Baby Squared

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• Elsa the Girly Girl

  As you may have seen, both Clio and Elsa enjoy wearing my hats and shoes. Not to mention their father's. They like wearing play necklaces and bracelets, too, and usually like having barettes and rubber bands in their hair. But Elsa seems to be developing an affinity for another sort of personal grooming items: things she can put on her face and hands. As in creams, lotion, soap, etc. She has watched me put make-up on in the morning before work, and wants a foam pad so she can "put it on Elsa face!" too. She sees me put on lipstick / chapstick, and wants to "put on Elsa mouth!" I let her, a little. (Clean foam pad; chapstick, not lipstick.)   I should mention, at this point, that I think I am relatively low-maintenance when it comes to my personal grooming routine. Yes, I do wear make-up most days, because my eyes all but disappear from my face when I don't. And in the past couple of years, I've started wearing light foundation sometimes to even out my skin tone. I put moisturizer on my face before bed -- whatever happened to be on sale at CVS when I needed more. But that's pretty much it. I wash my hair, like, twice a week. I almost never wear nail polish, because it makes me feel like my fingernails are suffocating, and I just chip it off within a couple of hours anyway. I do like toenail polish and the occasional pedicure in the summer, but this is a new-ish development, as is getting my hair professionally colored. (OK, I guess I've become a little more high maintenance with age.)   Still, I grew up with a fairly non-girly mom as a role model -- a very naturally beautiful mom, but one who was never overly focused on clothes, make-up, etc. I like that. And I like the fact that I wasn't allowed to get my ears pierced or wear so much as lip gloss until I was twelve. I like that clothes and hair and shoes weren't big priorities for me as a kid or a teenager. (God, I was a terrible dresser as a teenager! My teen years spanned 1987-1993, so I sort of had an excuse, but still.) Sure, there were times when I was jealous of my more "advanced" and fashion-forward peers. But in retrospect, I'm glad I was brought up in a fairly non-materialistic, non-appearance-obsessed household. Naturally, I want Elsa and Clio to have more or less the same values.   So is it wrong that I put nail polish on Elsa yesterday?   (Pics after the jump)   Read More... Posted Feb 27 2009, 07:25 AM by Roper with | with 22 comment(s) Filed under: twins, nature and nurture, materialism, Elsa, twin toddlers, twin individuality, girls and self-esteem, gender stereotypes, nail polish, feminism

• T-I-M-E O-U-T

  You're probably all familiar with the need to spell out certain words in front of your toddlers once they pick up that pesky habit of understanding English. Woe to the parent who foolishly utters the word C-O-O-K-I-E without the intent of immediately handing one over to any small child within earshot. And don't mention that you're going to take your kids to the P-L-A-Y-G-R-O-U-N-D unless you intend to go THAT VERY SECOND.    But certain words, you would think, are safe to say aloud -- things that kids aren't interested in, like "credit card," "recycling," or "corkscrew." Or things that pertain to them, but that they don't find particularly appealing and aren't likely to start begging for, like "crib" or "time-out." Right? Well, yes. Except ixnay on that last one in the Baby Squared household.       Read More... Posted Nov 19 2008, 09:30 PM by Roper with | with 26 comment(s) Filed under: I am powerless, depression, Elsa, Clio, discipline, parenting twins, twin toddlers, parenting and depression, twin table manners, time out

• I like these guys. They're funny guys!

  First person to get the title reference gets a big, virtual high-five. (No Googling allowed!)   In this post, however, I'm referring to Elsa and Clio, who -- as I was reminded yesterday -- are two very funny little girls. Exasperating at times, yes. But also extremely entertaining. Clio seems to actively try to be silly, with funny faces and noises and goofy antics. Her humor tends toward the absurdist. Last night at dinner, for example, she decided it was very funny to pretend she was asleep.          Read More... Posted Nov 13 2008, 04:15 PM by Roper with | with 17 comment(s) Filed under: silliness, depression, Elsa, Clio, Barack Obama, twin toddlers, twin individuality, parenting and depression, Sylvia Plath, acupuncture, twin table manners

