Baby Squared : toilet training twins

Fear of Poop

Roper — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:12:00 GMT

After my recent post in which I goofily tried to set a new world record for the number of times the word "poop" ever appeared in a parenting blog, I feel rather ridiculous for giving bowel movements top billing in yet another installment of the ongoing parenting saga that is Baby Squared. But I must. Because we need your help!!

First, let me once again apologize to future Elsa for making this public. If technology allows, and the apocolypse of 2012 spares us, I swear I will remove this post from the Internets long before you're in fifth grade, when children turn cruel and evil. (Or did in my experience, anyway. Maybe it's earlier these days.)

So here's the deal: the girl is terrified to go #2. Clio has mastered the practice quite nicely, but Elsa wants no part of it. She's also regular as clockwork, which means that every evening, right around bedtime, the same drama plays out: every couple of minutes she runs desperately to the potty, on the brink of tears, saying she needs to go pee-pee (the girl's in denial; we know it ain't just pee pee she needs to do) and will barely even sit down before she's up saying "I didn't make any." Repeat ad infinitum until finally she can't hold it anymore, and ends up going in her pants, and gets very upset about it, even though we tell her it's OK. (Whereas, a minute earlier we were telling her we wanted to her to do it in the potty.)

Usually, at least, she goes in her "nightime underpants" -- our euphemism for Pull-ups, which we put the girls in at night. Sometimes she goes after she's already in bed. But she never, ever goes in the potty -- either the potty chair or the big toilet, with the potty seat on it.

We've started giving her a bit of Miralax to make sure she doesn't get constipated, and to ensure that she can't hold it in indefinitely, which she would certainly do if she could, thus perpetuating the cycle of unpleasant potty experiences. So, I guess it's better that she's going in her pants than not at all, as I know happens with some kids. Still. How do we help her get over this fear?

Here's what we've tried so far:

Telling her she's such a big girl, and she's so good at going pee pee in the potty, and big girls poop in the potty, too
Telling her that mommy and daddy and everybody else in the world poops in the potty (except for babies and the incontinent)
Telling her that it's OK to be scared; we get scared of things too, but they're less scary once you try
Telling her that we'll flush the poop away and she won't even have to see it
Telling her that we'll stay right there with her and hold her hand
Telling her we know she can do it! She's brave! She's smart! She's awesome!
Telling her she can have a magnet on her chart and/or a special treat if she goes
Letting her flush down the poop she's made in her pullup, to feel empowered...or something
Offering to read books to her on the potty
Letting her hold her stuffed animals and have her gaga (pacifier) while she's on the potty
Having her "potty wizard" cast a spell on the potty to make it not be scary anymore (Potty wizard background here.)
Holding her down on the potty (probably not the best idea)
Closing the bathroom door and saying we're going to stay in here until she goes (also not parenting at its best)
Getting Clio to come into the bathroom with her for moral support (Not sure either of them really gets this)
Letting her sit on the potty in her pull-up and go that way, as a first step

And I'm sure there are other things I can't remember. One thing I'd like to do is get a (children's) book on the subject, to try to get her more comfortable with the idea. I know there's Everyone Poops, and another I found online that looks good, called Where's the Poop.

Any other recommendations? On books, or in general? Do we just have to wait this thing out? I mean, I know she won't be in college or at her wedding, holding it in all day because she's too scared to go. But I do worry that it may take a while for her to get beyond this....

The frog in my throat, and other calamities

Roper — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 01:18:00 GMT

I've had a cold this week, no doubt partly as a result of the exhaustion and sleeplessness of our potty training intensive last weekend. The other day, my voice sounding particularly scratchy and ridiculous, I told the girls that I had a frog in my throat. Of course, I quickly realized that this would sound absurd to them, and explained that I didn't actually have a frog in my throat; it was just an expression. (Like that would really clear things up.) "Sort of like a joke," I clarified. They chewed on this for a little while (not literally), and somehow it became, "You have a frog in your mouth so that's why you make a funny joke!"

I rather like this interpretation -- that there's some kind of comedian amphibian in my mouth, and every time I open my mouth to speak, he comes out with a joke -- "What is the deal with toads? I mean, they look like frogs, but the fuckers can't swim!" -- in his hoarse (not horse) froggy voice.

There have been some other prime examples of two-year-old literalism lately. We've had some difficulty with getting Elsa to go #2 in the potty -- a very common toilet training issue, it seems -- and at one point we had the following exchange when she'd been holding it in so long that she appeared to be in some pain:

Me: You know, I think your tummy would feel a lot better if you got the poop out.

