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Baby Squared

Baby Gym Rats

On Friday afternoon, the girls and I went to Together in Motion, a very cool indoor kids' play gym, along with my friend Christina and her one-year-old, Amelia. It was the perfect rainy day adventure. (And no shizz are allowed, let alone required!) Elsa was so excited that at first she just ran around on the mats yelling with throaty glee and waving her arms. Then she declared herself queen of a small structure some parent had built, where she discovered the fun of sliding down the mat -- and the frustration of attempting to climb back up.

 

 

She also did some great tower building and demolition:

 

 

Clio was very much into the balls of all sizes scattered around:

 

 

 

She also enjoyed playing "stack and destroy." Mostly the "destroy" part.

 

 

When we first arrived, there were only a few other kids, most of them the girls' age or just a little older. But it got more crowded, and some bigger kids showed up, which made it tougher for Christina and me to just sit back and yap while our kiddos ran amok. Not that you can ever really have quality conversation with your friends when you're doing the play date thing: "So, what do you think of---Oh! Look! Yes! You have a ball! That's good!---Sorry, you were saying?---No, honey, you have to be gentle with the little boy, gentle!-- Sorry, I really am listening. You were saying before that you think Obama -- Don't put that in your mouth! Yucky!"

 

And so on. Honestly, I find it a little stressful. I've never been good at social multi-tasking. I can barely manage a conversation with someone while I'm driving, let alone while trying to keep an eye on two toddlers. Plus, I always worry that I don't pay enough attention to my friends' children (usually just one of them) because I'm too busy trying to keep up with both of mine. So to any of my gal pals with kids who may be reading this: I'm sorry I'm a lousy play date. It's not you, it's me. I want to keep dating, but let's also make sure to go out on our own for a drink sometime, K?

 

In a public place like Together in Motion, there's also the challenge of trying to figure out how / how much to interact with other parents. The obligatory small talk sort of reminds me of freshman orientation at college. Then, it was What's your name / Where are you from / What dorm are you in / Do you know what you're going to major in / Awkward Silence / Drink some more.  Now, it's How old is she/he, What's his/her name, She/He is so cute / Thank you / Where do you guys live? / Awkward Silence / Cheerios, anyone?

 

And I still have no idea what the proper protocol is for dealing with other parents when it comes to intra-kid refereeing. Example: At one point, Clio was sitting playing in an area where a couple of older boys, four or five years old, decided to start building something. They kept barelling obliviously past her, wielding giant, vinyl-covered pieces of foam, missing her head by mere inches. Their mother was very much aware of this, and told them repeatedly to please be careful, look out for the little girl, etc., which I appreciated. But since Clio would be equally happy playing elsewhere I scooped her up and said to the other mom, with a smile, "It's OK, we can just go play somewhere else."

 

And then the mom--who was probably only a couple of years older than me, if not the same age--said, with what I think might be described as a "wan" smile, "Well, they also need to learn to be careful. It's something you'll find out."

 

Oh, well gosh, Madame Veteran Super Mom, I'm so sorry for disrupting your important parental lesson. I really should have been more considerate and left my diminutive 15-month old child there to get trampled on by your sons, for the sake of their social development. Forgive me. I'm just so new at this.

 

Ah, well. Maybe I read the situation all wrong. Maybe I just looked so clear-eyed and youthful that she assumed I was a 19-year-old au pair, and that was why it was OK to talk down to me. Yes. That must have been it.

 

 

 


Comments

 

Julie said:

Jesus Jane, it's like your blog is just notes taken from my own mind over the past three years.  I find playdating stressful too (as well as driving and talking simultaneously).  Sometimes, even trying to find out if someone wants to have a playdate with you is stressful!  Then there's the I-like-the-mom-so-much-but-the-kid-is-a-monter-and-do-I-really-want-to-put-my-own-kids-through-that-just-so-that-I-can-enjoy-myself-for-once scenario.  I never really get to have a conversation anyway and I'm usually sweating and forgetting pretty much everything the other mom said so that I feel like an ass at the next playdate when I ask all the same questions and still can't retain a thing she's telling me!  Also, I've had many encounters with Madame Veteran Super Mom types and also parents who couldn't care less if their kid made mine cry.  I figure it's all just toughening me up for dealing with the PTA, soccer, and dance studio moms I'll encounter as my twins get older.  

April 6, 2008 6:38 PM
 

Alyson said:

We love indoor playgrounds.  They're some of the only places where I can take the girls by myself and still let them run around.  The parents at these places, however, do often leave something to be desired.  My biggest peeve is the mother who can't be bothered to get off her cell phone and stop her little monster from running over my unstable climbers.  Grr.

April 6, 2008 7:12 PM
 

Melissa said:

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say something to someone else's child if they are being too rough around the little ones.  As long as you say it in a nice way.  I too, get nervous when my son is around a bunch of kids.  It all seems so out of control.  But somehow, most of the time, nobody gets hurt.  

Four and five year old kids may seem like big kids compared to Elsa and Clio, but they are still babies.  They don't have the self-control (particularly boys) to restrain themselves while playing.  I think that's what their mom was trying to teach them.  Even if she could have sat them down and tried to explain it to them, they really wouldn't get it.  Not that I blame you for moving Clio, though.  Better safe than sorry.

April 6, 2008 9:40 PM
 

Tracey said:

Playground culture stinks. I want Cade to have fun and explore, but I don't really have interest in the parents at all. I've learned that my kid's fun is directly related to my ability to be his ambassador. I have to negotiate with others for time on the swings, toys that are shared, etc..