• Tears

  On Monday afternoon, when we got back from our weekend in New York, I made the stupid (STUPID!) mistake of taking the girls to the grocery store with me. My mood had been plummeting steadily all day, to my disappointment (I'd felt much better the day before), and neither of the girls had slept much on the drive up. Given these two things, I really should have known better. Even Alastair thought maybe it was too much for me to handle, given how I was feeling. ("Are you sure you'll be OK?") But we needed milk and bread and bananas, and it was something to pass the time until dinner, and I thought maybe getting out and doing something would kick my depressed ass back into gear. So off we went.   We'd barely made it halfway through the produce section when Clio started whining and crying to get out of the cart, then yelling for milk or water or juice (which I STUPIDLY hadn't brought). Then she started screaming for a cookie. Elsa, meanwhile, kept wriggling out of the seatbelt (it was one of those shopping carts shaped like a little car) and standing up with half her body out the front window like some kind of hyperactive labrador retriever.   I was the picture of a stressed-out mom. I looked bad, I felt horrid. I could sense people looking at us, maybe in pity, maybe annoyance, maybe some in smiling, "how cute they are, but what a handful" sympathy. I wouldn't know -- I kept my eyes straight ahead, kept my head down, and told myself to just get everything on the list and get out and go home. And then what? Unload the groceries, keep the girls entertained for another hour and a half, make them dinner, get them to bed, make our dinner, unpack....(These sound like simple enough things to do, but when I am depressed, something as simple as brushing my teeth feels akin to pushing a boulder up a hill.) I half wished I'd collapse right there in the cereal aisle and wake up in a sanitorium -- maybe out in the Berkshires somewhere; the kind where they used to send ladies suffering from "nervous exhaustion." Birds singing. Clean white sheets. A rocking chair.... Read More... Posted Nov 05 2008, 10:30 PM by Roper with | with 24 comment(s) Filed under: Milestones, grocery store with twins, cheesiness, depression, crying, Elsa, Barack Obama, twin toddlers, parenting and depression, hope, change, election

• A Hometown Halloween

  Alastair's hometown, that is, here in the leafy loveliness of Westchester county. We came down for the weekend, specifically for the unveiling of Alastair's grandmother's grave monument. She died around this time last year, and it's a (very nice, I think) Jewish tradition to visit the stone a year later. We said some words and prayers, and then the girls thought it would be fun to pick up the stones that we placed on Great Grandma's grave and move them to the other, neighboring graves and back again, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.   That night, we took the girls out for their first official trick-or-treating experience. Like last weekend, at the Halloween party, Clio refused to wear her tutu, so we had one ballerina and one modern dancer -- or perhaps she was a ballerina in rehearsal. More power to her, I say. And so, we set out into the lovely, suburban twilight, our family of four (Mommy had had a low day, but managed to rally) plus Abu and dogs, Aki and Niko.        More pics after the jump...   Read More... Posted Nov 02 2008, 07:07 PM by Roper with | with 8 comment(s) Filed under: family, twins, Fall Fun, New York, depression, Elsa, Clio, Barack Obama, twin toddlers, grandparents, halloween costumes, parenting and depression

• Sessa and Kee-o

  One of the loveliest parts about having twins is watching the relationship between them develop. When I was pregnant, lots of parents of twins mentioned this by way of encouragement / consolation: yes, it's really hard, but it's so amazing when they start really interacting. And it's a great, great thing when they can start keeping each other entertained, so you don't have to all the time.   True, true, true. But it takes a while. For the first several months of their lives, Elsa and Clio were pretty much oblivious to each other. This is understandable, I guess; If I'd spent nine months crammed in with another person in a space the size of a small watermelon, I'd want a little space, too.   Once they could sit up and crawl, they started to do things like take toys, bottles and pacifiers away from each other -- generally without incident. (Hm. I had a block, now I don't. Whaddya know about that?) When they became bipedal, they began having the occasional playful wrestling match, which would start with giggling and inevitably end with tears. (Usually from Clio, who Elsa has a habit of "loving" a bit roughly at times.) Hitting, pushing and hair pulling, both innocent and with intent to harm, followed. As I wrote in a recent post, refereeing between the two of them has become an increasingly large part of my role as a parent.   (Pics & video after the jump!)   Read More... Posted Oct 22 2008, 09:07 PM by Roper with | with 8 comment(s) Filed under: twins, sibling rivalry, Elsa, Clio, twin language acquisition, twin toddlers, twin individuality, twin interaction

• Sleep, baby, sleep.