Elsa: Is there a poop in my tummy with my food?

Me: Well, sort of. The food you eat goes in your tummy, and some of it turns into poop, and then you need to get it out.

Elsa: (Delighted) There's a poop in my tummy with my food!

Me: (Abandoning any attempt at scientific accuracy) Yeah, and it's saying "Let me out! Let me out!"

Elsa: (Very serious) No, poop doesn't have a mouth.

It's true. As far as I know, poop doesn't have a mouth -- at least not one that's visible to the human eye. Poop, therefore, cannot have a frog in its mouth. This is rather comforting if you think about it. Then again, it makes going to the bathroom much less entertaining. Sorry. I'll stop talking about poop now. And frogs.

Of course, all is not completely literal in the Baby Squared household. There are times when the girls reach amazing heights of imagination bordering on surrealism. The other day, Clio was holding her phone (a non-working cell phone) up to her ear, "talking" to her grandma Jaycee. She asked me to hand her other toy phone, which I did, held it up to her other ear, and announced, "Now I look like a strawberry!" After I stopped laughing, I affirmed that, yes, that was exactly what she looked like. A very, very cute strawberry. (With a very cute sister)

Photo by Mara Brod

A Potty Training Saga

Roper — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 17:45:00 GMT

Well, we did it. We survived our hardcore 3-day potty training weekend. And we've got two little big girls in underpants to prove it. It was such an intense and dramatic event, I feel like I should be writing about it in epic poetry form. Or rhyming couplets or something. But I am a writer of prose, not poetry. And I guess potty training isn't quite on par with the Pelopennesian war. Almost, but not quite.

The important thing is that, we -- like the Spartans -- triumphed. To anyone out there who feels like they're not getting anywhere with the gradual approach to toilet training, whose little ones seem perfectly content in diapers and who (like us) haven't been particularly proactive or consistent about making the move to a diaper-free existence, I'd highly recommend this cold turkey training approach.

There are lots of books and websites -- not to mention recent commenters on this blog -- who sell books and eBooks on the subject. We followed the guidelines in one lent to us by a friend. But you don't necessarily have to drop $49.99 on some kind of Guaranteed As Seen on TV Top Secret Potty Training Method with FREE bonus DVD and -- if you order now -- Handheld Diaper Shredder, to do this. It's pretty simple.

Plan to stay home for a few days, and get some help if you can. Put your kid(s) in underpants and explain that they need to keep them dry, and repeatedly remind them to tell Mom/Dad when they need to go pee or poop. Give them lots of liquids so they have ample opportunity to practice. Offer effusive praise and rewards for successful potty usage. And prepare for lots of accidents.

The first day, for us, really was a pee-fest. Lots of puddles on the floor. Luckily, we'd put a waterproof sheet on the couch and rolled back the rug in the living room. (If you have wall-to-wall carpeting...um...good luck! Maybe plan to spend a lot of time in the kitchen / outside if possible?) We did a lot of mopping and panicked grabbing of paper towels. I stepped in pee at least once.

Clio, however, pretty quickly started recognizing when she had to go, and started making it to the potty on time. Alas, then she started saying she needed to go approximately every two to five minutes. "I'm makin' pee-pee!" has become her signature catch-phrase. Better than, say, "Git 'er done!" or "Whaaasssssssup!" but annoying in its own right. She will literally go back and forth to the potty ten times within a half an hour. And sometimes, she'll just say "I'm makin' pee pee!" (Or its goofy variation "I'm makin' pay pay!) for fun, in a silly voice.

The problem, we think, is multifaceted: She doesn't empty her bladder fully when she goes, so she actually does pee some (but not all) of the times she sits on the potty. She also sees the potty ritual as a way to get attention from mom or dad (but mostly mom, at her insistence), and to earn praise -- and possibly a sticker or packet of fruit snacks. You gotta admire the girl's business sense: hmm, either I can go pee all at once and get one sticker and one big kiss from mom, or I can pee over the course of three potty visits and get three! Suckers!! When I'm feeling more generous and patient, I tell myself that she hasn't mastered her body's signals yet, and isn't quite sure when she really does have to go. I also think she's got higher-than-average obsessive compulsive tendencies, even for a two-year-old.

Elsa has the opposite problem (of course). By the third day, she stopped having accidents every time she needed to pee. But she still really resists going to the potty. She crosses her legs and grabs her crotch and dances around. She insists she doesn't have to go even when we -- oh so gently -- suggest that she do so, or try to bring her into the bathroom. I think it's partly because she doesn't want to stop whatever she's doing. But partly that she is a little freaked out by the whole concept. When we've asked her why she doesn't want to use the potty, she's said that it is "scary" or "yucky."

