FameCrawler : celebutard

Britney Spears' Va-Jay-Jay Hacked

HerBadMother — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:04:00 GMT

Yeah, you read that right. Britney's nether regions got hacked, right into Facebook.

Somebody - somebody with waaaaay too much time on their hands - managed to hack into Britney's Facebook account - the real one - and post an update about her vagina. Specifically:

Hi Yall! Brit Brit here, just wanted to update you all on the size of my vagina. Its about four feet wide with razor sharp teeth.

(Britney has vagina dentata? COOL.)

Which, you know, is kind of funny and all - if you've never given birth, that is, in which case you were, for a moment, kind of horrified at the possibly that maybe, just maybe - apart from that four feet part (but four inches? MAYBE), and apart from the teeth, unless you take 'teeth' as a bad euphemism for 4th degree tear stitches - that it was true.

Source

Tori Spelling: Potties Are Not Just For Pee-Pee

HerBadMother — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 14:30:00 GMT

Tell me that this bit of information shocks you: Tori Spelling is proud of her potty mouth. In fact, she thinks it's cute. So cute that she sees no reason to stop swearing in front of her children.

She says that she freely drops F-bombs around her son because—get this—she’s so damn cute when she curses.

"I'm kind of a little girl potty mouth because I say it with such vulnerability. I don't have to censor myself in front of my son, it's not that bad."

Ooooh, I see. Saying F*CK vulnerably is perfectly acceptable. So, when her toddler starts telling the nanny to f*ck the f*ck off, that'll be okay, because it's cute and vulnerable, yanno?

What a complete and total asshat she is, seriously.

(Also, Tori Spelling Delusion Watch: currently, she believes herself to be 1) a MILF, 2) a gay icon, and 3) cute and vulnerable. What's next? My bet: 4) really good at math but also sexy.)

(GAG.)

Source

Heather Mills Nude Pics Finally Surface

HerBadMother — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:15:00 GMT

You know that you've been dying to see these. She may be one of the more batshit crazy of the celebrity moms that we cover here at FC, but crazy = dubious judgment and limited powers of self-censorship, so you just know that any and all of Heather Mills' nudie portfolio is going to be WHACK.

And, indeed, she does not disappoint:

Source

Jerry Seinfeld Is Lucky To Be Alive!

Sassy Smith — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 18:10:00 GMT

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld is lucky to be alive! The actor survived a serious car wreck in the Hamptons last weekend when the brakes on his vintage Fiat failed. Seinfeld was driving alone at the time on Skimhampton Road in East Hampton - the accident occurred around 7:40 p.m. according to the New York Post.

Police Chief Todd Sarris told the newspaper, "The brakes went bad. He had to pull the emergency brake." Jerry's car was headed toward traffic on Montauk Hightway when he lost control and he was forced to swerve to the right and the car ended up rolling onto the passenger side, and then the roof, before halting a few feet shy of other vehicles at an intersection on the driver's side.

Sarris continues, "His actions probably avoided a serious accident. I think he was a little shaken up, with justification."

Jessica Seinfeld told the Post, "He was a little shocked when he walked in and it started to dawn on him what happened. I was extremely relieved and grateful, and I'm feeling very lucky that nothing happened." She also said he walked away "without a scratch."

I'm sure his wife and three kids are quite relieved that he's okay!

Jerry, always the wiseguy said, "Because I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It's not something I plan to make a habit of." Ha!

Source

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Gary Busey Explains His Attack On Jen Garner. Sort Of.

HerBadMother — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 21:46:00 GMT

So, that whole thing that went down last night on the Oscar red carpet? Gary Busey attacking Jennifer Garner and Ryan Seacrest just standing there like a big limp douche? Well, Busey has finally come forward to explain his side of things. In a manner of speaking.

Ryan Seacrest, ever the ~~mediawhore~~ enterprising journalist, invited Busey onto his radio show today to talk about what exactly happened and what exactly Busey was on. Busey, as might be expected, was more than a little confusing in his explanation of the events:

"Well, what I wanted to do was when I first saw you (Ryan) working, I said, "Who is this guy?" And I said, "Oh God, this isn't going to work." And then you captured me. You are to me, when you're working, an innocent champion of honesty. Your heart has a way to embrace the truth in your delivery without looking like you are reading a script. Everything looks spontaneous. What spontaneity is—spontaneity comes from an invisible idea that is there before the creation began. And you have that naturally, so I just wanted to pay you a compliment. But I didn't know you were in the middle of an interview, I was just moving through there."

