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• Eating out With Toddlers: A Primer

  Before A. and I had the kids, we loved eating out. It was one of our favorite things to do together, and we always did it a little more often and little better than we could really afford, but it never felt like money wasted. We'd spend lazy Saturday mornings drinking bottomless cups of coffee and stuffing ourselves with omelettes at various breakfast joints, have drinks and appetizers in the middle of the afternoon in the midst of long, leisurely rambles through Boston or Cambridge. Occasionally, we'd splurge on a nice dinner at a place where the waiters are annoying ("what we've done is we've taken a filet of salmon, we've rubbed it with saffron, then dragged it through a vat of roasted, pulverized almonds, then nailed it to the wall and thrown little snails at it...") but the food is so-o-o-o good.   When the girls were teeny tiny newborns, and basically all they did was sleep, we went out a few times with them in their infant seats and ate normal meals, like normal adults. Those days, needless to say, are long gone. We've tried to go out with them a few times more recently, and I'm sorry to say that it's really not that pleasant. In fact, generally, I would not recommend dining out with twin toddlers. But if you are foolhardy enough to attempt it, you might find the following tips helpful:   1. Bring food. Forget about this notion of waiting to "order" food because it's a "restaurant." Once you get your kiddos in a highchair, and assuming it's near a mealtime, they're gonna want to eat. So bring a snack and a sippy cup to hold them over until your order arrives. Or ask the restaurant to bring you some bread, stat. No, forget that; it takes too long. Bring your own.   2. Bring toys, too. Or books, if that's what they're into. Basically anything they can hold onto before and after eating so they won't reach for the knives / Sweet and Low packets / wine glasses / your plate / etc. (Of course, they will anyway). In a pinch, spoons make pretty good toys, as do paper napkins.   3. Go at an off-peak time. Everyone will have a better time if the restaurant you go to is not crowded, so you don't feel rushed and there are fewer other customers for your children to annoy. And by off-peak, I mean really off-peak. We made the mistake of going out this past Sunday morning to our neighborhood breakfast hotspot at around 9:00, thinking that we'd beat the hungover college crowd, but instead, we hit the older people and families with young kids crowd (duh). We felt stressed out the whole time. At one point Alastair looked across the table at me and said "This sucks!" A better strategy might have been tip #4.   4. Go to a mediocre restaurant. It's less likely to be crowded, and let's face it: it's not like you're going to have an exquisite gustatory experience when you're moving knives and glasses and coffee cups out of reach of your children with one hand and shoveling food into your own face with another. Also, your child will prefer whatever you're having to whatever you've ordered for them, so you won't get to eat much of it anyway. If we'd gone to the cavernous, dimly-lit breakfast place across town staffed by surly Eastern European women instead of the aforementioned breakfast hot spot, we might not have gotten fresh fruit on our plates, but we might have actually enjoyed ourselves.   5. Don't do it. Just don't. Unless you absolutely have to -- you're on vacation or something. Really, you're better off just staying home (it's cheaper, too) and make eating out a special, adults-only treat, as we did last night, to celebrate our anniversary. We got a sitter for a couple of hours and went to a great restaurant with annoying waiters and overpriced wine and not a highchair or booster seat in sight. And it. was. wonderful.   Posted May 13 2008, 10:40 AM by Roper with | with 15 comment(s) Filed under: twins, feeding twins, table manners, dining out

