Our Charming Dictator

re: Our Charming Dictator

LD — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 21:36:59 GMT

There's "running roughshod" and "overindulging" and there's having fun with your kid and not always saying NO. So you played a game with the bink and it was fun. So you jumped on the couch cause Josie wanted to. It's all about what behavior you choose to limit, not limiting behavior just for the sake of making you the boss instead of them.

Behavior to limit - anything dangerous, unhealthy (like only cookies for dinner, all the time), or disrespectful of other people. That last one is kind of hard to enforce at 18 months when they still have no concept of other people having any purpose but to serve them. My son's now 2.4 and it still doesn't really sink in. But at least I can get him to say "sorry" when he grabs someone else's toy, and with prompting says "please" at the end of all his dictatorial demands. It's a start.

re: Our Charming Dictator

addknitter — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 01:32:57 GMT

Oh WOW do I disagree with Holdie...I think it's important for children to realize that they are not the center of the universe, and that they cannot always have their way, and that parents have a duty to set limits. It is unsettling for a child to be allowed to become a tyrant. I'm not saying your little J is a tyrant--but have you spent any time around tyrannical children recently? My daughter goes to a Montessori full of them, and it ain't pretty--no one is served by allowing this to happen. And I firmly believe that many of those kids were allowed to run roughshod from day one. It's worth thinking about...

re: Our Charming Dictator

Ted Houghton aka Holdie — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:40:22 GMT

Steve, do you want the older Josie to know what she wants?

A lot of people suffer from lack of knowing what they want, and even more people don't know how to ask for it. They don't know who to befriend. They don't know what hobbies or careers to pursue. They don't know how to tell their boyfriends to stop teasing them about their weight. And a lot of this indecision, I think, stems from being squelched during the phase that Josie is going through.

I want to jump on the couch. NO! I want to sleep with mom and dad. NO! I want a pint of ketchup and one bit of chicken nugget. NO! After a while, the kid stops thinking about what she wants -- what's the point? -- and instead, starts waiting for authority figures to make decisions for her.

Give her as many yesses as you can now, and gradually increase the noes when she's able to understand why you're saying no.

re: Our Charming Dictator

heysway — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 21:34:28 GMT

I think it’s kind of like wondering if you are crazy. If you are asking yourself, you probably aren’t. At least that's how I am handling it

re: Our Charming Dictator

Tracey — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 14:34:04 GMT

I'm the mother of an incredibly adorable and charming 20 month old boy and we do the same thing. I'm also the same age as you and a lot of it for me is, "Meh, I'm bone-tired and what's it going to hurt if he wants to play in the tub for a solid hour while I drink wine and watch him?" The answer? It doesn't hurt. He loves the tub, I need the wine. (me and the hub have tons of cute bathtime pics to boot! win/win)

When he becomes more willful and less charming, we'll put the brakes on some things in order to create a sense of firmer boundaries. Right now I'm going to let my baby enjoy the last of those little baby days.

re: Our Charming Dictator

ewokmama — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 20:57:24 GMT

As long as the activity itself isn't harmful, I don't see a reason to deny the kiddos. Having a joyful childhood is something I think we all wish for!

re: Our Charming Dictator

Ric — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:40:12 GMT

BabyDaddy,

This is a phase called by the parent/psychoanalysts "infantile omnipotence". The trick is to allow enough of it, but then help little Jo gradually face the inevitable comedown that the world isn't going to support her pleasant sensation of world domination forever. Much adult michegos results from the perturbations of this process.

re: Our Charming Dictator

What? No pic? — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:19:18 GMT

So, where is the pic of said dictator?? My now 3 yo did that around Jo's age and we just kind of went with the flow. When she is a little older, you can teach manners and politeness. My daughter now is the most polite thing you could imagine.