Translation: I was totally f*cked up on crack and vodka chasers and thought that Jennifer Garner was you. I love you, man.

Other Busey nuggets:

"The truth requires no questions."
"The word fan is an obsolete word to me. It means two thing: fantastic or fanatic. Or something that hangs on a ceiling or sits on a table and blows wind in your face."
"And I know you must remember to chase and catch your dreams. If you don't, your imagination will live in empty spaces, and that is nowhere land."

General translation: The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is blowin' in the wind. And you'd better go chase it. Here's some mescaline.

He's batshit f*cking crazy. Good times.

Source

Related:

Gary Busey Attacks Jen Garner At Oscars (UPDATED!)

Guess The Naked Preggo! (Semi-Naked Edition)

HerBadMother — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 23:41:00 GMT

Okay, so she's not so much naked as she is scantily-clad in a see-through dress, but whatevs: she's about as close to naked as you're going to to see in a candid shot, so it counts.

Yep, that would be Xtina, rocking the x-rated maternity wear. You gotta give her credit for the nerve.

Source

Breaking News: Britney Misses Deposition

HerBadMother — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 19:15:00 GMT

Oh, damn y'all! I just cain't do it! All y'all are makin' me sick! Or some such was the excuse when Britney just didn't show up at court today to give the deposition required of her in her long-running custody battle with ex-husband kevin Federline. Which, you know, you just don't do.

The story is still unfolding, but K-Fed's lawyer has said that it seems that she has some sort of illness or medical condition that has prevented her, last-minute, from attending.

Britney was expected to be questioned on such issues as her past drug and alcohol use, her struggles to abide by Court Commissioner Scott M. Gordon's orders, her habit of rolling over the feet of bystanders and her fitness or unfitness as a mother to sons Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1.

Someone's in deep shit, y'all.

Source; Source

Britney Reaches Out To Jesus. Jesus Says, Yo, Beyatch, Step Off!

HerBadMother — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 22:05:00 GMT

Just kidding. Of course Jesus wouldn't reject Spears. What was that bit in Gospels? The pantiless shall inherit the earth? Jesus loves all of his flock, even the ones who drive around on amphetamines with their kids in the backseat, looking for their next frappuccino fix. Jesus loves us all.

That said, is it really clear from the picture above that Britney is into Jesus? Sure, she's carrying a book about Jesus, or at least a book with Jesus on the cover, but isn't it possible that she mistook Jesus for Fabio, and that she really thinks that that's just an unusually thick Harlequin romance? OMG y'all some lady at KFC just gave me this book and she like said it was all about this guy who was like all about the love and all and who brings a lotta wine to parties and all and d'y'all think it has pictures? I'm gonna like totally read it y'all!

I know, I know - it is deeply un-Christian to cast aspersions upon another's faith. But I'm agnostic, so I get to be a cynical bitch when I feel like it.

Source

Kardashian Knocked Up?

HerBadMother — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 22:33:00 GMT

Apparently not, but a close call nonetheless. Still, what's scarier: a pregnant Kardashian or a lesbian Kardashian?

Kourtney Kardashian had a preggo scare recently, which, in true classy form, was broadcast for the world to see on her scripted reality show Keeping Up With the Kardashians - pregnancy tests and all. What a relief, then, after spreading her legs for the doctor (who gets tested that way? I just peed on a stick, had a little blood taken) to get a happy negative! How to celebrate? Go to Vegas and get wasted!

They're classy chicks, those Kardashians. Real classy.

Source: Jezebel

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Switching Teams

HerBadMother — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:01:00 GMT

For Hilary Clinton, no less. The conservative co-host of The View - currently on maternity leave - reportedly received a note from Hilary Clinton that was just so lovely and flattering that Hasselbeck sent Barbara Walters an e-mail stating that the former First Wife and possible first female president could very likely 'swing' her.

To the Democrats, that is. Which I think is actually about as likely as Hasselbeck becoming a lesbian and bedding down with Rosie O'Donnell, but then again, ratings are ratings, and what better way to bang back into that co-host chair than to announce a big ol' girl crush on Hilary Clinton? (Whaddup with Hilary, though - seducing La Hasselbeck, a conservative shrew if ever there was one? Is she that desperate for supporters, or does she just like her boobs?)