In a stroke of genius (if I do say so myself) I dug out an old souvenir from Russia -- a little wooden bearded guy with a pipe -- and dubbed it a "Potty Wizard" whose power was to make going to the potty not scary. Elsa was very excited about this, and it actually helped for a little while. She is still fond of her potty wizard. However, his power seems to have worn off. And as of this writing, Elsa has still not actually pooped in the potty. That is, not without some of it landing in her underwear first.

As for overnight -- the method we used recommends doing nighttime and daytime training all at once. Which sounds like suicide, especially when twins are involved. But the logic of it is reasonable enough -- be consistent. So, for the first three nights, we tried doing underwear at night. We put the potties in the bedroom. We even -- and this was arguably too much change at once -- moved the girls into toddler beds, so they could get in and out of bed more easily, and we could more easily change the sheets if needed. We told them to call us when they needed to go. We woke them up early in the morning to go.

Interestingly, Elsa seemed to do OK with the overnight thing. It was every-two-minutes-to-the-potty Clio that presented a problem. Especially in the middle of the night, when she would wake up wet, then literally not let us leave the room after we came in to change her. One more kiss, one more backrub, and then -- as soon as we left -- "I'm makin' pee pee!" It became not so much about going pee-pee, but a control thing -- right in line with some of the other recent bedtime struggles we've been having. After we'd been in and out of the bedroom multiple times, we tried letting her "cry it out." But it is not possible to win a battle of this sort when Clio is involved. Seriously. We ended up being awake in the middle of the night, multiple times, sometimes for over an hour at a time, until she finally calmed down. And she'd still wake up in the morning soaking wet. (Partly as a result of this lack of sleep, I am now sick with a bad cold, hence my free time to compose epic poetry on this subject.)

So, last night, we said screw it. We're doing Pullups at night. We hoped Clio wouldn't wake up wet, and our troubles would be solved. And -- here's the part where I start laughing like a lunatic because it's more fun than crying -- she did the exact same thing. She woke up in the middle of the night saying -- everybody, now! -- "I'm makin' pee-pee!" so I went in and helped her go to the potty, sent her back to bed with a kiss, and as I was leaving the room: "I'm making pee pee!" No sooner was I back to bed, when she started yelling again. After a few more rounds of this, we decided to just let her yell it out -- as we'd tried unsuccessfully on the previous nights. But this time we meant it. We put in earplugs and everything. (Alastair got some sleep, but I couldn't bring myself to wear two earplugs, just one, so I still heard her.) My friends, she screamed for OVER AN HOUR. Taking occasional breaks for a few minutes at a time, but never letting up. Finally, Alastair went in and rubbed her back one last time, and it seemed to work. But seriously -- how are we supposed to deal with this??

I guess it makes sense that she's trying to hold onto some measure of control in this new situation, testing limits, feeling especially clingy and needy. Elsa has acted out in her own way, being "wilder" and punchier than usual, even lashing out physically. It's disturbing. I hope all this will pass as they get used to and better at living sans diapers.

What I really didn't expect leading up to this milestone (or milestone in progress, I guess) was how emotional I would feel about it. The girls have not outwardly protested wearing underwear, or asked for diapers or anything like that. They love and are very excited about their new "big girl beds." But I've actually found it quite disorienting and difficult. Last Thursday, I was changing the girls' diapers and putting them into cribs at night. Even though I didn't think of them as babies anymore, there were still these rituals and fixtures that have been with us for almost three years. Now, I've got two little girls in underwear and toddler beds. And while it's all good -- who needs the financial drain of diapers, or the physical toil of hoisting 35 pound toddlers in and out of cribs? -- I've found myself feeling rather weepy and nostalgic. This is, I'm sure, exacerbated by the sheer exhaustion of the whole undertaking.

And so, I emerge from operation Potty Training, back to a diaperless version of our everyday routine, victorious, but decidedly weary.

Potty Training: Is it time to get serious?

Roper — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:34:00 GMT

Whenever someone asks if we've started potty training the girls, I'm not quite sure what to say. In a way, yes, I guess we have. We try to get them to sit on the potty before bedtime and naptime, which they're usually amenable to, as long as they've got a couple of books to read. Every once in a while, they actually produce something, and they seem proud of themselves. But they seem just as happy to go in the diapers. Elsa does ask to sit on the potty now and then, but more often than not, it's a stalling technique -- she doesn't want to go to sleep or go upstairs and get ready for bed. Still, i's hard to say "no, you don't need to sit on the potty right now." Because every once in a while, she actually does go. She's the girl who cried potty.