  Two out of the past three days, Clio has decided that she doesn't feel like taking her nap. What's worse -- she's done just fine without it. No tantrums, no meltdowns, not even excessive early eye-rubbing. This concerns us greatly. If Clio gives up her nap, that means no child-free respite in the middle of day. No break. Those precious two (if we're lucky) hours of quiet and calm -- to catch up on email or read or write or catch a few winks ourselves -- gone.   The girls are such good sleepers, I'd always assumed they'd keep taking a nap until they were three -- or at least two and a half. Elsa probably will; the girl is a voracious sleeper. But little Clio -- who, come to think of it, didn't do a whole lot of sleeping in-utero either -- may be on her way to a napless existence. I hope it's just a phase. Dear God, let it just be a phase.   (Pics after the jump!)   Read More... Posted Oct 17 2008, 09:27 PM by Roper with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: sleep patterns, twins, Dropping a nap, Elsa, Clio, babysitter, twin toddlers, child models, me-time

• You know it's hard out here for a toddler.

  Poor Elsa. She's had a rough week. First off, she's still having poop issues. (Can you believe it? I managed to go a whole month and a half without writing about poop!) This in spite of a very fiber-rich diet and lots of liquids. She goes most days, but I think she holds off as long as possible, and then when she does go, it's quite traumatic. Things are....well, large. A week ago, I spent ten minutes sitting on the floor with her and holding her and rubbing her back while she labored. It seriously was like that -- I had visions of myself, thirty years from now, helping her as she gives birth to her first child, rubbing her back and saying, "you know, this reminds me of when you were little, and you were having constipation issues...."    Hm. I don't know why I'm assuming that I would be there while Elsa is laboring. I guess sometimes mothers do that. Especially on TV. (Wasn't the whole freakin' Cosby family in the room with Sandra while she pushed?) But my mother certainly wasn't there when I was in labor, and that was A-OK with me.   In any case. I never could have anticipated that part of being a parent would be comforting my child while she tries to do her business. And that there would be something very sweet and tender about it. (About the comforting, that is. Not the...oh never mind.) I am beginning to think, however, that it's time to bring in the big guns in an attempt to get to the bottom of (ha ha) this problem. Has anyone out there had any luck with mineral oil?       Read More... Posted Sep 24 2008, 09:40 PM by Roper with | with 19 comment(s) Filed under: twins, poop, when twins get sick, Elsa, twin toddlers, constipation, shyness

• Top 5 Trends for Fall

  With the new season is in full swing, our special Baby Squared trendspotting correspondent -- uh, me -- is here to report on what's hot NOW in the Baby Squared household!   Ice. Not diamonds or crystal meth (Mommy and Daddy would never approve), but the real thing: frozen water, preferably in tiny, bite-size chunks (use the "crushed" setting if your fridge has an ice dispenser) in a plastic cup, to be sucked on, bitten, and dumped on the floor at the girls' pleasure. Nutritious? No. Safe for baby teeth? Probably not. The perfect cure for teething woes and the pre-dinner-hour munchies? Absolutely!     Hand holding. Sweet, simple, and oh-so-satisfying, it's all the rage among the Elsa and Clio set. Grab your mommy or daddy and pull them around the house or the yard; your tug is their demand. Or, if the adult of your choice is unable or unwilling, hold your sister's hand. It's just the right size -- same as yours -- and get ready to watch the adults around you melt. Want a cookie? Some ice? Some crystal meth? Twin toddlers holding hands are NEVER denied. (Editor's note: it was actually today at church, after the service, that the girls held hands for the first time. My hands were full, so I told Clio to try holding Elsa's instead. It worked, and Elsa led her around the sanctuary and the reception area, making everyone grin, adding years to old folks' lives, etc. etc. It really was adorable. Until Elsa got tired of it and Clio kept trying to get her to hold her hand again by thwacking her with it repeatedly.)   (Video after the jump!)   Read More... Posted Sep 15 2008, 07:47 AM by Roper with | with 13 comment(s) Filed under: twins, Twins on vacation, youtube, table manners, Elsa, Clio, throwing food, twin toddlers, video, eating ice

• Two of a kind. Or not.