Source: GabbyBabble

The YouTube Verdict Is In: Britney Is "Like, So Sucky, C'mon!'

HerBadMother — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 17:23:00 GMT

Perez Hilton has proclaimed this young lady the next YouTube sensation, and I gotta say, she's pretty funny. She's pretty hard on Britney, though, calling her "fat" and "sucky" and passing all variety of harsh judgment on her appearance and talent and capabilities as a mother. Which is rich, coming from what appears to be a chubby, metal-mouthed teenager with a lisp, but still. Funny.

She's kinda got K-Fed pegged, too, as a poor rip-off of Justin Timberlake. Watch and giggle. (Forward to about 4:40 for the Britney smack.)

(Source: Perez Hilton, YouTube)

Kim Kardashian And Britney Spears In Hot Lesbian Love Affair

HerBadMother — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 16:33:00 GMT

Well, it would be hot, that is, if it weren't one-sided. In an interview with Kim on TRL yesterday, it came out that the beleagured popstar and single mother has a flaming girl crush on Miss Kardashian, but that Kim's, well, not that into her. Which is really too bad for Britney, because if there's one thing that could distract the masses from her general trainwreckedness, it would be a dirty ol' fling with a former Playboy centrefold and sex-tape star.

You can see the video of the interview here.

Source: Jezebel

Jessica Seinfeld On The Defensive, Again

HerBadMother — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 22:33:00 GMT

I'm starting to feel a little bit sorry for Jessica Seinfeld. Only a very little bit - I still think that she's a bit of a spoiled brat who maybe crossed a line or six in not acknowledging the unoriginality (ahem) of her recent best-selling, kid-deceiving cookbook - but still: some. After all, she's taking a bit of beating, and even the Teflon-coated popularity of her husband isn't really shielding the blows. The latest: The New York Times has been asking uncomfortable questions about the precised circumstances of her divorce, eight years ago. Did she or didn't she dump her newlywed husband, Eric Nederlander, just days after their honeymoon? Did she or didn't she immediately take up with Jerry Seinfeld? Isn't it true that she was involved with Seinfeld prior to that brief, ill-fated marriage?

Jessica's been warding off the questions with lame denials ("my marriage was already in trouble before the wedding;" "I met Jerry at a gym weeks later") but nobody seems to be buying it, not least The New York Times, which points out that "Ms. Seinfeld's account contradicts the unfolding of events as described in the news media at the time -- namely, that she left her husband for the comedian -- and which her own statements seemed to confirm."

Poor Jessica. This is how people treat you when you don't bribe them with $21,000 worth of designer shoes. Life just ain't fair.

Source: Jezebel

Why Does Perez Hilton Hate Britney? And, Can't He Keep Her Kids Out Of It?

HerBadMother — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 13:33:00 GMT

We get pretty snarky, sometimes, here at Famecrawler; there's really no good reason to do celebrity gossip, I think, unless you're going to give it an edge. Still, we try to not be mean (quibble if you must, but still - we try). And we certainly draw the snark line at the kiddies. No making fun of the kiddies. The kiddies didn't ask for this attention; the kiddies should be left alone.

Perez Hilton, however, does not seem to recognize such a line, especially when it comes to Britney Spears. Which, whatever. It sets my teeth on edge when he calls her Shitney, but that's his prerogative, and it's not like she's working very hard to avoid being mocked. But when he includes the babies in his nastiness? That's just wrong, even if the nasty is really just watered-down stupidity mascarading as edgy commentary..

He's right that Britney needs to take better care of her kids, if and when she ever gets to spend more than seven supervised hours with them, but calling out their dirty faces is just stupid. Babies and toddlers get their faces dirty. My child has a perpetual smear of applesauce across her face, which is only ever replaced by crayon and/or cookie and/or chocolate soy. Crumbs and bits of Play-Doh on her teeth, that sort of thing. She's clean for, oh, about twenty minutes each day.

So, yeah - it may be the case that the mini-Brits need more than a good wash and a scrub with a Barney toothbrush, but at first glance the evidence is dubious. Don't all toddlers look like this, at least some of the time?

And even if they don't, is it really necessary to splash this one's face across your grotty site while calling his mommy dirty names and suggesting that the very look of him screams neglect?

Probably not.

