FameCrawler : celebretards

Puppy-Killer Revealed?

HerBadMother — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 14:02:00 GMT

Good news for the two or three people out there who are still Britney fans: the beleagured pop princess is not Ted Casablanca's 'blind' puppy killer. It's pretty clear now that that honor goes to Paris Hilton - who is now under investigation by the LA Department of Animal Services.

Between the report from the other week about Paris abandoning cats, and her admission last week on Ellen Degeneres' show that she has seventeen dogs and hasn't spayed or neutered them, it's become pretty obvious that Paris is a negligent pet-owner. And if she can't remember to spay or neuter them - or even pick them up from the vet - then it's not a big stretch to figure out that she's probably Slurpa Pop-off, the celebutard who Ted Casablanca says is leaving her little dogs in closets to die.

I'll say it again: this girl should never, ever have children left in her care.

Source

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The Mysterious Case Of Paris's Pussy And The Rogue Puppy-Killer

Which Irresponsible Young Celebrity Is A Dog-Killer?

The Mysterious Case Of Paris's Pussy And The Rogue Puppy-Killer

HerBadMother — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 22:39:00 GMT

Speculation had been that Slurpa Pop-Off - the irresponsible young celeb who Ted Casablanca claimed was killing her dogs - was none other than perennially put-upon mom Britney Spears, which was alarming, to say the least, given her access to young children.

But it's starting to look like Britney - concerns over her ability to care for small creatures notwithstanding - is not the Tinseltown Pet Killer.

That honor seems to be reserved for Paris Hilton, who, apparently, cannot remember when or if she takes her pets to the vet. Which is not the same as forgetting that one has locked one's puppies in a closet and leaving them there to die, but it's close.

According to TMZ, Paris adopted a kitty -- which she named Prada -- last May, about a week before she headed to Lynwood Jail. After Paris was released, we're told she knew she had to have Prada neutered, but didn't get around to it until a few weeks ago, on January 30:

But here's the problem -- nobody came back for Prada! About a week later, Kris Kelly (the woman from whom Paris adopted the kitty) called Paris to find out what happened, but she still hasn't heard back as to what to do with Paris' pussy.

It's been a few weeks now, so Ms. Kelly is keeping Prada, claiming that Paris abandoned her.

I don't know whether this is evidence that Paris is our rogue puppy-killer as well, but I do know this: that girl should never be allowed care of small children.

Source

Which Irresponsible Young Celebrity Is A Dog-Killer?

HerBadMother — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 18:23:00 GMT

For a gossip writer - or even just a super-keen gossip follower - blind items (so-called because the story keeps the reader 'blind' about the identity of the main characters) are like catnip. They are irresistible, they suck us in, and they get us all worked up, but usually with no pay-off. We almost never get confirmation of the real story behind a blind item: case in point is Ted Casablanca's infamous 'Toothy Tile,' the young male celebrity who won't come out of the closet, usually rumored to be Jake Gyllenhaal (sometimes Matthew McConaughey, tho' since he knocked a chick up that now seems doubtful), but forever unconfirmed. It's frustrating, because speculation about these stories is soooo much fun - but ultimately so unsatisfying because, well, we'll just never know if they're true.

HOWEVER. Casablanca's most recent blind item - a pretty gruesome story about a celebutard with a penchant for small dogs and a rumored inability to not, um, kill them - has the smell of a story that will (and should) soon go unblind, and so I must - I really must - cover it.

From Ted Casablanca:

Ellen DeGeneres’ canine catastrophe is chopped liver compared to today’s Blind job. First off, our source is one of the myriad personal employees reporting to one Slurpa Pop-Off, the bitch who serviced that dude in the bathroom of that Sunset Strip eatery, if you remember, and we’re sure you do.

Now, many times our lady of the Slurpa has brought a brand-new pooch home as a new pet, which she fawns all over until it dawns on the dummy she’s now in charge of a living, breathing animal—and not a stuffed Pound Puppy. And, gosh, responsibility is not our go-to girl’s strong suit. Therefore, upon leaving her house, she often locks these pups in one of her many closets, supposedly to prevent them from making messies all over her expensive pad.