• Regression

  We were doing so well with the whole pacifier weaning thing. Really, we were.   We started using the things with the girls at an early age, following the 5 "S"s school of self-soothing: suck (that's the pacifier), swaddle, shush....um...shit. Swing? Sway? Something to do with movement. And another one. Sambuca?   Anyway, the point is, we were not bashful about giving the girls pacifiers in their early months, especially when trying to get them to sleep. Gradually, we made pacifiers the province of 1. The crib and 2. The car. (And kept them on hand for outings to stores, where they ran the risk of getting antsy.) Lately, the only time they really use them is in their cribs, while they sleep, and we're fine with that for the time being.   But last week, Clio started getting extremely cranky. She was breaking a top tooth (our children are still freakishly toothless for their age: Clio only has 2 teeth and Elsa only has 4), and obviously uncomfortable, running a slight fever, too. So we let the pacifier rules slacken a little and gave it to her outside of her crib. But it got to the point where she was asking for it all the time.   As it turns out, she had an ear infection. Her fever was up at 104.5 on Friday night, which was more than a little disconcerting. She's never had a fever that high before. And -- SPOILER ALERT FOR A 10-YEAR-OLD MOVIE -- ever since I saw that movie City of Angels, with Meg Ryan and Nicholas Cage, I've been haunted by the opening scene, where a toddler gets a really high fever and the mom puts her in a cold bath, then takes her to the hospital, but she ends up dying. (I wasn't even close to being a mother when I saw the movie, and yet it terrified me.) So, we called the doctor and administered medication which, fortunately, worked, and took her to the doctor's the next day. Her right ear was nice and red and full-o-pus.   So, at least we knew what we were dealing with. She's definitely improved since we started giving her antibiotics. However, she's gotten used to having her pacifier now, and still whines for it regularly. And all you mothers of twins out there know what happens when you give one twin something: the other one wants it, too. So, now we've got Elsa jonesing for a pacifier whenever Clio is, which is often. Tonight they were so eager for their pacifiers they begged to be put into their cribs as soon as I got their pajamas on them, just so they could suck on the damned things. I'm hoping that as Clio's ear infection wanes and her tooth comes in we can gradually get her -- and Elsa -- back to their more moderate pacifier usage. Because I'm just not down with this regression thing. My hope has always been that by the time they're two, we can get them off the plastic teat completely. But we'll see...   Meanwhile, at least we are making forward progress on another front: utensils! Here, some snapshots of tonight's fork and spoon training session:   Die, potatoes! Die! Die!      Am I left-handed? I don't think I'm left-handed...      Hmm...I like the not-so-spiky end of this thing....     Is there a reason these things are a better option than my hands?   Posted May 07 2008, 07:50 PM by Roper with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: teething, twins, feeding twins, pacifiers, ear infections, regression

• In which I poison my daughter

  Don't worry; this isn't the sequel to my last post about how having two toddlers is running me ragged. What happened this morning was purely accidental, and fortunately relatively benign. But it was a good example of how toddlers manage to find hazards you'd never even considered before.   It was after I'd given the girls breakfast, and we were all hanging out in the kitchen -- the ladies playing with their rubber balls, me cleaning up. I opened the dishwasher to empty it and noticed that the hinge was catching and squeaking in a weird way. I ducked into the bathroom, where I was pretty sure we had one of the ten-thousand cans of WD-40 that "Santa" puts in my Christmas stocking when we spend the holidays at my parents' house. (Along with windshield de-icer, batteries, and usually a pair of nail clippers. When did Santa get so damned practical?)   Ironically, as I was looking for the WD-40, the thought I had was "hm, I wonder if maybe I shouldn't use WD-40 with the girls around," thinking they could somehow get it on their hands and into their mouths. But I realized this was silly, because they really wouldn't be able to get at the hinges of the dishwasher door. But I was pleased with myself for being so conscientious.   Until I came out of the bathroom, and saw Elsa poking at her tongue, making a "yuck" face and whimpering slightly. Her wrist had some kind of white gunk on it, and I thought at first that she'd spit up. (Not a common occurence these days, but it could happen.) I quickly realized that whatever was on her hand and in her mouth smelled far too springtime-fresh to be spit-up. Then I saw the open dishwasher door (bad mommy!), and the residue of the liquid detergent left behind in the detergent holder, scored with little finger marks. It was like some badly edited film: shot of mother examining child's mouth and hands. Cut to dishwasher. Zoom in to detergent cup. Back to child. Shot of mother's eyes gone wide. High-pitched, panicked violin music up.   I grabbed a washcloth, soaked it, and rubbed it around in Elsa's mouth, which she tolerated quite patiently, then gave her some water to drink, and decided that this really wasn't so bad. She'd probably only gotten a tiny bit of detergent in her mouth, and swallowed little, if any. Hell, parents used to wash their kids' mouths out with soap for swearing, right? And this was dish soap; you put it on things that go into your mouth. How toxic could it be?   But I thought to be safe, I should read the back of the detergent bottle. It said: If product is swallowed or gets in mouth, rinse mouth out (check!) give glassful of water or milk (check!), and contact poison control or doctor immediately. Um...shit. OK!   Until this point in my life, "Poison Control" had always just been a number on a refrigerator magnet, or a sticker on the phone. I didn't think anyone actually ever called it. As I dialed (I found the number on a refrigerator magnet whose origin utterly escapes me) I half expected to get a recording saying the number was no longer in service and hadn't been since 1989. But sure enough, a nice woman answered, I told her about my little situation, and she said I'd done exactly what I should have, and there was nothing else to do. "Just keep an eye on her for the next fifteen minutes," she said. "If she vomits, she'll do it in that timeframe."   About ten minutes after I'd hung up the phone, as if on cue, Elsa had a teeny, tiny little puke on the kitchen floor. She barely seemed to notice it had happened, and just went along her merry way.   Phew.   What a way to start the weekend, eh?   Posted May 02 2008, 02:19 PM by Roper with | with 12 comment(s) Filed under: babyproofing, feeding twins, poison control