(Photos: Perez Hilton)

Heather Mills Ain't No Whore. Crazy, Maybe, But No Whore!

HerBadMother — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 13:33:00 GMT

But you can call her one, if you want. She might get mad. She might even threaten to sue. But she won't go through with it. Not, you know, because there's any truth in it or anything. She'll just forget.

She's got a lot on her plate, you know. Being crazy and all, that takes up a lot of one's time. So some stuff just slides, like denying ever having been a prostitute. And just 'cause she doesn't deny it, doesn't mean that it's true or anything. Hell no. She might have shown a boob or two in her time, but it's a far cry from clothing-optional "glamour modelling" to selling one's body. Just ask Kerry Katona.

Jerry Seinfeld Thinks It's HIL-arious That His Wife's Been Called A Thief

HerBadMother — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 15:02:00 GMT

It's too bad that the show Seinfeld is no longer on the air - Jessica Seinfeld's travails with her family cookbook, "Deceptively Delicious," would make a great sitcom storyline. So says Jerry Seinfeld, who can't believe that his wife has been accused of plagiarising vegetables.

“Hil-arious! Hilarious. Hilarious,” the comedian told EW. “I was saying to her this morning, I’m really regretting that I’m not doing the sitcom right now. 'The Puree Plagiarizer’ is a Seinfeld episode: ‘You stole my mushed-up carrots! I invented mushed-up carrots!' It’s just absolutely a riot to me."

He later went on David Letterman and said that the whole debacle makes a mockery of the very idea of plagiarism. “I love the term ‘plagiarism’ for this little event,” he said. “Because it used to be you had to really take a theme from a major novel, some sort of literary narrative. Now, you’re in your kitchen making brownies, you sneak a little spinach in there, your name’s dragged through the mud.”

Okay, so that's pretty funny. Jerry Seinfeld's a funny guy. But I still suspect that his wife is a bit of a douche who probably knew that there was a book like hers that had already been published but didn't care because, hey, she's Jessica Seinfeld and of course her book is going to sell bigger and so why should she give anyone credit? Nobody sells a book project without checking the market to see what else is out there - and Seinfeld's publisher had received and rejected the first book (“The Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids’ Favorite Meals” by Missy Chase Lapine) only months before picking up Seinfeld's project. And in any case, the whole controversy got fired up when Jessica Seinfeld claimed on Oprah that she did, in fact, invent mushed-up carrots. Which, end of the day, is the most ludicrous thing about this so-called controversy: a spoiled socialite who is best known for spending her gazillionaire husband's money on shoes expects us to believe that she just one day, while hovering over a blender, 'came up' with the idea of sneaking pureed vegetables into her kids' food. This, when really, I'd bet good odds that she's not touched a single kitchen appliance since becoming Mrs. Seinfeld. I don't believe it, and I'm pretty gullible. (I'm also pretty lazy, and have to admit that I wouldn't be laboring over blenders if I had a gazillion dollars. I'd hire a blender-jockey, for sure. But I digress.)

So, yeah, the whole thing would make a good Seinfeld episode. But it would totally be a Sue Ellen Mischke episode, and the Jessica-inspired Sue Ellen would send Oprah 20K worth of designer bras to thank her for promoting the book idea that she ripped off of Elaine. Classic.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Mommyblogger

HerBadMother — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 23:03:00 GMT

Elisabeth Hasselbeck will be coping with the slow pace of Arizona on her maternity leave from The View by blogging.

"I was intimidated by the whole [blogging] process," she admits, "But after doing my first one, I'm actually thankful to be marking this time in my life. And it's a nice way for people to keep up with me."

Yes, of course, because we're all desperately keen to keep up with her. Perhaps she can enlighten us further about her views on the loose women who have abortions, or expound upon the moral superiority of vapid blonde pseudo-celebrities. Maybe she'll just tell us all about how it's waaaay easier to be a super-good mom if you have your housekeepers wash baby's laundry with Dreft Detergent (the sponsors of her blog.)

All of which is to say, I have no intention of reading her blog. I have trouble keeping up with the gazillions of great mom blogs out there (starting with all those of my colleagues here at Babble, awesome parent-bloggers all) without worrying about the wholly mediocre ones. So, yeah - no thanks.