During the day, however, when they're happily engaged in playing, the girls have no interest in potty breaks. They like to announce when they're making (or about to make?) a pee-pee or poo-poo, but when I ask or suggest sitting on the potty, they resist. And I'm thinking it's probably not a good idea (not to mention physically impossible) to *force* them, screaming and crying, to sit on the pot.

But I feel like they're getting closer to more "advanced" toilet training. They're starting to learn how to push down and pull up their pants. And God knows, they're obsessed with talking about pee and poop. Elsa's twin baby doll, who she's never really had a name for (she's called her Elsa, Cora -- same as Clio's, and [insert nonsense syllables here]) has recently been christened "Peep." I'm pretty sure this is a reference to pee, as opposed to the Easter-time marshmallow treat. And get this -- Clio has now decided to change the name of her twin baby doll from Cora to "Poop." Yes, folks, that's right. Elsa and Clio have beautiful, silky-haired, American Girl bitty baby twin dolls named Peep and Poop. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

So my question now is, should we be attempting to implement more regular and frequent "potty time" for the girls at this point? Or just continue to let things take their natural course?

I have to admit, that part of why we've been so relaxed about the whole toilet training is sheer laziness. Toilet training with twins presents some definite logistical challenges. If you pop one kid on the potty (I guess I'm saying potty again) you still need to worry about what the other one is up to. And, of course, that other one will inevitably take this unsupervised opportunity to draw on the coffee table or climb up onto a chair and start pulling knives out of the silverware drawer or trip and bump her head on something and start yowling.

The other option is to put twin #2 on the potty at the same time, if she's willing. But inevitably, while you are helping one kid get out of their diaper, the other one will get up off the potty and start running bare-ass naked around the house. And by the time you get her and bring her back -- and hopefully, she hasn't peed on the floor in the meantime -- the other one is up, and waddling around with her pants around her ankles. Like so many things with twins, it's rather like herding cats. Loud, silly, whiny, un-housebroken, disaster-prone, bare-assed cats. (Well, I suppose all cats are bare-assed.)

I know some people suggest letting your kids run around without diapers for a while and just putting them on the potty the second the need for it becomes obvious, but again, I think this would be really tricky with twins. While you're rushing one to the potty, the other one might be soaking your couch. Not cool.

Can I just hire someone to do this for us? Is there, like, Potty Training 911 for twins? The Potty Whisperer? Anything?

Poopophobia

Roper — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 21:27:00 GMT

Sorry to post yet again about bodily functions -- I won't do it again for a while -- but with little'uns it's kind of hard to avoid. My apologies, also, to future Elsa. I have visions of her coming home from school on her compost-powered hoverboard, in tears, having just seen this post broadcasted on the web-browser blackboard in her homeroom by some mean, popular hacker-girl trying to sabotage Elsa's chances at winning class president. "Mom, you told the entire world about my elimination habits 15 years ago on one of those "plog" things? What's WRONG with you? Now no one will want to go to the prom with me!" (Because some things will never change...)

Of course, the long-term effects of this blog on my children and their prom date prospects are a whole other can of worms, which I will surely open and examine here sometime, but not today. Today, let's talk about #2. And how lately, Elsa seems quite upset by the whole business of doing her business.

I don't think this has anything to do with Bobby, incidentally; it started before I even really tried getting the girls to sit on the guy (which I still don't do with any real regularity -- ha. Regularity.) It actually began a few weeks ago, when she was constipated. Trying to go was obviously difficult and uncomfortable for her, and many times Jean or I would end up holding her or trying to comfort her while she strained and whimpered and her face turned red. It's really a heartbreaking experience to watch a constipated baby or toddler, as I'm sure many of you out there know. You want so much to help, but there's really nothing you can do. They don't find it particularly funny when you start chanting "Push it out! Shove it out! Waaayy out!" or get excited when you tell them this means they can have all the blueberries and dried apricots they want -- mommy won't say "no more" after a while like she usually does out of fear of the opposite problem.

So, poor little Elsa. Straining and crying and making all manner of weird faces over the course of a few days, until things improved, with help from some pureed prunes and adjustment of the milk / water intake ratio. Now, things are back to normal, er, consistency-wise. But she still gets upset every time she goes number two. Just before, she cries and says "poo poo! poo poo!" Frequently, she won't go, and this happens a few times before she finally does -- and afterward, she's usually instantly fine. I don't think it bothers her to have a dirty diaper. It's just the anticipation and the process itself.