• Twins at the table

  Now that everybody's digestive tracts are more or less back in functioning order, I thought I'd take a few minutes to document the unique systems of table manners that the girls have developed. I personally find many of these rather annoying and exasperating, but who am I to judge what may seem like perfectly reasonable practices to Elsa and Clio? I'm talking etiquette relativism, here. Just because I don't understand it or agree with it doesn't necessarily make it wrong.    Elsa's rules of etiquette:    1. Just as wine should be served in a stemmed glass, milk should be served through a nipple. Plastic or real, it doesn't matter. But under no circumstances should milk be served in a sippy cup. Water in a sippy cup is fine. Milk in a sippy cup? Gauche, gauche, gauche!   2. If you do not feel like eating something, you should bunch your lips up, close your eyes, and shake your head "no." But a lady always has the right to change her mind. Just because you refuse a spoonful of something in one instance doesn't mean you can't open your mouth and whine to be fed that same food six seconds later.   3. The graham cracker Clio is eating is better than the one you have. Take it!         Clio's rules of etiquette:   1. If mommy is going to eat or drink in front of you, she has to give you a bite or sip of her food or drink. You don't have to actually accept it. In fact, you can turn away when she offers it to you. The important thing is that she offers. Repeatedly. It's just a matter of respect.   2. Food is always better when served to you directly out of a bowl, plate, or tupperware container. It doesn't matter if you already have some of that food in front of you on your highchair tray. Point at the container it was taken from and insist that mommy let you take some directly out of the container. Again, you don't have to actually eat it. (Don't be silly!) Feel free to throw it on the floor or drop it onto your sister's highchair tray, if that's what you're into.   3. After taking a slug of milk or water from your sippy cup, it is traditional to fling the cup gleefully aside onto the floor. (You know how sometimes people do a champagne toast, then throw their glasses at the fireplace? Same thing, pretty much. Except be sure to cry for your cup back several seconds later.)           Both Elsa and Clio Agree:   To indicate that you are finished eating -- or if you just feel like having a little fun -- use both hands and, with a rapid wiping motion, clear all of the food off of your highchair tray onto the floor. It makes mommy say that "no" word, but seriously, what's she gonnna do about it? Stop feeding you? She is powerless. Your high chair is a throne. You are the sovereign. Show no mercy!       Posted Jan 27 2008, 09:35 AM by Roper with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: sippy cups, feeding twins, table manners, I am powerless

• Eat this, bad nurse.

