Baby Squared : potty training

Fear of Poop

Roper — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:12:00 GMT

After my recent post in which I goofily tried to set a new world record for the number of times the word "poop" ever appeared in a parenting blog, I feel rather ridiculous for giving bowel movements top billing in yet another installment of the ongoing parenting saga that is Baby Squared. But I must. Because we need your help!!

First, let me once again apologize to future Elsa for making this public. If technology allows, and the apocolypse of 2012 spares us, I swear I will remove this post from the Internets long before you're in fifth grade, when children turn cruel and evil. (Or did in my experience, anyway. Maybe it's earlier these days.)

So here's the deal: the girl is terrified to go #2. Clio has mastered the practice quite nicely, but Elsa wants no part of it. She's also regular as clockwork, which means that every evening, right around bedtime, the same drama plays out: every couple of minutes she runs desperately to the potty, on the brink of tears, saying she needs to go pee-pee (the girl's in denial; we know it ain't just pee pee she needs to do) and will barely even sit down before she's up saying "I didn't make any." Repeat ad infinitum until finally she can't hold it anymore, and ends up going in her pants, and gets very upset about it, even though we tell her it's OK. (Whereas, a minute earlier we were telling her we wanted to her to do it in the potty.)

Usually, at least, she goes in her "nightime underpants" -- our euphemism for Pull-ups, which we put the girls in at night. Sometimes she goes after she's already in bed. But she never, ever goes in the potty -- either the potty chair or the big toilet, with the potty seat on it.

We've started giving her a bit of Miralax to make sure she doesn't get constipated, and to ensure that she can't hold it in indefinitely, which she would certainly do if she could, thus perpetuating the cycle of unpleasant potty experiences. So, I guess it's better that she's going in her pants than not at all, as I know happens with some kids. Still. How do we help her get over this fear?

Here's what we've tried so far:

Telling her she's such a big girl, and she's so good at going pee pee in the potty, and big girls poop in the potty, too
Telling her that mommy and daddy and everybody else in the world poops in the potty (except for babies and the incontinent)
Telling her that it's OK to be scared; we get scared of things too, but they're less scary once you try
Telling her that we'll flush the poop away and she won't even have to see it
Telling her that we'll stay right there with her and hold her hand
Telling her we know she can do it! She's brave! She's smart! She's awesome!
Telling her she can have a magnet on her chart and/or a special treat if she goes
Letting her flush down the poop she's made in her pullup, to feel empowered...or something
Offering to read books to her on the potty
Letting her hold her stuffed animals and have her gaga (pacifier) while she's on the potty
Having her "potty wizard" cast a spell on the potty to make it not be scary anymore (Potty wizard background here.)
Holding her down on the potty (probably not the best idea)
Closing the bathroom door and saying we're going to stay in here until she goes (also not parenting at its best)
Getting Clio to come into the bathroom with her for moral support (Not sure either of them really gets this)
Letting her sit on the potty in her pull-up and go that way, as a first step

And I'm sure there are other things I can't remember. One thing I'd like to do is get a (children's) book on the subject, to try to get her more comfortable with the idea. I know there's Everyone Poops, and another I found online that looks good, called Where's the Poop.

Any other recommendations? On books, or in general? Do we just have to wait this thing out? I mean, I know she won't be in college or at her wedding, holding it in all day because she's too scared to go. But I do worry that it may take a while for her to get beyond this....

The frog in my throat, and other calamities

Roper — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 01:18:00 GMT

I've had a cold this week, no doubt partly as a result of the exhaustion and sleeplessness of our potty training intensive last weekend. The other day, my voice sounding particularly scratchy and ridiculous, I told the girls that I had a frog in my throat. Of course, I quickly realized that this would sound absurd to them, and explained that I didn't actually have a frog in my throat; it was just an expression. (Like that would really clear things up.) "Sort of like a joke," I clarified. They chewed on this for a little while (not literally), and somehow it became, "You have a frog in your mouth so that's why you make a funny joke!"

I rather like this interpretation -- that there's some kind of comedian amphibian in my mouth, and every time I open my mouth to speak, he comes out with a joke -- "What is the deal with toads? I mean, they look like frogs, but the fuckers can't swim!" -- in his hoarse (not horse) froggy voice.

