Do you ever find your very young children, in their innocence, asking you to do...er...inappropriate things?
Kissing boo-boos is par for the course in our household, as I imagine it is in the majority of American households with toddlers. I am always happy to kiss a boo-boo, real or imagined, serious or slight, and have kissed boo-boos on elbows, heels, shoulders, heads, noses, ears, etc. But how do you explain to your two-and-a-half year old that, no, you probably shouldn't kiss the boo-boo in their mouth (where it hurts because they bit their tongue or have a tooth coming in) or on their girl-parts (which they hurt in the midst of a particularly ambitious playground maneuver)? I am not, however, above occasionally kissing boo-boos on their bums, assuming they're clothed or diapered. I hope I'm not setting them up for a lifetime of therapy with this.
They're just so completely uninhibited and unashamed when it comes to their bodies and body parts, and I think it's wonderful. So it's always sort of a drag when their innocence bumps up against my adult knowledge of what is and isn't considered appropriate in the grown-up world. They're naked in the garden, pre-serpent and apple, while I've got my fig leaf on. But at the same time, I am very cognizant of not trying to make them feel in any way ashamed of or self-conscious about their bodies. When one of them notes that "it tickles!" when she practices wiping herself on the potty for a little longer than is really necessary, I just smile and say something like "It does?" or "Yeah, that's a ticklish part of your body, isn't it?" (Hmmm...I think I hear my grandmother rolling in her grave again....)
I am not crazy about the fact that one of our babysitters -- who is from a very different cultural/religious background from me -- tells the girls not to touch themselves "down there." I've overheard it few times, when she's giving them baths or changing them. Once when I was changing Clio, she pointed between her legs and said, "don't touch except when you go to the potty!" It sort of broke my heart. I really don't like the idea of them getting the message that it's wrong to touch their own bodies when it's not an inappropriate situation, i.e. the bath. Obviously, you don't want them "exploring their bodies" in the middle of the grocery store, or at the public pool. But in the bathtub or on the changing table (assuming the area is clean) -- why not?
I have been too chicken to say anything to the sitter about it directly (and no, she doesn't read this blog!). Part of me thinks, well, if she feels strongly about this, I don't want to put her in the position of being embarrassed or feeling like she's condemning the girls -- who she loves so much -- too a life and possibly afterlife of sin and damnation. On the other hand, I don't want them getting the message that their own bodies are off limits to them. My approach has basically been to let them know that I think it's OK. And I hope that because I'm their mother, and because they spend more time with me than with the sitter, my influence will be stronger.
