FameCrawler : celebrities are not like us

Madonna Takes A Page From Sarah Palin's Turkey Slaughter Notebook

HerBadMother — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 00:31:00 GMT

Oh, no, Madonna. You didn't.

What did Oscar the Grouch ever do to you?

Watch Out For Your Soul, Britney: Madonna's HUNGRY

HerBadMother — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:27:00 GMT

Okay, so: Britney and Madonna took the stage together the other night, which, you know, is cool and all, but damn. What happened to these two women?

Britney, for once, looks young and healthy and pretty (even if her outfit is more Las Vegas Caterer In Hammer Pants than Hit Me Baby One More Time). This is the girl who shaved her head and ran off to Mexico with a greasy paparazzo? She cleans up good. Madonna, on the other hand, is frightening. Soul-chillingly frightening. As they said over at Dlisted: Vadge is quickly transforming into an Asian crypt keeper who has ventured out to steal the souls of our children and eat their fingernails. Also, that hat.

Britney better keep her babies far, far away from Madonna, because - soul-sucking or not - that woman is, for serious, the stuff of nightmares. This picture looks for all the world like a still from some evangelical-funded horror film in which some innocent choir-girl is tricked into laying her soul on the line in a wager with the Devil, live, onstage, in Rock and Roll Hell. That kind of thing terrifies children. It sure as hell terrifies me, and I'm a grown-up atheist.

I'll probably go to my own special hell for saying this, but could we please have The English Roses Madonna back? She was disturbing, but at least she didn't make me fear for my soul.

Here's some video. Watch it if you dare:

Source

Madonna Scares Me

HerBadMother — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:03:00 GMT

You know, there's this Madonna:

And then there's THIS Madonna:

I don't think that I could tolerate a playdate with either of them. The first, because she looks like she maybe - just maybe - writes those books with the blood of young virgins, and the second... well, the second because if I ever doubted that she wrote her childrens' books with the blood of young virgins, the image of Madonna in that second picture just eliminates that doubt.

Also, the crotch.

*shudder*

Madonna Compares Tom Cruise To Malawi Orphans

HerBadMother — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:09:00 GMT

And, no, it wasn't because of his height, which would probably be the only obvious point of comparison, but whatever. Madonna thinks that Tom is like the orphans because he, like the Malawi orphans, gets a quote-unquote raw deal.

She told New York magazine: "I think he gets a raw deal, just as I think the orphans in Malawi get a raw deal."

Riiiight. You know, because he has to deal with all that criticism about being a multi-gazillionaire Scientologist and all. Which is exactly like being an orphan in a famine-ravaged country.

It would be funny if it weren't so stupid and offensive.

Source

Madonna And Guy Try To Quell Divorce Rumors

HerBadMother — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 21:04:00 GMT

Madonna and were husband Guy Ritchie finally seen in public together, doing something couply (in this case, going to a cafe, which, I don't know about you, my husband and I do ALL THE TIME. Leave the kid, get dressed up, go have coffee. Because why go have dinner and/or get liquored up when you can sit in a cafe together sipping coffee together the same way you do every morning? FUN.)

I don't really care whether or not they're on the outs. Frankly, I can barely even remember Guy's name (helps, in this case, that he is named Guy, because you can just refer to that guy and not get it wrong), let alone that she's married to him, so whatever. I wouldn't blame him, though, if he left her. She's kinda scary. The skull-and-crossbone cuff that she's wearing doesn't help matters. Nor does the Cruella de Vil dead-animal boa. But maybe he gets off on that. Who knows?

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Madonna's Got A Twin...

HerBadMother — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:33:00 GMT

...named Gwyn.

Seriously, when I first looked at this picture, I couldn't tell them apart. Apparently they're now frequenting the same gym, having dinner together... you know, mom-dating. Which wouldn't be creepy at all, if it weren't for the fact that it looks like they're morphing into each other. And, also, were it not for the fact that Madonna just terrifies me, for no particular reason, other than that she looks like she could and would kick my ass. If that's what gym-going does for you, then it's so not for me.

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Madonna: Saving the World With S&M And Print Magazines

HerBadMother — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:46:00 GMT

What's with Madonna and all these creepy black outfits that she's wearing on the covers of the 'Green Issue!' editions of what seems to be every freaking magazine on the newstand these days? I mean, is she in mourning for the Earth? Is she supposed to be Mother Earth, The Creepy Old Widow? Or some scary faux-Brit nanny who you just know whips the kids before she puts them to bed (in which case, what does that have to do with being green)? ALL OF THE ABOVE?

I'm, like, totally missing the symbolism here again, aren't I?

(And, um? Photoshopped much? No-one's waist is narrower than their head.)

Source

Madonna: Put Some Clothes On While You Save The World. PLEASE?