(photo credit: Bennett Raglin / WireImage)

Totally Biased Judgment Based On Totally Unfounded Tabloid Reports: Christina Aguilera Is A Douche

HerBadMother — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 17:04:00 GMT

Seriously. What kind of ungrateful bitch tosses baby toys that her husband's parents have given as gifts for her unborn child?

Star Magazine is reporting that when husband Jordan Bratman presented the diva with some toys that his parents had purchased at Babies'R'Us, she decided that she didn't like them and simply threw them away:

“Jordan came home with some toys for the baby that his family had bought at Babies R Us, but she didn’t like them - so she threw them out!" says a "friend." "She only wants gifts from the exclusive places she’s registered at, like Bellini, Petit Tresor and Bel Bambini in Beverly Hills!”

Okay, so the source is doubtful. And it's possible - as CeleBitchy points out in its update to their original report on this story - that Ms. Aguilera was simply concerned about toxic toys that were made in China or some other child-labor outpost with lax environmental and health regulations.

Puh-leeeeeease.

It's possible, of course, but I very much doubt it. Why? No reason, except that it seems to me much more likely that a known diva (who has also, reportedly, refused to attend any baby shower thrown in her honour that is not held at the Beverly Hills Hotel) would have a hissy fit about gifts not issuing from Rodeo Drive's finer boutiques than she would consult recall lists and fret over the origin of the otherwise darling Fisher Price Super Deluxe Craptastic Bouncer Delite.* And in any case, there's probably more lead in one swipe of her lipstick than in anything her husband's parents could purchase, and the buckets of bleach that she keeps pouring on her head throughout her pregnancy don't exactly scream "I worry about toxins."

I get the whole thing about disliking ~~much~~ some of the crap that gets handed to you when you're an expectant parent. But you don't toss it: you stick in your basement until the day comes when you realize that omigod you will not survive if you cannot stick that wailing baby in a exersaucer/electronic-swing/lights-and-vibrations-bouncy-chair. Because that day does come, I promise you. And if it doesn't? You give it all to charity. Somebody wants that shit. And, somebody thought well enough of you and your kid to give you that shit, so for god's sake be grateful.

*(That said, we should ALL worry about the origins of that Fisher Price thingamabob, and everything else that wasn't hand-made with organic materials by the granny down the street. Do your research and check recall lists and seek out toys made without toxins - you'll find excellent resources HERE. Pass it on.)

Britney Hides Lip Job (Insert Exposed-Nipple Or Exposed Panty Joke Here)

HerBadMother — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 18:32:00 GMT

So, Britney Spears got a lip job. We knew that, and in any case it doesn't rank super-high on the list of crazy shit that she's done. Still - it's kinda weird and sad. All the more so since she seems embarassed by it. She spent the weekend driving around Los Angeles with one hand covering her mouth.

Here's the video:

It makes me feel sorry for her, again. Just when I thought that I'd hardened myself to the trainwreck, her sad little effort to shield her swollen lips from the paparazzi swarming her car before relenting in order to announce that her babies will be dressed as pumpkins for Halloween just made me sad.

This Makes Me Want To Smack Elisabeth Hasselbeck Upside The Head (Figuratively, But Still)

HerBadMother — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 22:32:00 GMT

I don't have anything personal against Elisabeth Hasselbeck, I really don't. I'm not sure what it is, exactly, that she has to offer the world, but I also wondered that about Star Jones, so whatever. So I generally don't pay much attention to the crap that she spews. It's not crap on a level with the fecal spewage that escapes the likes of Ann Coulter, so it's pretty easy to ignore.

But then she had to go and start spouting nonsense - apropos of nothing at all - about the reasons that women get abortions, and as much as I tried to plug my ears and chant LA LA LA LA LA LA to block the grating din of her asshat opinion, I just couldn't STOP. THE. NOISE.

According to Elisabeth Hasselbeck, it should be difficult for women to get abortions. Women, she says, get abortions for superficial reasons. If abortions were harder to come by, then women wouldn't just, you know, kill babies for no good reason.

As Whoopi Goldberg so astutely pointed out in response to Hasselbeck's nonsense, unless girlfriend has been in a position where she's had to contemplate such a decision - because of poverty, because of social sanction, because of sexual assualt, because of lack of support, because of fear, because of any one of the innumerable, painful reasons that pushes women and girls to make such a terrible decision - she can just shut her mouth. It is the very, very rare woman who makes that decision lightly, and it is the very, very rare woman who leaves that decision lightly: most women go into it gripped with sadness, and come out of it the same way, save for whatever measure of relief has been afforded them for being able to escape circumstances that they feared would be far worse. Nobody wants to get an abortion, Hasselcrack. It's not a weekend in Vegas. Oh, hey, I think I'll go get an abortion this weekend - I could use a coupla days of rest, and I didn't want this baby anyway!