  We make such a conscious, concerted effort to treat Elsa and Clio as individuals. We don't dress them alike, we never refer to them as "the twins," and when talking about their personalities, we try not to do it in a comparative way (as in "Elsa is the more outgoing one"). One of the biggest pleasures of watching the girls grow up is seeing their very unique personalities develop and define themselves, frequently obliterating our expectations and assumptions along the way.   At the same time, ironically, our biggest logistical goal has always been to keep them on the same schedule, for the sake of our own sanity. Right from the get-go, we did it as much as possible: if Elsa needed to be nursed, Clio would get nursed at the same time or right after, whether or not she was particularly hungry. When we put Clio down for a nap, we put Elsa down, too. To this day, the girls get fed, bathed and put to bed at the same time, and the large majority of the time, it works out just fine. Which is kind of amazing, when you consider how different they are as individuals.   Note distinct hairstyles, eye color, clothing, body language and expressions of toddler angst     Read More... Posted Sep 04 2008, 05:14 PM by Roper with | with 13 comment(s) Filed under: sleep patterns, twins, sleeping through the night, Elsa, Clio, twin toddlers, twin individuality

• Poopophobia

  Sorry to post yet again about bodily functions -- I won't do it again for a while -- but with little'uns it's kind of hard to avoid. My apologies, also, to future Elsa. I have visions of her coming home from school on her compost-powered hoverboard, in tears, having just seen this post broadcasted on the web-browser blackboard in her homeroom by some mean, popular hacker-girl trying to sabotage Elsa's chances at winning class president. "Mom, you told the entire world about my elimination habits 15 years ago on one of those "plog" things? What's WRONG with you? Now no one will want to go to the prom with me!" (Because some things will never change...)      Of course, the long-term effects of this blog on my children and their prom date prospects are a whole other can of worms, which I will surely open and examine here sometime, but not today. Today, let's talk about #2.  And how lately, Elsa seems quite upset by the whole business of doing her business.           Read More... Posted Aug 11 2008, 05:27 PM by Roper with | with 13 comment(s) Filed under: twins, poop, Elsa, potty training twins, toilet training twins, too much information

• The Adventures of Miss Elsa

  I've written a couple of posts focusing on Clio lately. So, since being a mother of twins means treating your children exactly equally all the time (sarcasm alert), I thought I should give a quick update on what the Elsa girl has been up to.   Bottom line, she's as intensely, passionately, boldly Elsa as ever. Which is both a good and a bad thing. I mean, I think it's really cool that she's resourceful and brave enough to figure out how to push the dining room chairs into position so she can climb up onto the dining room table. On the other hand, SHE'S CLIMBING UP ONTO THE DINING ROOM TABLE!   And she knows she's not supposed to. If I catch her attempting it -- times when I've forgotten to turn the chairs over onto the floor and am busy doing something irresponsible and neglectful like, say, emptying the dishwasher or going to the bathroom -- I very firmly tell her "no" and put her back down onto the floor. She'll give me a sly smile and point to the table and say, "no, no." And then next thing I know, she's trying to up-end the chair and go for it again. It's exasperating. And a little scary. And yet, there's this part of me that can't help loving how ballsy the girl is.   But she's also been engaging in less dangerous, more constructive pursuits. Like helping out with the cleaning (she's way into "scrubbing" things with tissues).   (More photos after the jump)     Read More... Posted Jul 25 2008, 08:08 AM by Roper with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: twins, mohawks, mimicry, table manners, I am powerless, Elsa, twin individuality

