Weekend Update

Almondjoy — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 12:13:00 GMT

So I realized that I've failed to provide follow-up posts on a number of what seemed imminent child-rearing crises but which were mostly just us being nuerotic first-time parents. With that in mind, some updates...

Crisis: Josie will never learn to speak because she is addicted to her bink!

Resolution: Josie is still addicted to her bink, but now talks up a storm. Yesterday alone, she said six new words: "Shut" "your" "f*cking" "pie" "hole" and "dad." Kidding! Her six new words were actually "quit" "exploiting" "me" "for" "your" "stupid" and "blog." Oh, I guess that's seven. She's evolving!

Crisis: Josie won't nap!

Resolution: Josie will nap, but only when she decides she's good and ready to nap, which is generally (but not always) at around one in the afternoon.

Crisis: Josie is impossible to take on an airplane!

Resolution: Rather than dragging our child on long, unnatural journeys through the air, we've determined that it is best for our souls, as well as the planet, if we eliminate all modes of travel based on petroleum. This year, for instance, we're doing a house swap with a lucky couple in scenic Medford, MA!

Crisis: The cat (Petunia) is scratching Josie's face!

Resolution: The cat's will has been broken, utterly. She is a shell of her former, face-scratching self.

Crisis: Josie is not afraid of anything and therefore risks getting hurt constantly!

Resolution: Josie is not afraid of anything and therefore risks getting hurt constantly.

Crisis: Josie is addicted to sugar!

Resolution: Josie is addicted to cheese.

As you can see, there's an important lesson to be learned here. It is foolish (if somewhat inevitable) to sweat the little bumps of child-rearing. These too shall pass. Also: you probably don't want us babysitting your kid.

Baby Daddy : "exploiting" "your" "stupid" "blog"

Weekend Update