What Does Madonna Sleep With Under Her Pillow?

Madonna: Put Some Clothes On While You Save The World. PLEASE?

HerBadMother — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:26:00 GMT

Seriously. Why does she keep putting on those fugly skimpy leotards and trying to be Rihanna? I mean, come on. She's, like, almost fifty or something, isn't she? Which makes her a bit more like a Earth Grandmother than Earth Mother, so why not put on a robe or something?

Not that she's really pulling of the whole Earth-protectress thing anyway. Not in an S&M-inspired leotard and stripper boots. It looks like she's going to dry-hump that stone image of the Earth any second. Isn't that the supposed to be the 'Green' issue of VF? Why, then, does it look like Madonna's getting ready to rape the Earth? Or is that, like, what they call symbolism?

Hey! Madonna Stole Justin's Clothes!

HerBadMother — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:30:00 GMT

That, or she's going for that much-admired Cat In The Hat look, perhaps in preparation for one of those evil Dr Seuss abortion protests.

I prefer to think, though, that she's impersonating Justin Timberlake. Which, you know, is probably the more disturbing of those two scenarios, if only because she could never get even close to that level of hotness. Not since Papa Don't Preach, anyway. She was rocking the androgynous hot back then, but, you know, Justin wasn't even born yet, was he? ANYHOO.

This just isn't a good look for her, no matter how you slice it.

Source

4 Minutes To Save The World: Madonna & JT's Cover Revealed!

Madonna's New Song '4 Minutes To Save The World' Has Leaked!

Guess The Naked Preggo! (Semi-Naked Edition)

HerBadMother — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 23:41:00 GMT

Okay, so she's not so much naked as she is scantily-clad in a see-through dress, but whatevs: she's about as close to naked as you're going to to see in a candid shot, so it counts.

Yep, that would be Xtina, rocking the x-rated maternity wear. You gotta give her credit for the nerve.

Source

Totally Biased Judgment Based On Totally Unfounded Tabloid Reports: Christina Aguilera Is A Douche

HerBadMother — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 17:04:00 GMT

Seriously. What kind of ungrateful bitch tosses baby toys that her husband's parents have given as gifts for her unborn child?

Star Magazine is reporting that when husband Jordan Bratman presented the diva with some toys that his parents had purchased at Babies'R'Us, she decided that she didn't like them and simply threw them away:

“Jordan came home with some toys for the baby that his family had bought at Babies R Us, but she didn’t like them - so she threw them out!" says a "friend." "She only wants gifts from the exclusive places she’s registered at, like Bellini, Petit Tresor and Bel Bambini in Beverly Hills!”

Okay, so the source is doubtful. And it's possible - as CeleBitchy points out in its update to their original report on this story - that Ms. Aguilera was simply concerned about toxic toys that were made in China or some other child-labor outpost with lax environmental and health regulations.

Puh-leeeeeease.

It's possible, of course, but I very much doubt it. Why? No reason, except that it seems to me much more likely that a known diva (who has also, reportedly, refused to attend any baby shower thrown in her honour that is not held at the Beverly Hills Hotel) would have a hissy fit about gifts not issuing from Rodeo Drive's finer boutiques than she would consult recall lists and fret over the origin of the otherwise darling Fisher Price Super Deluxe Craptastic Bouncer Delite.* And in any case, there's probably more lead in one swipe of her lipstick than in anything her husband's parents could purchase, and the buckets of bleach that she keeps pouring on her head throughout her pregnancy don't exactly scream "I worry about toxins."

I get the whole thing about disliking ~~much~~ some of the crap that gets handed to you when you're an expectant parent. But you don't toss it: you stick in your basement until the day comes when you realize that omigod you will not survive if you cannot stick that wailing baby in a exersaucer/electronic-swing/lights-and-vibrations-bouncy-chair. Because that day does come, I promise you. And if it doesn't? You give it all to charity. Somebody wants that shit. And, somebody thought well enough of you and your kid to give you that shit, so for god's sake be grateful.

*(That said, we should ALL worry about the origins of that Fisher Price thingamabob, and everything else that wasn't hand-made with organic materials by the granny down the street. Do your research and check recall lists and seek out toys made without toxins - you'll find excellent resources HERE. Pass it on.)

Madonna's Kid Pulls Down The Pants In The Family

HerBadMother — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 22:33:00 GMT

So this is what bodyguards are really for - they're toy-goons-for-hire! Better than miniature soldiers or Transformers or Tickle-Me Elmo: get your own Tickle-Me-Bodyguard! With removable pants! Makes My Bodyguard look like a gross waste of good bodyguard play-power.

I wonder if Madonna has to pay him more for getting pantsed by her kid, or if that's just considered standard non-hazard duty?

And, where can I get one?