It's one thing to be 'against' abortion (which is fine, but isn't everybody 'against' abortion in the sense that we all wish that it didn't have to happen? Nobody is FOR abortion; they're for the right of women to access it if they need it); it's quite another to suggest that women who get abortions are vapid, self-absorbed twits.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a vapid, self-absorbed twit. Whether she's an evil one, or a stupid one, I haven't quite figured out yet. I'll keep you posted.

This Just In: Britney Likes To Expose Herself

HerBadMother — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 15:32:00 GMT

... and she does it to make people uncomfortable. So says her erstwhile bodyguard and font of disturbing information, Tony Barretto. “It’s the strangest thing," he told News of the World recently, "she likes to expose herself. I think part of it is she likes to embarrass people and make them feel uneasy.”

“Before I even started working for her, I was warned about her stripping. I must have seen her naked dozens of times and each time I’ve been extremely embarrassed.”

“She strips off anywhere - at home, recording studios and clubs. Even at the dance rehearsals, she took all her clothes off in front of me and then bent over, not even to pick anything up. I felt my ears burning and turned my head to the wall."

Now you know. The next time you see a picture of Britney sans pants and find yourself feeling disturbed, you can be reassured by the fact that she wants you to feel that way. She did it for you. It might not help with the nausea, but it's something.

More Signs Of The Coming Apocalypse: Tori Spelling To Join The Pussycat Dolls

HerBadMother — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 14:03:00 GMT

Tori Spelling has signed up to be a guest Pussycat Doll at the end of this month. 24sizzler.com is reporting that she'll host the burlesque show at the Pussycat Dolls Lounge inside Pure nightclub in Las Vegas.

This is just so disturbing that I can't even make fun of it. Tori Spelling Gone Burlesque? I'd rather someone lock me in a room and strap me in a chair and force me to watch Britney's VMA performance backwards, over and over and over and over again, while running the Wonderpets theme song at high speed and high volume than even imagine Tori Spelling doing burlesque.

Ew. Just, ew.

Paris Hilton Is A Stupid Tart - But She Loves Helping The Children!

HerBadMother — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 20:03:00 GMT

Paris Hilton is always thinking of the children. "I have, like, a million clothes and more than 500 pairs of shoes, so I'm going to give a bunch of them to orphanages and children's hospitals," she said the other day. "I never wear something twice."

This is why she's going to make such a great mother. She knows what children really need: not love and support and attention, but skanky old clothes that have pawed over and under by innumerable Greek shipping heirs and wannabe fly boys. Those orphans and cancer babies want nothing more than to prance around and play Oscar De La Hoya Goes To Kitsons. It will be bring light into their sad little lives! Joy! Hope!

At least those clothes will probably fit toddlers better than they do Paris. And every hip tot needs a strapless black romper. You know, for all that romping they do over at the orphanage, and in the leukaemia ward.

Tori Spelling Puts The 'Moron' In 'Oxymoron'

HerBadMother — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 17:31:00 GMT

Tori Spelling, fresh from the (un)success of her show Inn Love, has launched a small business selling "healthy gourmet fries."

Uh-huh. Somebody needs to tell Tori Spelling that "healthy fries" is - like "natural silicone" and "morally upstanding homewrecker" - an oxymoron. If something is fried, it is, by definition, unhealthy.

Just ask Britney.

Dean McDermott, STILL Not Father Of The Year

HerBadMother — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 18:34:00 GMT

Surfing is a notch or two above father-son two-legged races, but it's still not going to garner Dean McDermott any Father-Of-The-Year awards. How do you explain to your son that although you loved and cherished his mother lo the many years of his adolescent life, you didn't love her - or him, or his new little sister - enough to keep your grubby paws off of the first piece of tinsel-dusted Hollywood ass that shook itself in your direction?

That's what I thought. I'm guessing that's why his little boy's crying, right there, in that photo, in the middle of the pounding surf. Sunshine and beachballs don't make the pain go away, Dean. Try cash, instead.

(Photo credit: INO)