What I find is that there are women who go to the park and get into these self absorbed conversations while the rest of are left to police all of the children. I've also seen mothers who prefer their cell phones to their kids and just lazily watch as all manner of mayhem takes place.

I won't recount all details here, but if you want to see what a bad job I did when I busted another kid pinching my son, go here:

scw3.wordpress.com/.../the-sound-and-the-fury

It wasn't pretty. I'm not proud. But damnit, he's a toddler!

April 6, 2008 11:06 PM
 

Roper said:

Melissa -- totally! I don't begrudge her trying to teach her kids not to be rough, and don't blame them for being rough either -- kids that age don't know better.

It just seemed weird to me that she appeared annoyed / offended that I moved Clio. Like I owed it to her to keep her there (and risk her getting hurt) because her boys needed to learn how not to trample babies, you know?

April 7, 2008 9:06 AM
 

Amy said:

Yesssss!  Cute pics!!  They really are the cutest little girls.  Every time I read your posts, I always scroll down to see the pics first.  I love it when they're in those silly little hats.  I also love, love, LOVE the one of Elsa crying her little eyes out.  I don't know what's wrong with me that I love pics of crying babies...

April 7, 2008 9:39 AM
 

BSB said:

Add language barrier to the playground bully scenario and it gets even uglier. My son just turned 1 and I had him at the playground. We were alone for a little while and then another mom with a 17 month old showed up. Our two were happily playing with each other, following each other around and sitting in the sand. Then this 3? year old showed up with grandma. Neither spoke much if any English and this kid... my gosh... this kid kept following my little one everywhere, pretending to step on his hands, almost rolling over his hands with his bike, pushing him over when he attempted to climb up on things. The clincher was when he pretended to kick my son in the face. His shoe was inches from T's face. I was shocked that one so young would know how to be so mean and then I was pissed that his grandmother wasn't doing anything. When I attempted to speak with her all I got was shy smiles and nods. language barrier or not her grandson's behavior was unacceptable. I acknowledge that a crawler on a playground is kind of out of place but when you're all alone basically on a huge playground with multiple structures it seems like he should be allowed to have fun without worrying too much about other kids trampling him.

On a more positive note. I love indoor play spaces too. I take my son to a gym class thats got all sorts of great developmental things going on. He loves to climb all the ramps and I love that it's all padded so when he takes a header he may get scared but he doesn't get hurt!

April 7, 2008 9:39 AM
 

CFJ said:

Together in Motion has a little ones only free play time, Tuesday mornings I think.  I forget what the age cut off is but I'm sure your girls are still young enough.

April 7, 2008 9:48 AM
 

Don Mills Diva said:

Oh my, that mom was just asking for a smack-down wasn't she?

April 7, 2008 12:03 PM
 

Melissa said:

I see your point.  I wonder if she was a little embarrassed and therefore defensive.  Even when he's wreaking totally age-appropriate mayhem, I feel like it's my fault when Michael doesn't behave.  Motherhood is such a head trip.

April 7, 2008 9:25 PM
 

Fraulein said:

Oh man, are they cute! The cheeks!! I love it.

And yes, that woman sounds pretty obnoxious. It's not your job to help her teach her kids the right way to behave around younger kids, especially if that means allowing them to run over your 15-month-old!

April 8, 2008 12:36 PM
 

betty said:

how do you teach a 15-month-old to be careful, exactly? can you teach them to get out of the way of a bigger kid? i am not down with the playspace politics. if a bigger kid is about to trample/whack mine (16 months) i would move my kids, not there for someone else's experiment. maybe that's the "be careful" lesson: move out of the way if you think you're going to get trampled/whacked. i also find common play area playdates s t r e s s f u l. i could try to maintain a conversation if, say, they didn't dart out in different directions every chance they get. when it's crowded, forget it. and if i had a dime, no penny, for every time i say "gentle" and "no mouth," at least freshman year would be paid already.

April 8, 2008 2:35 PM
 

km said:

I have a 5 y/o and a 3 y/o boy, both of whom live and die by Star Wars.  There is a TON of lightsaber action in our house.  These are definitely boys, but in their defense, they have only ever injured each other.  There Dad and I are rather strict about playing with others, etc., and the boys are rather enamored of "babies" (meaning anyone smaller than them).

My really good (over-protective) friend has a 2 y/o daughter.  I thought my friend was going to have a heart attack when my boys decided to play ball with her little girl.  It was just a big rubber ball, and neither boy has enough strength (or aim) to actually hurt her daughter with it.  Plus it's a rubber ball--I would regularly bounce it off of my husband's head when he was getting annoying.  Anyway...my friend put the kabosh on the whole ball game, saying she didn't want her little girl to HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!

I'm not defending the other mom, but in my head at the time of the ball incident, all I could think was, "Oh, I can't wait until your little one is bigger than someone else, then you'll have a whole different idea of what is actually harmful."

April 8, 2008 3:47 PM
 

Heather said:

I spent the evening looking after my 15month old and his best friend, also 15 months old.... I bow down to you and all the multiples' mothers!!!! 1 never stops but 2!!! They egg each other on. It's like 1 + 1 = 3 (and sometimes 5)

So, ya, adult conversation on playdates... not likely, but it is nice to "SEE" other adults that can sympathise :)

April 9, 2008 1:55 AM

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About Roper

I'm an advertising copywriter, wannabe novelist, mother of twins, musician's wife, bleeding heart and wiseass.

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Jane Roper

Jane Roper in Boston

One baby? Piece of cake. Try two. This working mother gives you the inside scoop on the ultimate in extreme parenting: twins.

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