There have been some other prime examples of two-year-old literalism lately. We've had some difficulty with getting Elsa to go #2 in the potty -- a very common toilet training issue, it seems -- and at one point we had the following exchange when she'd been holding it in so long that she appeared to be in some pain:

Me: You know, I think your tummy would feel a lot better if you got the poop out.

Elsa: Is there a poop in my tummy with my food?

Me: Well, sort of. The food you eat goes in your tummy, and some of it turns into poop, and then you need to get it out.

Elsa: (Delighted) There's a poop in my tummy with my food!

Me: (Abandoning any attempt at scientific accuracy) Yeah, and it's saying "Let me out! Let me out!"

Elsa: (Very serious) No, poop doesn't have a mouth.

It's true. As far as I know, poop doesn't have a mouth -- at least not one that's visible to the human eye. Poop, therefore, cannot have a frog in its mouth. This is rather comforting if you think about it. Then again, it makes going to the bathroom much less entertaining. Sorry. I'll stop talking about poop now. And frogs.

Of course, all is not completely literal in the Baby Squared household. There are times when the girls reach amazing heights of imagination bordering on surrealism. The other day, Clio was holding her phone (a non-working cell phone) up to her ear, "talking" to her grandma Jaycee. She asked me to hand her other toy phone, which I did, held it up to her other ear, and announced, "Now I look like a strawberry!" After I stopped laughing, I affirmed that, yes, that was exactly what she looked like. A very, very cute strawberry. (With a very cute sister)

Photo by Mara Brod

Potty Boot Camp: Dispatch

Roper — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 20:13:00 GMT

Potty boot camp began this morning at approximately 0900 hours. Elsa was (quote) very excited to be wearing underpants! (end quote). Clio, more reluctant. Sat half-naked on a pair of them for awhile before finally conceding to put on a pair. (Not the pair she'd been sitting on.)

Next maneuver: proceeded to pitch all remaining diapers into a trash bag (to be given to the first worthy size 5 toddler we can locate), pitch the changing pads and diaper pails onto the porch, and start pushing liquids. No action until approximately 1.5 hours later when frequent urination began.

Vital stats (as of 1600 hours):

Ounces of liquid consumed: 32 or more per child

Pairs of underpants soaked through: 9

Loads of laundry done: 1

Trips made to potty: too many to count

Trips made to potty that resulted in at least some pee actually making it into potty: 6

Number of stickers rewarded for successful potty trips: 5

Pairs of (adult) socks changed after inadvertent stepping in puddle of pee: 1

Number of episodes of Blues Clues watched: 2 (1 Steve, 1 Joe)

Number of Froot Loop necklaces made: 2

Observations: Family morale: good. Weather: overcast with occasional drizzle (outside). Cabin fever danger level: low to moderate. Expected to rise. Contrary to expectation, Clio seeming to catch onto concept more quickly than Elsa. Parents doing well, but looking forward to a glass of wine.

Back to School

Roper — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 13:24:00 GMT

I know it's a little early to be thinking about back-to-school season, but, hey, retailers are doing it. So, I'm jumping on the proud American premature back-to-school promotion bandwagon.

In the Baby Squared household, we've got two very significant educational events on the horizon for September, both of which I'm looking forward to, mostly with excitement, but also with a touch of apprehension and sadness. (Isn't that always the case when it comes to going back to school?) They are:

1. Potty Training. Not the sort of half-assed, stop and start, awareness-building potty training we've been doing up until this point. I'm talking the three-day intensive approach, which I've heard has gotten really good results for a number of people I know. (For their children, that is.) I've got a book, I've got the big girl underpants, and I'm ready to roll. The plan is to do it the weekend after we get back from our vacation in New Hampshire, in early September. (We fear that if we attempt it before that, they might backslide while we're on vacay. And also, frankly, we don't want to have to deal with trekking back and forth from our cabin -- or wherever we happen to be during the day -- to the public bathrooms.)

