the Spice Girls because I didn't want to send out a confused message," News of the World reported her as saying.

"The reason I decided to do the tour was to show my kids that mummy was a pop star once.”

Victoria has also said that she may not join ‘Spice Girls’ in future again.

"I've been thinking about this for a long time. I'm not in the music industry any more. I'm in the fashion industry,” she said.

"I'm putting together a team of people now so it will be my main project when I finish this tour in a month. It's the last opportunity there will be to see the Spice Girls together,” she added.

The Spice Girls Tour: CANCELED! Mothers Everywhere Rejoice

Karen — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 17:01:00 GMT

Yeah, I called this days ago, but The Spice Girls website is trying to dole out different reasons:

01 February 2008

IMPORTANT TOUR ANNOUNCEMENT

Sadly the tour needs to come to an end by the end of February due to family and personal commitments for Emma, Geri, Mel B, Melanie C and Victoria. It was announced in June that, as well as the Europe and the US, the girls planned to visit Australia, China, South Africa and Argentina. Due to the phenomenal demand for tickets in the UK and the US along with the touring logistics for such a massive production it was not possible to fit everything in. As the girls return to normal family life and the kids go back to school they are reviewing all the options, who knows what the future might bring!

The girls said: “We’ve had such an amazing time over the last 3 months. It’s been incredible being back together and seeing our fans again. We want to thank everyone who came to see us. It was all so mad the first time round, so we’ve really been able to appreciate it properly this time. There have been so many highlights and good times that we know it will be hard to be apart after Toronto. Really sorry if we didn’t get to see you this time round. We all have other commitments in our lives now but who knows what will happen next.”

Whatever. I'm glad to see them go home. All this hype for overpaid, undertalented women to act like heathens in front of America's, Canada's and Britain's daughters? They're like the Mom-version of Bratz dolls. And by Bratz dolls, I mean whorish puppets made of plastic.

Some Spice Girls jokes for you:

Q. What is the best thing about getting a blow job from a Spice Girl?
A. 10 minutes of silence.

Q. What do you do if a Spice Girl hurls a grenade at you?
A. Take out the pin and throw it back.

Q. What did the Spice Girls mum say to her daughter's date?
A. If you're not in bed by eleven then go home.

Q. What do you call a Spice Girl behind a steering wheel?
A. An air bag.

Q. What's the difference between an intelligent Spice Girl and a UFO?
A. Dunno, never seen either.

Q. What's the difference between a Spice Girl and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been inside a 747.

Q. Why do Spice Girls smile when lightning strikes?
A. They think they're getting their photo taken.

Q. A blonde and a Spice Girl jump off the Empire State building, who
lands first?
A. The blond, the Spice Girl had to stop to ask directions.

Q. How many Spice Girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they only screw in cars.

Q. What does a turtle and a Spice Girl have in common?
A. Put them on their back and they're both f*cked.

Q. Why don't Spice Girls eat bananas?
A. They can't find the zip.

Q. Did you hear that the Spice Girls are going to employ Louise
Woodward as their new manager?
A. Apparently she's going to drop Baby Spice.

Q. What do Posh Spice and Dennis Bergkamp have in common?
A. They're both f*cking good football players.

EDIT: Commenter Christine wants to know my reason behind calling the Spice Girls whorish.

Reason #1

Reason #2

Reason #3

It's isn't at all the way they dress. It's the way they conduct themselves in front of children. Grabbing tits and faking blow jobs on stage is not something I would want my child to see, nevermind the being drunk on stage, falling down and laughing about it. Some of these women are mothers themselves and ought to understand that their whorish behaviour and stupidity is ignorant when they know full well who their target market includes. They are money grubbing, media whores. Period.

John Gibson Says He's Sorry

Whit Honea — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 01:43:00 GMT

John "He Quit" Gibson has issued an apology for his crap. Do you buy it?

Keith Olbermann Calls Gibson the Worst Person

Whit Honea — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 20:13:00 GMT

On Keith Olbermann's MSNBC program Countdown he has a daily feature in which he lists the worst people of the day. Guess who was number 1? That's right, FOX idiot in residence, John Gibson.

Watch Olbermann's take, spot on per usual.

Photo: NYMag

FameCrawler : jokes

Isla Fisher's Golden Globe Arrival

Joey McIntyre and His New Kid

A Mad Moment with Amanda Peet

Sarah Silverman to be a Foul-Mouthed Mother

Victoria Beckham: From Wrecking Music To Trashing Fashion

Okay, Spice Women, You're Sorry- We Get It

Dear Spice Girls: No Apology Needed

Victoria Beckham Broke Up The Spice Girls

The Spice Girls Tour: CANCELED! Mothers Everywhere Rejoice

Dear Spice Girls: No Apology Needed

Victoria Beckham Broke Up The Spice Girls

The Spice Girls Tour: CANCELED! Mothers Everywhere Rejoice

John Gibson Says He's Sorry

Keith Olbermann Calls Gibson the Worst Person