"Mmmm," Ryan Reynolds is saying, "Look at those boobs. They're mine, all mine!"

Yes, it's true, ladies. Over the weekend Ryan Reynolds, 31, and Scarlett Johansson, 23, got married in a resort outside Vancouver. A wilderness resort. Guests included ScarJo's mother and brother. The couple got engaged in May after dating for a year or so.

This leads to the obvious question: is ScarJo preggers? That's what some are saying. That'd definitely make Ryan a DILF, and give Scarlett some monster tatas. If she's not pregnant, why the sudden rush to get married in the Canadian wilderness? And why Ryan Reynolds? Is Obama spurning her advances? And was Alanis Morissette a guest, too?

Millions of women worldwide have groaned over Reynolds being taken off the market, but honestly, I can't see this shotgun wedding lasting for long. They'll have the baby, realize that they really have nothing in common (aside from the baby), and get divorced in a heartbeat. I give it 7 months, tops. No worries, gals.

I admit to having a bit of a man crush on Ryan myself. He's going to be in next year's X-Men: Wolverine, too!

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