The basic principle behind this approach is that you throw out the diapers, put the kid(s) in underpants, give them lots of water and juice, and tell them that they need to keep their underpants dry. You don't need to plop them on the pot at regular intervals -- thought I've heard some people swear by that -- but try to pay attention to their signals, bring them to the bathroom when they appear to be ready to go, and expect plenty of accidents along the way. This requires, of course, a certain readiness on a part of the child in question, and I think we're there. The girls often announce when they're about to make a pee-pee or poo-poo, and sometimes ask to go to the potty. They've both peed in it, and understand what it's for. I think at this point they just don't like interrupting what they're doing to bother with it. (And I must admit, I feel sort of the same way.) Anyway, it's going to be a challenge, and a two-parent job, no question. It may not work, and if there's major resistance we won't push it. But I think it's time to give it a shot. Especially in light of upcoming educational event #2:

2. Preschool! (Where it's OK for them to still be in diapers, but they prefer for kids to be "in progress" toward potty training.) Starting in late September, the girls will start going to preschool two mornings a week. I have a feeling they're going to love it. They've done some organized playgroups and classes with Alastair -- the kind where he stays -- and really like them. Granted, Clio tends to stick closer to her Dad, but eventually warms up and joins the action. I worry a little bit about how she'll adjust to being left at preschool, and anticipate some rough goodbyes at first.

I think Elsa will do much better on this front. She loves organized activities. The only potential issue for her will be learning to be a part of the group, instead of going up and trying to be right next to the teacher, which she has a habit of doing. The girl likes to be where the action is. (And, of course, my predictions could just as easily be completely and totally wrong. It has been known to happen.)

While I can't help having a touch of sorrow at the move to preschool (my little babies are growing up!) I'm mostly really excited about it, for their sake. Since they haven't gone to daycare, they don't get a whole lot of exposure to other kids their age, except on playdates and the occasional class. As they become more communicative and verbal, I think it will be good for them to start to get a better sense of how to cooperate and share and all that other socializing stuff. I think they'll also really like the change of scene and the stimulation

Oh, and I'll add in a quick #3: Spitting school. Has anyone had any success in teaching their kids to spit? As in, toothpaste? We still use the toddler stuff, which is OK to swallow, and the girls seem to think it's candy in gel form. They "spit" by making spitting sounds, but haven't figured out how to make anything come out. I'm thinking about doing a spitting workshop with applesauce or something. (Water doesn't work -- tried it.) Not that they *have* to learn how to spit out toothpaste anytime soon. I'm just curious about how this curious skill is attained, and when. Any spitting specialists out there?

Completely unrelated photo of me and my girls a couple of weeks ago on the Cape. Sailing school?

Potty Training: Is it time to get serious?

Roper — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:34:00 GMT

Whenever someone asks if we've started potty training the girls, I'm not quite sure what to say. In a way, yes, I guess we have. We try to get them to sit on the potty before bedtime and naptime, which they're usually amenable to, as long as they've got a couple of books to read. Every once in a while, they actually produce something, and they seem proud of themselves. But they seem just as happy to go in the diapers. Elsa does ask to sit on the potty now and then, but more often than not, it's a stalling technique -- she doesn't want to go to sleep or go upstairs and get ready for bed. Still, i's hard to say "no, you don't need to sit on the potty right now." Because every once in a while, she actually does go. She's the girl who cried potty.

During the day, however, when they're happily engaged in playing, the girls have no interest in potty breaks. They like to announce when they're making (or about to make?) a pee-pee or poo-poo, but when I ask or suggest sitting on the potty, they resist. And I'm thinking it's probably not a good idea (not to mention physically impossible) to *force* them, screaming and crying, to sit on the pot.

But I feel like they're getting closer to more "advanced" toilet training. They're starting to learn how to push down and pull up their pants. And God knows, they're obsessed with talking about pee and poop. Elsa's twin baby doll, who she's never really had a name for (she's called her Elsa, Cora -- same as Clio's, and [insert nonsense syllables here]) has recently been christened "Peep." I'm pretty sure this is a reference to pee, as opposed to the Easter-time marshmallow treat. And get this -- Clio has now decided to change the name of her twin baby doll from Cora to "Poop." Yes, folks, that's right. Elsa and Clio have beautiful, silky-haired, American Girl bitty baby twin dolls named Peep and Poop. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

So my question now is, should we be attempting to implement more regular and frequent "potty time" for the girls at this point? Or just continue to let things take their natural course?