  The other day, I called my pediatrician's office with some food-related questions. (Food and poop, food and poop -- I think I could write a whole baby blog just about food and poop.) I spoke to a nurse, and asked her the following questions:   1. Is it OK to give the girls baked/cooked foods that have honey as an ingredient, even though they're not supposed to have raw honey? (Answer: yes, if it's thoroughly cooked, it's fine)   2. Is it OK for them to have baked goods--i.e. perhaps a Christmas cookie or two -- made with eggs even though they're not supposed to have egg whites until over a year? (Answer: well, yes, what can you do...and they have to have cake on their birthday, right?)   3. When and how we should start introducing cow's milk? (Answer: we can start now if we want, mixing a little into their bottles of breastmilk or formula and gradually increasing the amount.)   My final question was  about self-feeding. Both girls have gotten to be very adept at eating with their fingers/hands. And by "adept" I mean that slightly more food appears to be ending up in their mouths than in their hair, on their clothes, or on the floor. They are not starving. Anyway, I asked the nurse when we should start trying to get them to feed themselves with a spoon. Here is the conversation that ensued:   Nurse: They're not using a spoon yet? Me: No, mostly they eat with their hands, or we feed them. We've tried giving them those curved, "first spoons" a few times, but it hasn't gone very well. Nurse: What do you mean, they can't get the spoon to their mouths? Me: Well, yeah, they can. They're just not very good at it. And they don't seem to quite get the idea of dipping the spoon back into the bowl to get more. They just stry to stick their hands in. Nurse: (Sounding concerned) Well, you should keep trying. But if they don't get the hang of it, then it's something you should talk to their doctor about, because it could be a sign that there's some sort of developmental problem. Me:  (Pause) What the HELL is wrong with you, betch?   OK, that's not what I said. I said "sure, sure, right, right, thank you for your time," because I'm a sane and reasonable person and I know -- at least, I think -- that it's totally normal for 11-1/2 month olds not to be spoon-feeding themselves yet, and even if it isn't, I am not prone to getting freaked out if my children don't hit their developmental benchmarks exactly when the books -- or weird nurses -- say they're supposed to.   But imagine if I were a less informed, more nervous mother? And this idiot brings up the possibility of a developmental delay based on a few sentences over the phone? WTF? Frankly, it threw into question the validity of her earlier responses re. honey, eggs, and milk.    That being said, of course, I now feel compelled to start letting the girls try the spoon thing more often. So, today we gave it a shot, with baby cereal. The results were deliciously disgusting. As on past occasions, the girls were happy to hold the spoon and eat cereal off the end of it, but after that, they'd just stick their free hand into the cereal for another mouthful and, eventually, fling their spoons to the ground. I can't say I blame them. I mean, if you've got a perfectly good method for getting food into your mouth, why complicate it with utensils? Hell, in some cultures people only eat with their hands. Does that mean they're all developmentally delayed?   I will admit that I'm curious to know from you experienced moms out there when your little'uns got proficient with utensils, and how you convinced them that it was worth the trouble. In the meantime, here are the results of today's self-feeding with spoons. Glorious!         PS -- Quick dietary update, for those of you who recall my meat fears : The girls have eaten both turkey and chicken now, in the form of little shredded bits of it, and turkey meatballs. For some reason, once they both had two teeth and started spending more time standing upright and acting like little people, the thought of giving them meat didn't seem quite so...unsavory. And get this: they freakin' LOVE it. Sorry to all the vegevangelists out there -- looks like for the time being, anyway, these gals are carnivores.   PPS -- I'm still scared to give them pork.   Posted Dec 16 2007, 08:50 PM by Roper with | with 24 comment(s) Filed under: Milestones, feeding twins, spoon feeding, meat, fear-mongering, annoying nurses

