FameCrawler : deadbeat dads

K-Fed Squanders Chance to Buy Four Puppies

Whit Honea — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 17:11:00 GMT

Reports are out that proud papa, Kevin Federline, has been dropping some serious cash decorating the nurseries in his new home. Apparently he spent $14,000 at one store alone, which is roughly what I have spent, total, at every store, ever. It is also enough to buy 3 new Yorkie puppies, a bag of dog food and still pay my mortgage.

At least he's thinking about the boys. That's more than some people are doing.

K-Fed Has New Girlfriend, Commence Baby Watch

Whit Honea — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 13:15:00 GMT

Seriously.

Kevin Federline, seen here pouring some "juice" into the holy grail for douche bags, has got to be the biggest idiot to ever grace these pages. That's saying a lot.

Somehow K-Fed has managed to get a new girlfriend, and even more impressive, she's not pregnant yet.

Liz Hernandez, a pretty DJ that sounds like radio but looks like TV (wink, wink), is now the "lucky" lady in this Romeo's life. According to friends, K-Fed is always going on about how smart she is. No shit. He hasn't exactly been shagging his way through Mensa. My dog is smart too, but you don't see me taking it behind the middle school and trying to get it pregnant.

I'll give this a week. If she's not knocked-up by then, then his name ain't Federline.

Boris Becker Scores Luv

Whit Honea — Sun, 01 Jul 2007 12:06:00 GMT

I know I called Boris Becker a schmuck, and frankly, he deserved it. At least he used to. The guy has done some very stupid and very selfish things. Of course everyone makes mistakes, and even though his were bigger than the average person's, that doesn't mean he can't change. I really hope that he has.

These three photos show Boris with his 3 kids, Noah, Elias, and Anna, and it can't hide the obvious- these kids love their father, and vice versa, with a joy that you don't see in many of the photos that line these pages. Boris Becker and his children are happy. That looks like a good change to me.

S-Fed Keeps It Straight, 4 Realz Y'all

Whit Honea — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 12:32:00 GMT

Sean Preston Federline, according to Us Weekly, hasn't been affected by his momma's crazy. They quote Britney Spears from her website "[I'm] feeling more at peace. Now recently I find with my children that I want them to have that feeling all of the time."

I have no idea what that means. I'm not sure if Britney does either, or she might actually try to spend some time with them. Then again, maybe that peace comes for S-Fed when Mommy ain't around, in which case he does have that feeling all of the time. That's heads-up parenting right there.

Boris Becker Keeping the Racquet Down

Whit Honea — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 12:30:00 GMT

Boris Becker is kind of a schmuck. Yet, it is obvious from this photo that his children, Noah, Elias, and Anna, absolutely adore him. That speaks volumes. Although, I suppose it could be the pony. Kids do love ponies.

K-Fed Lets Me Down 40 Minutes After Putting Faith in Him. His Best Time Yet.

Whit Honea — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 21:46:00 GMT

Kevin Federline, man, you're killing me. I just got done saying how you were, relatively speaking, the only hope your kids (the ones with Britney, not Shar) had left to lead a normal life, and there you go, throwing it right in my face.

Star is reporting that you are currently staying in some dump in Miami and showing up at bars by yourself at 4 in the morning to enjoy ten rums with juice. I seemed to have missed that lecture in Parenting 101.

For the record, I never claimed you weren't an idiot, just maybe a lesser one. Boy, is my face red.

Eddie Murphy is a Deadbeat Dad, but We Already Told You That

Whit Honea — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 18:02:00 GMT

People is announcing that Eddie Murphy is indeed the father of Melanie Brown's baby, Angel Iris Murphy Brown (that cracks me up every single time). It's all over the internet, or will be within an hour. We told you this a week ago. That's how we roll.

Nice try Murphy.

Mel B. is a Better Dancer and Less Skanky Than That Dirty Whore Heather Mills

BadKitty — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 17:38:00 GMT

Sky news is spreading the word that single mom/wronged woman/former Spice Girl Mel B. is going to be on the next season of best show ever, Dancing With The Stars, which is should be subtitled "Losing The Baby Weight With At Least One C-Lister Per Season."

Thank God, the producers will have a chance to redeem themselves after allowing That Dirty Whore Heather Mills to represent the UK. Her Bad Mother points out that Mel B. is sorta crazy when it comes to naming the kid, but she shakes a mean booty, the Eddie “Axel Foley Loves Him A Pre-Op Tranny Blowjob” Murphy done me wrong story is pretty compelling, and oh yeah, she has BOTH LEGS.

For the record, Eddie’s being a giant dick, and deserves to be publicly humiliated for sperm ding dong ditching. We'll have to think of a way to pay him back for that - anyone got any suggestions?

Lindsay's Beau a Deadbeat Dad?

HerBadMother — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 23:08:00 GMT

Like that should come as a shocker. Miss Lohan hasn't exactly been demonstrating taste or prudence in recent months - and what car-crashing, rehab-repeat starlet doesn't need a boyfriend with a knocked-up supermodel or two in his past? Isn't that, like, the latest accessory? (Or, wait - maybe it's has-been pop tarts toting husbands who've impregnated TV actresses. I get so confused.)

Next, expect to see Mischa Barton with that guy who left his wife to go knock up Tori Spelling. Or Paris Hilton with Kevin Federline. Deadbeat daddies are the new accessory dog - who needs a miniature chihuahua named TinkerBell when you can have a guy with a high sperm count and a trail of paternity suits?

You heard it here first, folks.