I have to admit, that part of why we've been so relaxed about the whole toilet training is sheer laziness. Toilet training with twins presents some definite logistical challenges. If you pop one kid on the potty (I guess I'm saying potty again) you still need to worry about what the other one is up to. And, of course, that other one will inevitably take this unsupervised opportunity to draw on the coffee table or climb up onto a chair and start pulling knives out of the silverware drawer or trip and bump her head on something and start yowling.

The other option is to put twin #2 on the potty at the same time, if she's willing. But inevitably, while you are helping one kid get out of their diaper, the other one will get up off the potty and start running bare-ass naked around the house. And by the time you get her and bring her back -- and hopefully, she hasn't peed on the floor in the meantime -- the other one is up, and waddling around with her pants around her ankles. Like so many things with twins, it's rather like herding cats. Loud, silly, whiny, un-housebroken, disaster-prone, bare-assed cats. (Well, I suppose all cats are bare-assed.)

I know some people suggest letting your kids run around without diapers for a while and just putting them on the potty the second the need for it becomes obvious, but again, I think this would be really tricky with twins. While you're rushing one to the potty, the other one might be soaking your couch. Not cool.

Can I just hire someone to do this for us? Is there, like, Potty Training 911 for twins? The Potty Whisperer? Anything?

Potty Girls

Roper — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 02:05:00 GMT

Last night marked a momentous occasion in the Baby Squared household: it was the first time that one of the girls (Elsa, namely) asked to sit on the potty and actually produced something! We've had the potties (or "Bobby" as they used to be known) since the summer, and the girls have gone through little phases where they like sitting on them. Often, they'll say "sitty potty?" right as or after they are making a deposit in their diaper, and will go and sit down, diapers still on. We haven't tried to press the issue, because it hasn't seemed like they're quite ready yet.

Then, last night, as I was putting the girls to bed, Elsa started saying, "Elsa make a poopie! Sitty potty! Sitty potty!" At first I thought it was just a ploy to delay bed time; we had friends over, and both girls were totally hyper and wound-up. But she was quite insistent. So I brought her into the bathroom, unzipped her sleeper, unsnapped the onesie, took off the diaper (jeez! so many damned layers!) and sat her on the potty, where she stayed for a few minutes, alternately saying "Elsa makey poopie" and pointing out various items in the bathroom. I didn't hear, see, or smell any evidence of actual poopie-making going on, so after a few minutes, I decided it was time for her to get up, get dressed, and go back to the crib. But when she stood up -- lo and behold! -- there was pee in the potty!

I can't tell you how exciting this was. And how utterly embarrassed I am by the fact that I was so excited. Who ever thought that seeing a little yellow puddle in the bowl of a plastic potty could inspire such joy? I starting hugging Elsa and telling her how great it was that she'd done this, and what a big girl she was, etc. etc. She still seemed to think she'd made poo-poo, not pee-pee ("Elsa makey poo poo in the potty!") but whatever. A technicality. The point is, she asked to sit on the potty and then made good on her intentions.

Since then, she has asked to go a few times, and I have dutifully obliged, thinking maybe she means it. But none of today's seated sojourns yielded any results. Still, I feel like this is a step in a good direction. At least she seems to get what's supposed to happen on the potty, and recognizes the feeling of needing to go -- even if we can't actually get her there in time. And maybe sometimes she doesn't need to go at all, she just wants to sit there on the pot. But that's cool too, right?

There is definitely a reason for this new potty-philia: the girls have looking at a lot of pro-potty propaganda over the past few days. I went to to the library and got out a a book about using the potty, plus an "Elmo's Potty Time" DVD. What the hell is it with toddlers and Elmo? He's like some kind of demi-god to them. The Oprah of the preschool set. No puppet should have that much power. But, of course, I totally exploited it: "do you guys want to sit on the potty just like Elmo does?" And I actually just bought an Elmo potty seat for the toilet, because Elsa always asks to go on the "big potty." Tonight before bed, she asked to "Go poo-poo on Elmo." Hmm....

As for Clio, she has also shown an increased interest in the potty of late -- and of course, what Elsa does, she wants to do, too -- but so far her zeal does not match her sister's. Interesting, since she was actually the first one to start announcing when she was about to move her small bowels, several months back. I suspect, though, that if one of the girls starts getting the hang of things earnest, then the other one will follow suit fairly quickly.