(I'm Sorry, Elsa. This is so not helping your prom date prospects. But you know what? If some guy is so shallow and immature as to let your poopophobia at 19 months keep him from dating you, well, I think you can do better. Anyway, why is he scouring the web for posts about you from 16 years ago? Isn't that kind of stalker-ish and weird? I'm going to speak to the boy's parents. What's their iHologramphone number?)

I'm wondering if maybe she's still traumatized by the constipation experience, and now associates #2 with pain and suffering. Or is this something else? The anal retentive stage? I thought that came later. And was something little boys were more prone to... Anyway, we just continue to comfort Elsa when she's upset, encourage and praise her for going #2, and for the moment I'm not going to push the Bobby, which hasn't gone over well in these situations. Hopefully, soon, this too shall pass. Just like a ... oh never mind.

Prom is for losers anyway, right?

Introducing Bobby

Roper — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:40:00 GMT

I'd like to take this post to introduce the newest member of the Baby Squared household, Bobby. Who, you ask, is Bobby? Did we buy a hamster? Is it a long-lost cousin come to crash on our couch? Or have I been secretly pregnant for the past nine months and this is our new baby boy? No, no, no. Bobby is bright pink and made of molded plastic. There are two of him, actually -- one upstairs and one down. And Bobby isn't his actual name, it's just what Elsa calls him. It. OK, OK, enough with the personification ruse. I'm talking potties, people.

(You'll forgive me for not including any pictures in this post.)

At the girls' 18-month checkup last month, our pediatrician asked if the girls had started showing any interest in the potty. I replied that besides walking in on me while I was using it (the grown up version, that is...Robert?), and once or twice splashing in it when I forgot to put the lid down, not really. But at around 15 months, Clio had started letting us know when she wanted her diaper changed. First, she'd just point in the vicinity of her rear. More recently, she's started saying, "poo poo" too, as has Elsa, usually just before she's about to go. I told the doctor this, and she said that we ought to buy a potty and start explaining to the girls what it was, and see if we could get them to sit on it, maybe before bedtime.

So, I got a pair of potties at The Baby Superstore Which Must Not be Named and now we occasionally try to get the girls to sit on them, with or without diapers on, just to try to get the idea. I've gotten Elsa to sit a couple of times, but Clio hasn't been terribly willing. (Though she is very interested in taking the inner receptacles in and out.) They do both seem to understand, though, that their potties are for the same thing Mommy & Daddy use the big potty for -- "poo poo" and "pee bee," specifically. If they walk in on me in the bathroom now, I let them watch, and I explain what's going on. (Sorry, TMI, I know, but I suspect this is how they learn....) I've also gotten in the habit of saying "bye-bye [insert appropriate euphemism here]" when I flush the toilet. As a result, they seem to think that's a big part of Bobby culture. (At one point, while we were on vacation, I found Elsa in my aunt's bathroom, waving at the toilet, saying "bye bye!")

I think they're quite a long ways from actual toilet training -- they're only 19 months after all -- but it is cool that they're starting to make the connection between what happens in their diapers and what happens in Bobby. Today, when Elsa started saying "poo poo," I brought her into the bathroom and she sat on the potty on her own, diaper still on. She didn't actually go, but it felt like a step (seat?) in the right direction. And the other night we had an incredibly exciting occurrence: I was giving the girls a bath, and Clio started looking....concerned...and squatting weirdly. I said, "Do you need to go poo poo?" She nodded and said, "Poo poo!" and I whisked her out of the tub, onto the potty, and by George, the girl dropped her little bomb right on target! I clapped and praised her madly, then we flushed and said "bye bye." I was giddy for the rest of the night. (Clio wasn't nearly as excited.)

Now, here's the part where I ask your advice: what exactly is the correct protocol for cleaning these things -- the Bobby, I mean; not the babies -- after use? I know I dump the goods into Bobby Sr., and then do a quick wipe with toilet paper. But then what? Should I rinse the receptacle out in the sink? The tub? (If the girls aren't in it, obviously) The toilet? Should I designate a special Bobby sponge that I use to wipe them down with cleaning spray or something? I've always felt stymied and a little squeamish when it comes to cleaning things that have touched human waste. Like, I'm never quite sure how to rinse off a toilet brush or plunger after I use it, or where/how I should soak the girls' clothes if they get soiled.

I feel rather ridiculous asking, but if there is some standard Bobby-cleaning procedure you have that works, please do share. (Any other potty training tips are much appreciated, too!)