But, uh, sometimes SPO would be gone for hours...days...weeks...and not tell anybody about the dog in its wardrobe dungeon. The animal’s existence would simply slip from her mind! Oh, doesn’t that happen to everybody? While cleaning the house, Pop-Off’s staff have—reportedly more than once—opened a closet to discover a tiny, dead dog.

Beyond hideous. I swear, I may have to out this bitch. But Pop-Off’s employees just may have beaten moi to the punch, as animal services have been alerted.

Commenters on the post are divided between Slurpa Pop-Off being Britney Spears (citing Casablanca's claim that "responsibility is not (her) strong suit") and Paris Hilton (because, you know, she's Paris Hilton. And, also, Casablanca's trademark 'And It Ain'ts' clues seem to point more closely to Paris than Britney.)

If it's Britney, then, holy hell, it's way for the best that she doesn't have charge of her kids anymore. But I doubt that it is Britney. Sounds more like Paris. And if it is, wow: someone needs to make sure that she's on some seriously strong birth-control, because she should not have children left in her care. Or dogs. Or gerbils. Or ANYTHING with more life in it than a Bratz doll.

I'm just WAITING for this story to go unblind. (Please, Ted? Out her?)

Source

K-Fed Requests Emergency Hearing As Britney Flames Out

HerBadMother — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 00:38:00 GMT

Because, you know, that ex-wife of his has been violating traffic laws again while driving with the babies in the car. That, and she seems to have been taking amphetamines. Whoops.

Britney was recently caught on camera speeding through a red light with the kids and the court-appointed parenting monitor in the vehicle. And, if reports are to be believed, she's tested positive for amphetamines. Neither of which goes any ways towards restoring anyone's confidence in her parenting abilities, or her sanity.

I used to really hold Mr. Federline in high disdain. I mean, c'mon: he's got sleaze-bucket written all over him. But he's looking like a contender for Parent Of The Year in comparison to Britney, and this most recent call for yet another custody hearing seems just like, if anything, restrained good sense. If it were me, and it were my ex all doped-up on speed and racing through red lights with my babies in the car, I'd probably have snatched the kids and skipped town by now. K-Fed a paragon of parental responsibility and sound judgment? The Apocalypse must be upon us.

(Source: People.com; Photo: Owen Beiny / WENN; Ethan Miller / Getty)

And You Thought YOUR Parents Were Embarassing: Joey Buttafuoco and Amy Fisher Caught In Sex Tape Scandals

HerBadMother — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 00:51:00 GMT

Amy Fisher, the "Long Island Lolita" turned soccer mom, is suing everybody she can find over the release of a sex tape that she says was made privately. Which, you know, is the right thing to do, really. Can't let those sex tapes just hit the Internet and the porn shop shelves without a fight. That would be wrong.

Wrong, that is, unless you're Joey Buttafuoco.

Word has it that Amy's ex-lover, Joey Buttafuoco - the man whose wife Amy shot when she was seventeen - also has a sex tape. And Joey is saying, apparently, that he won't kick up a fuss at all if his sex tape is somehow, erm, slipped into the hands of some unscrupulous porn distributor.

This is, I think, the most disturbing news that I've heard all day, with the possible exception of the story that Paris Hilton is being used to test pain tolerance in mice. A Joey Buttafuoco sex tape? Grrrrooooossss. Just because Ron Jeremy succeeded in porn doesn't mean that the world wants to see the other ugliest man alive getting his freak on. Also, the dude's got a family. Doesn't he realize that if his kids weren't already scarred for life from the Long Island Lolita scandal, this will gut and eviscerate them and leave them open to the worms of public humiliation. Dad's a total gross-out sleazebucket who screws young girls and shows his dick all over the Internet. That's gonna get in the way of bright, healthy futures for those kids, for sure.

On a brighter note, Amy Fisher has decided to forgive her husband for releasing the tape, which he did when Amy briefly left him this past spring for (wait for it) Joey Buttafuoco. Now that's family values, people.

(You can see stills from the video HERE. It'd be wrong, really, to look, but I'm not going to tell you what to do.)

Source: TMZ, Perez Hilton, New York Post