(An interview with myself)
I caught up with myself during the Super Bowl halftime show for a brief interview to discuss my recent trip to New York -- my first time away on my own since the babies were born. I was dressed in jeans and a rumpled gray, faux-wrap sweater, and apologized for being so tired -- I'd driven up from New York that afternoon, and had drunk a little too much and not eaten quite enough over the previous few days. After exchanging pleasantries and making chit-chat about the halftime show (could that moving neon guitar headed for the neon heart have looked any more...er...obscene? Who are those cheesy 'groupies' in the concert audience? Are they paid actors?) we got down to business.
Me: So, me, what was it like to be away from your babies for the first time?
Me, Also: You know, it was actually really great. It's not that I didn't miss them; I definitely did. But it felt really good to be on my own for a little while, just thinking about writing and my career, seeing friends, not having to think about taking care of anyone or anything. It was nice to reconnect with this part of myself I hadn't gotten to spend time with for a while, with no agenda or expectations. And, of course, I was in New York City, which kicks ass. Honestly, I was kind of giddy the whole time. Even mundane things -- sleeping until 8:30 a.m., walking down the street alone, poking into shops, buying a hot dog from a vendor on the street -- felt like a big adventure.
Me: It sounds like you didn't really *suffer* at all. Or feel guilty. Or wish you'd stayed home. What kind of mother does that make you, Jane?
M.A.: A happy, well-balanced one?
Me: Right. That's very post-post-feminist of you. Very empowered, or something. Anyway. What were some of the highlights of the trip?
M.A.: Gosh, me, there were so many. I visited the Babble.com headquarters and saw Ada and Gwynne, the editors, which was really nice. I went to a reading and book release party for a guy named Toby Barlow who wrote a novel in blank verse about werewolves in L.A. called Sharp Teeth. At the conference, I saw some wonderful writers speak and read. I saw old friends, met new ones, and even got to hang out and shoot the shit with (gulp!) Russell Banks. I went to MOMA, which was amazing. I can't believe I'd never gone before; it was incredible to see so many great, celebrated works of art in one place, up close. Like Jasper Johns's [sic] American flag: I'd seen pictures of it, but it's not the same as seeing it live. Did you know there's all this newspaper gessoed onto the canvas? It has so much texture. You can't just can't see that in a photograph.
Me: Um, right. That's really interesting. But I don't hear you talking about Elsa and Clio. Weren't you thinking about them at all?
M.A.: Sure. I was thinking about how much I want to bring them to museums and talk with them about art when they're older. I bought them a book -- "Andy Warhol's Colors" -- in the gift shop. I saw a mom and her 2-year-old twins and talked to her and told her how much I missed my kids, and how nice it was to see her there with hers.
Me: And then what? You went back to your hotel room and looked at pictures of the babies and called Alastair and sobbed quietly into your pillow?
M.A.: Um, well, actually, no. I went to my room and changed, did my hair, went down to the hotel bar and had a drink and talked with some people I knew from my MFA program, then went with a friend to a bar downtown called the Crocodile Lounge, where you get a free pizza with every drink you buy. (Sweet!) Then we went back to the hotel and went to a dance party. And then, feeling socialized-out, I went back to my room and read for a while, then went to bed.
Me: That sounds really selfish. I mean, nice.
M.A.: You know, I didn't have to agree to do this interview. I could be watching the game. Not that I give a shit about football, but it is the Patriots. And I work in advertising, so I should be paying attention to the commercials. But instead, here I am giving you my time and you're passively-aggressively asking me to justify myself---
Me: No, you're right. You're totally right. I'm sorry. It's just that -- well, I haven't done a lot of interviews, and I guess I'm kind of nervous. I'm sorry.
M.A.: Well, thank you for that. I appreciate it. (Awkward pause.) Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?
Me: No, no. Oh--wait. Well, yes, actually: just one more thing. What was it like to come home to the girls and Alastair?
M.A.: It was even better than the trip.
Me: Which is saying a lot, isn't it?
M.A.: Yes. Exactly.
Me: I feel like we really understand each other. Like we really connect, you know?
M.A.: Now you're pushing it.