So...I don't know if this means we're actively potty training the girls or what. My instinct is just to follow their lead, and not push it. Ask them if they want to sit on the potty, let them sit if they ask. But there may be a point where we need to take a more proactive approach. Obviously, I haven't done a whole lot of research on the subject of potty-training (hey, if generations of parents have managed to toilet train their kids sans parenting manuals and the internets, how hard can it be?). On the other hand, the information I have seen hasn't tended to be very detailed. (Should you have them sit on the potty at regular times of the day? When should you start using pull-ups? Are rewards a good idea?) If you've got killer potty training tips, bring 'em on!

Finally, my apologies for not including pictures with this post. It just doesn't seem appropriate. But I promise a plethora of photos next time.

Introducing Bobby

Roper — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:40:00 GMT

I'd like to take this post to introduce the newest member of the Baby Squared household, Bobby. Who, you ask, is Bobby? Did we buy a hamster? Is it a long-lost cousin come to crash on our couch? Or have I been secretly pregnant for the past nine months and this is our new baby boy? No, no, no. Bobby is bright pink and made of molded plastic. There are two of him, actually -- one upstairs and one down. And Bobby isn't his actual name, it's just what Elsa calls him. It. OK, OK, enough with the personification ruse. I'm talking potties, people.

(You'll forgive me for not including any pictures in this post.)

At the girls' 18-month checkup last month, our pediatrician asked if the girls had started showing any interest in the potty. I replied that besides walking in on me while I was using it (the grown up version, that is...Robert?), and once or twice splashing in it when I forgot to put the lid down, not really. But at around 15 months, Clio had started letting us know when she wanted her diaper changed. First, she'd just point in the vicinity of her rear. More recently, she's started saying, "poo poo" too, as has Elsa, usually just before she's about to go. I told the doctor this, and she said that we ought to buy a potty and start explaining to the girls what it was, and see if we could get them to sit on it, maybe before bedtime.

So, I got a pair of potties at The Baby Superstore Which Must Not be Named and now we occasionally try to get the girls to sit on them, with or without diapers on, just to try to get the idea. I've gotten Elsa to sit a couple of times, but Clio hasn't been terribly willing. (Though she is very interested in taking the inner receptacles in and out.) They do both seem to understand, though, that their potties are for the same thing Mommy & Daddy use the big potty for -- "poo poo" and "pee bee," specifically. If they walk in on me in the bathroom now, I let them watch, and I explain what's going on. (Sorry, TMI, I know, but I suspect this is how they learn....) I've also gotten in the habit of saying "bye-bye [insert appropriate euphemism here]" when I flush the toilet. As a result, they seem to think that's a big part of Bobby culture. (At one point, while we were on vacation, I found Elsa in my aunt's bathroom, waving at the toilet, saying "bye bye!")

I think they're quite a long ways from actual toilet training -- they're only 19 months after all -- but it is cool that they're starting to make the connection between what happens in their diapers and what happens in Bobby. Today, when Elsa started saying "poo poo," I brought her into the bathroom and she sat on the potty on her own, diaper still on. She didn't actually go, but it felt like a step (seat?) in the right direction. And the other night we had an incredibly exciting occurrence: I was giving the girls a bath, and Clio started looking....concerned...and squatting weirdly. I said, "Do you need to go poo poo?" She nodded and said, "Poo poo!" and I whisked her out of the tub, onto the potty, and by George, the girl dropped her little bomb right on target! I clapped and praised her madly, then we flushed and said "bye bye." I was giddy for the rest of the night. (Clio wasn't nearly as excited.)

Now, here's the part where I ask your advice: what exactly is the correct protocol for cleaning these things -- the Bobby, I mean; not the babies -- after use? I know I dump the goods into Bobby Sr., and then do a quick wipe with toilet paper. But then what? Should I rinse the receptacle out in the sink? The tub? (If the girls aren't in it, obviously) The toilet? Should I designate a special Bobby sponge that I use to wipe them down with cleaning spray or something? I've always felt stymied and a little squeamish when it comes to cleaning things that have touched human waste. Like, I'm never quite sure how to rinse off a toilet brush or plunger after I use it, or where/how I should soak the girls' clothes if they get soiled.

I feel rather ridiculous asking, but if there is some standard Bobby-cleaning procedure you have that works, please do share. (Any other potty training tips are much appreciated, too!)