• Poison Control Call #2

  Me: Um, hi, I think my daughter may have swallowed a crayon. Or part of one.   (We were drawing -- Elsa and Clio and me. Well, sort of. They've just gotten to the point where they vaguely understand the concept of scribbling. They mostly prefer putting the crayons in their boxes and taking them out again. Anyway, Elsa was standing on the paper -- a cut-open shopping bag, actually -- and I thought it would be fun to trace her foot. But not long after I did, she became mildly distraught. I thought it was because I got some crayon on her toenails. Not that this is the sort of thing that would normally bother her, but who knows? Maybe the girl just didn't dig blue toenails, right? It's a little out there, a little weird. So I wiped off the crayon as best I could, but she kept whimpering, and it gradually escalated to crying. Then she was putting her fingers in her mouth and making "yuck" faces, much like she did after she ate dishwasher detergent.)   PC: She'll be fine. Crayons are non-toxic.   (Phew!  Yes, that's right! In fact, I've known this for as long as I could read. I remember looking at Crayola crayon boxes and seeing those words, front and center: "Non-toxic." (And then something about different brilliant colors...) And I remember asking my mother what it meant. In fact, I've probably known that crayons are non-toxic longer than I've known that bees die when they sting you and no two snowflakes are alike. Not that this stopped me from calling poison control...)   Read More... Posted Jul 08 2008, 09:34 PM by Roper with | with 15 comment(s) Filed under: twins, feeding twins, poop, table manners, Elsa, poison control, twin toddlers, crayons

• Cry Baby

  Elsa is really starting to get on my nerves. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to stay stuff like that. And most of the time she is, of course, delightful. But it seems like she's doing a lot more crying and whining lately: to be picked up, to be fed, to be given her cup or bottle, to be taken out of her high chair.   A couple of times over the past few days, she's even thrown all-out tantrums. This is definitely a new development. Both times, she was in her high chair eating and then suddenly -- seemingly out of the blue -- started freaking out. We tried giving her different food, holding her, giving her her cup, etc., but she was, for a few minutes, inconsolable. She even kicked and flailed when I tried to hold her. So finally, we just let her walk (more like stomp) around the room crying and screaming until she calmed down.   I have no idea what she was upset about. Her food wasn't to her liking? Her peas and carrots clashed? She was worried about the economy? I don't know if it's normal for 14-almost-15-month-olds to start throwing tantrums, but if it is (please tell me it is....) I would wager it's due to communication frustration. There's so much now that she can tell us -- she knows the sign language for "drink" and "eat" and "more." She can lift her arms up when she wants to be held and shove a book at me when she wants to be read to. She even sometimes points at her rear end when she needs to be changed -- a new and promising skill. But I'm sure there's much more going on inside her head that she can't get across: I'm sick of mac and cheese! This bib is scratchy! I'm tired and bored and my college savings funds are nosediving while you sit there trying to get me to eat chunks of over-microwaved Boca burger! Agggghhghghgh!!   My instincts tell me that at this stage of the game there's not a whole lot we can do during these outbursts except just give her some space to cool off. As for the other, more low-grade whining and crying, I don't know. Since day one, Elsa has been a bit of a drama queen (not that I'd ever dress her in a shirt that said so...), and her crying has always seemed somehow very *emotional.*  I love the fact that she's passionate and intense and stubborn. But it's definitely becoming more of a challenge. Although I am generally able to keep my cool ("Everything's OK, sweetie, Mommy's getting your milk right now, please be patient," or "Mommy can't pick you up right now because she's changing Clio's diaper, but I'll play with you as soon as I'm done" etc. etc.) -- the occasional, "What is up with you, Elsa? Chill, girl!" does slip out. I'm beginning to have dire visions of the future -- tantrums in the grocery store, battles over bedtime, notes sent home with the principal, squad cars pulling up to our house with -- OK, OK, I'll stop.   At least this is one time where the twin thing is a comfort. While Clio certainly does her share of crying and whining, too, she's generally much more mellow. So at least we can be reasonably sure that Elsa's behavior isn't a result of our doing something horribly, dreadfully wrong. I don't think...     Posted Mar 19 2008, 03:14 PM by Roper with | with 21 comment(s) Filed under: Drama queen, crying, Elsa, tantrums