• The Rubber Duck Method

  So, I've figured out one way to keep cranky babies eating instead of crying during feeding: give them each a small rubber duck. Between bites, they can suck on its head or bang it against their high chair tray. This seems to calm them down, and distracts them enough that they're willing to absently open their mouths for those lovin' spoonfuls of cereal or veggies from time to time. And strictly speaking, I suppose, it doesn't have to be a duck. Probably any small toy or non-choking-hazard object will do. I've also had success giving them toddler feeding spoons. They can't quite get the hang of actually feeding themselves with them yet -- I tried, suction bowls and all -- but they seem to enjoy sucking on them and batting them around and dropping them on the floor.   The larger issue here, though, is that I think they're getting impatient with being fed. They obviously like to be able to do something with their hands and feel like they're an active part of the feeding process. (I'm not exactly sure how they think the rubber ducks play into this, but whatever works....) They are increasingly enthusiastic about eating things with their hands, so I fear I'm going to have to start incorporating more finger foods (other than Cheerios and crackers) into their meals. I say "fear" because this requires a change from the last four months' routine of make-ahead purees, powdered ceral from a box, and yogurt -- a routine we've got down pat. We fear change.   But here's what I'm thinking we can start with: soft, cooked chunks and cubes of the veggies they already eat (squash, sweet potatoes, carrots, peas, etc.), pieces of banana and avocado, maybe some pasta (the little wheels? fusilli? what works?), scrambled or boiled egg yolks (we've tried this, and they like it OK), bits of tofu (ditto).  And maybe they could handle some ground turkey or chicken. I'm feeling less terrified about giving them meat lately. The whole cat food thing really paved the way, I guess. But I'm sure you folks have got plenty of other fabulous ideas, so bring 'em on. Please!   Not digging the peas and carrots, Mom. Photo by Heidi Cohen.   Posted Nov 02 2007, 06:48 PM by Roper with | with 12 comment(s) Filed under: feeding twins, finger foods, rubber ducks

• I'm so happy, I'm going to cry miserably

  It was my understanding that babies are supposed to cry when they don't get what they want. But lately, Elsa and Clio have gotten into a -- frankly, quite annoying -- habit of crying when they are about to or are in the process of getting exactly what their little hearts desire. This chiefly involves eating. The babes will be playing contentedly on the floor, happy as can be. Then I'll get them up into their high chairs, put on their bibs, and suddenly they are STARVING. And not only are they starving, but I am TORTURING them by not immediately filling their mouths. I've taken to keeping a box of Cheerios on the dining room table near their high chairs so I can fling cereal at them while I go into the kitchen to get their food. On more organized days, I make sure I've got their food all set first, so I can start feeding them RIGHT AWAY before they PERISH FROM HUNGER!!   But even that's not good enough for Elsa, who's lately started to cry and whine while she's being fed, between and sometimes even during spoonfuls. It's like suddenly she realizes how hungry she's been this whole time and is retroactively miserable, even as I'm shoveling her full of bananas / cereal / squash / yogurt / whatever as fast as possible. I've always fed both girls at the same time out of one bowl, alternating spoonfuls between them, but I'm thinking maybe I should work on my ambidexterity (is that a word?) -- get a spoon in each hand and feed them both at once. Or, maybe I should start telling Elsa about the starving children in Africa? Yeah, that one always works.   The other thing they've started to do is what you might call reunification anxiety. Forget separation anxiety; they don't seem to have any problem with my leaving them with a sitter, relative, etc. It's when I come back that all of a sudden they get needy. I come in the door, they're playing happily, and then they see me, smile at first, and promptly start whining and crying and reaching up to be held, as if their prior happiness was all just an act: Grandma (or whoever) was actually TORTURING them all day! It was HORRIBLE! All that smiling and giggling? They were just being polite! HELP, MOMMY! SAVE US!!    Or maybe I'm misinterpreting this situation. Maybe it's not that they suddenly remember that they want attention from me in particular. Maybe, in fact, they're thinking: Oh, great, look who's back -- that mean lady who's going to put us in our high chairs and NOT FEED US, for, like, twelve seconds. We HATE that bitch.   Has anyone else out there experienced the baby-crying-when-they-get-what-they-allegedly-want phenomenon? I'd love to hear your theories on the cause, or possible coping strategies besides trying desperately to placate them while repeatedly cooing things like, "Hey, little baby, you're OK!" And "Why so sad, cookie pants?" and "There's no crying in baseball!"     Temporarily appeased by Cheerios    Posted Oct 16 2007, 09:50 AM by Roper with | with 21 comment(s) Filed under: Cheerios, separation anxiety, feeding twins, illogical baby behavior